He's Not There
by MyVikingBoyfriend
Summary: Sequel to She's Not There, with a bespelled Eric from EPOV.  Following canon until it gets too ugly and then it will either stop  in a nice way  or go AU. Rated M for language and eventual Eric and Sookie lovin'.
1. Stripped

**A/N: This story picks up right where **_**She's Not There**_**, my take on what was happening with Eric while Sookie was in the faery realm, leaves off. While you don't HAVE to have read SNT to understand what is going on here since it follows screen canon up until a certain point, it does help. **

**Intolerant language ahead. It's showing the (admittedly low) character of the people using it, not my personal opinions towards anyone, human or vamp. And there is some ****REAL Swedish instead of italicized Swedish this time, with translations at the bottom since those sections are short. Thanks for reading! XOXO**

**Chapter 1: Stripped**

There was nothing. Emptiness, a void, a hollowness so complete that it made me feel as if I were physically teetering on the edge of a cliff above a bottomless chasm.

I tried to steady myself, my body feeling awkward and strange. As I tried to regain my balance, I became aware that my fangs were down (_Wait - I had __**fangs**__?_) and I felt compelled to retract them, as if by some outside force.

I was in a large, dark room that smelled of incense and ozone and seemed to be lit only by clusters of candles. Several feet away, a group of figures – men and women, light and dark, young and older – were huddled tensely together, flanking a middle-aged woman with chestnut hair who was seemed to pulsate with some unseen power.

They were staring at me, looking as shocked and bewildered as I felt.

As I looked around at the ring of taut, anxious faces, trying to remember what had just happened and why I felt so disoriented, I intuitively knew one thing: _these people were a threat to me._ No matter how mundane and unintimidating they might appear on the surface, they could do something terrible to me, something terrifying and destructive.

And while I still wasn't even sure what I had lost (_memory, yes; understanding of who I was, yes; a vague something that had to do with the feeling of home, yes yes yes_), I had _not _lost my survival instinct.

So I ran.

**~*E&S*~**

I didn't stop until I was several blocks away from the room, and even then, I ducked into a dark doorway to hide while I checked to see if I had been followed. I was relieved to see that I had not; although now that I was standing quietly it hit me how unlikely it would have been, given the speed at which I had just moved.

I was _fast._

_Beyond-the-range-of-normal-humans fast. _

While my mind may not have remembered my ability to speed, it had not seemed strange to my body. My sudden acceleration had felt natural and ordinary, as if my muscles could rely on their own memory of what to do to move me so quickly.

I filed my speeding ability away for later consideration.

I cautiously looked out of the doorway. I appeared to be in the doorway of a closed shop on some kind of city street. There didn't seem to be many people on the street at the moment, perhaps because of rain that must have passed recently, to judge by the wet pavement.

As I ventured out onto the sidewalk, I realized I had no idea which way to go. Where was my home? Or where would I find someone who knew me?

_I didn't belong anywhere. _

I felt my throat tighten and tried to remain calm. What to do? What to do _next_? I literally couldn't think further than the next movement of my body.

I closed my eyes and tried to feel what I should do, trying to trust my instincts. They were all I had left.

That's when I felt something unexpected: tiny, subtle ticklings inside me that left impressions of direction and feeling. Emotions of fear, irritation and boredom were all pressing gently at me in distinctly varying pressures and patterns, each strand of information somehow bearing a unique signature. Overlying each swell of emotion was a sense of the physical direction from which the impulse had come, like some kind of homing beacon signaling regularly.

_Vad__fan?_

I felt a jolt of panic. Was this part of whatever the circle of hostile strangers had done to me? Why else would I feel emotions which were not my own?

My eyes flew open and realized I had been standing motionless in the street for several seconds, lost in the bizarre internal sensations. Suddenly conscious of the vulnerability of my position, I used my speed to find a more sheltered space, a service alley that ran behind more businesses.

Ahead of me I could hear raucous whooping and shouting, sounds that I identified as the noise of drunken men. As I drew closer, I saw that there were three men standing outside the back door of a bar (_reminding me of something, but still unfamiliar_). Pouring out into the darkness from inside the bar, I could hear some kind of twangy music that I somehow knew was "country." (_Which country?_)

One of the men was nearly my height, although considerably heavier. Another was a bit shorter, but with a thick, muscular neck and a massive trunk that told me he could hold his own in a fight. The third man was smaller than the other two, with the scrawny build of someone who regularly ingested too many substances bad for the body. All were dressed in scuffed jeans, with the really big man wearing a plaid flannel shirt, the husky one wearing a disreputable-looking t-shirt, and the slight one both a t-shirt _and_ a flannel shirt.

The motley group were now howling along with the tune pouring out of the tavern, sipping off of dark bottles I identified as beer.

The closer I came, the better I could smell the alcohol in their systems, even from several yards away. Either they were the most intoxicated humans I had ever met or I had an extraordinary sense of smell to go with my super speed.

A little wary because of their drunkenness, I was reluctant to approach them. Still, these were the first people I had seen besides the group of threatening strangers. Maybe they could at least tell me where I was. I was still feeling befuddled and a little unsteady, and I felt an increasing desperation to get to someplace secure where I could take stock and come back to myself.

"Ursäkta," I began hesitantly in my native tongue. "Jag är vilse. Kan ni säga mig var jag är?"

The biggest one turned and narrowed his bleary eyes at me. "Huh?"

"Jag är vilse. Kan ni säga mig var jag är?" I repeated more loudly. The music from inside the bar was loud; maybe they hadn't heard what I said.

"What the fuck language is that queer speaking?" mumbled the smallest one.

"Queeeeeeeer language," bawled the big one. "Check out the jacket on that motherfucker. That just says faggot all over, don't it?" He took a sip of his beer and eyed me. "You lost, faggot?"

I understood they were speaking English and I realized I knew it as well. I glanced down at my clothes: black leather jeans, a low-cut tank top, quilted black leather jacket, boots, and a chain around my neck. Definitely not the local style of dress, to judge from these men. At least not in this neighborhood. "Yes, I am lost," I answered calmly, hoping not to escalate the situation if I could get the information I wanted. I knew I was fast, but I had no idea if I had any unusual physical strength, and while the one man was small, the other two more than made up for him in size and power. Three on one didn't seem like good odds in my favor. "Can you tell me where I am? What city?"

The middle-sized one snorted. "How much that sum-bitch have that he don't know where he is?" he commented to his buddies, not bothering to answer my question.

"Maybe he's not from around here," said the big one, looking me up and down. "Looks like one of them Eu-ro-pee-ans to me. You a Eu-ro-pee-an, pretty boy? Or just a pussy?"

The little one wheezed with drunken laughter. "He must be lost if he's down in this part of town in that get up. Although those boots ain't half bad. Saw a pair like that down in Dallas once, cost a few hundred dollars." He nudged at his oversized friend. "Looks like they might fit you, Pete."

The big man looked down at my feet and smirked. "Yeah, I got me some big feet. Goes with my big dick." He gave me toothy grin. "Although you better not come near that, queer boy, or I'll kick your ass." He leaned in closer to me, the sour reek of his beer blowing into my face. "Although I may do that anyhow, you foreign piece of shit." He spat at the ground. "Take off your boots."

"W-What?" I stammered, confused.

"_Take off your mother-fucking boots_," snapped Pete.

"Wonder what else he has on him?" muttered the thick-necked one. "May be faggy looking, but that jacket's expensive. You got a nice cell phone in one of them pockets, Euroboy? Maybe one of them I-phones?"

The big one whooped and then grabbed me roughly. "Hey, let's take a look at what kind of fancy shit Eu-ro-pee-ans carry in their pockets." Before I knew it, he had yanked at my jacket and started pulling the sleeves down my arms behind me.

My reaction was instinctual: I tore myself out of his hands, whirled, grabbed him by the throat and dropped my fangs with a growl.

"Holy fuck, it's a fanger!" cried the small one, turning and running.

The big one –Pete— was continuing to fight against me and I was stunned when he suddenly sprayed something in my face that burned like acid. "Take that, you blood sucker! Colloidal silver in a can, gonna burn your motherfucking vampire eyes out!"

Shit, he was right; suddenly I couldn't see. I wasn't entirely blinded, but my vision was distinctly blurred enough that I couldn't see what was happening around me.

I reeled backwards, away from the stinging spray, only to be hit by even worse pain as a long silver chain suddenly wrapped around my neck from behind in a choke hold. I felt my body begin to sink to the ground as the beefy one pulled the silver against my bare skin. At such close contact, I could smell nicotine leeching out of his pores and hear his jaws quietly working at what I assumed was some kind of chaw.

"Bobby! Bobby, get your ass back here, ya moron. We got silver on him, he can't hurt us," bellowed Pete at the scrawny one, who sounded as if he had come to a standstill further down the alley. "Get his boots," the big man ordered. "Then check his pockets for anything else this foreign fuck has that might be worth having."

The little one approached cautiously, but apparently reassured by the sight of me half-curled on the ground and groaning, felt secure enough to tug the boots off my feet, leaving them bare. He then quickly frisked my pants pockets, batting my weakened hands away, before pulling out a wallet from a back pocket and a cell phone from the front right. "Aw, shit, man, this ain't no I-phone," he whined. "Ya still want it, Harlan?"

From behind me, I could feel the one holding the chain strain over me, presumably to examine my phone. "Yeah, what the hell, man, might be able to use me an extra phone for this and that. Hang onto it for me, though, Bobby. I kinda got my hands full here." He jerked at the silver chain on my neck, digging it into my flesh, and I moaned at the pain.

Bobby blurted, "Hey, lookee here what we got in the wallet!" I could barely see his body moving as he opened up the leather pouch to flash a thick wad of bills. "Looks like we are goin' to par-tay some more tonight! Vamp-boy can pick up one hell of a tab with this."

Pete wrestled me out of my leather jacket roughly. I could feel one shoulder of my tank top tearing in the process. "Hey, Bobby, this looks like it will fit you, if you don't think it's too giiiiiiirrrrrrrly." He tossed my coat to the thin one, who I could hear handling the leather as he turned it this way and that.

"What the fuck, man? What kind of jacket don't have pockets in it?" Bobby complained.

"Eurofag coats, I guess," snorted the big man. He squatted down beside me as Harlan continued to hold me down in the silver chain. "Now listen here, fanger. We don't cotton to vampires here in Shreveport, at least not in this part of the city. We're going to take your shit and you are not going to do jack shit about it because we are letting your dumb European ass _live_ here in the fine U.S. of A. instead of sticking a pointy piece of wood through your chest. Take it or leave it."

Harlan snapped the chain up tautly. "Yeah, fanger, what you say? We gonna walk away peaceful like or do we need to finish this a different way? Your call." He spit something to the ground behind me.

As I lay there on the wet and dirty pavement, now half-naked and half-blinded by the colloidal silver in my eyes, I didn't feel I had much choice.

"Take…what…you…want," I croaked. "I won't follow you." I didn't think I _could_ follow them in the state I was now in, so it wasn't much of a promise, but I was willing to take whatever chance I had to avoid a stake coming at me unseen.

"Then we're good then." I heard Peter stand up. "Let him go, Harlan, and let's get the hell out of here in case he is a lying dick like that Edgington shit." Although the chain around my neck finally loosened, I heard a fumbling noise and then suddenly what I identified by scent as _my own boot_ struck me across the mouth and in the ribs in rapid succession. As I groaned and spit blood out onto the ground, I heard all three men sprint down the alley, whooping as gleefully as they had been when I first came upon them.

The music was still pumping out of the back door of the bar. I rolled upwards, now beginning to see at least patterns of light and darkness, and blundered my way to a wall on the far side of the alley, leaning against it as I limped away.

_Vampire. I was a vampire. _

At least I had gotten that out of the otherwise miserable encounter.

**~*E&S*~**

I didn't feel safe half-dressed on the streets of what I now knew was Shreveport, so I kept to the shadows. I was a little paranoid about using my ability to speed until I could see decently again, so I just moved as quickly and quietly as I could. It was a little slow at first, but as I kept moving, I noticed that my vision was improving, as was the sting of where the silver had been against my neck. Somewhere along the way, I rid myself of the now useless tank top that had been half-hanging from my chest.

As I skulked along in the dark, I thought about where I should go. Eventually the sun would rise, and the understanding that I was a vampire brought with it an intuitive but sure knowledge that I would need to be somewhere dark and safe before the sun's rays crept over the horizon. Some instinct told me that I would be best off underground, under the dirt if necessary. The paved streets of Shreveport were not going to offer me anywhere to go to ground; it would probably be best to go outside the city, out into the rural darkness where I could find some dirt to burrow under before dawn.

By time I reached that decision, I realized that I could see normally again and that my injuries seemed to have faded, even the silvered area on my neck. _Super healing ability?_ Handy. Very handy.

As soon as I felt recuperated enough to do it, I vamp sped into the dark, moving away from the city lights. I didn't slow down until I found a place where the lights were fewer and farther between and the landscape was devoid of anything but trees. At that point, I began to walk, suddenly aware that I was not only physically tired, but emotionally drained.

I had been plodding along, trying to decide how far I should go into the countryside in order to be safe from people when I felt it.

One of the mysterious tingling sensations I had been ignoring most of the evening was getting stronger. It felt as if someone (_angry, frustrated_) was coming closer to me.

I froze for a second, trying to decide what I should do. I didn't know the meaning of the streams of emotional information I was experiencing. While it could be someone who knew me and could tell me what had happened, _who I was_, it could also be whoever had _done _this to me.

I began to move again, slowly, focused on the steady increase of the sensation as it drew nearer, willing myself not to panic and run, at least until I knew whether it was a friend or a foe. In the distance, I could hear a car approaching and as it drew closer, so did the pulse of feelings. As the rumble of the tires came up behind me, I heard the vehicle slow down. Shit. Any doubt I had that the emotional waves were coming from the car vanished. I could feel the signal as it became less diffused and clearer. Still _anger, frustration,_ but with a new note of _confusion_.

And now the car was pulling up beside me. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I kept moving as if minding my own business, hoping that if _Anger/ Frustration_ was someone out to hurt me, they would reveal it quickly and I could successfully sprint away.

"Eric?" The voice was female.

I glanced at the car, which was now creeping along at my walking pace. It was small, yellow, older, and being driven by a young woman with her blonde hair pulled back on her neck. From what I could see from the road, she seemed to be dressed casually in a t-shirt with a logo and a plain black sweater.

She didn't look that threatening, but neither had the members of that circle, and look what they had done to me.

"Eric!" she said more insistently. I tried to ignore her, wary about what her intentions were, but she called out my name again. "Eric!" I could feel the feeling of her confusion begin to overwhelm the anger and frustration. She also didn't seem like she was going to give up, so I stopped.

"Who are you?" I asked cautiously. _And why am I feeling your feelings?_

"It's me, Sookie," she answered.

The name was an unusual one and unfamiliar. "Who?"

The blonde looked and _felt_ irritated. "You _know_ me."

I made a good faith effort to look into my mind again and see if she seemed at all familiar, but there was nothing there beyond the negative tangle of her emotions. Since I had identified her as the source of all the anger and frustration that had been prodding at me all evening, I decided that if I _did_ know her, the relationship probably wasn't a friendly one. Maybe she _had _been the one who had done this to me.

"No—no, I don't," I stammered out. It was true in the immediate, factual sense, as I did not recognize her, but I almost hoped it was the greater truth as well, based on how she seemed to feel about me. The last thing I needed after the two encounters I had already had tonight was another one with someone else angry at me.

I felt her genuine surprise at my answer. She was puzzled as to why I did not recognize her, which told me that she was not the source of my predicament. Maybe despite the anger, she was not a threat towards me, then. I turned to continue on my way. I had to find somewhere _safe_.

However, I had only taken a step or two when I noticed something, an amazing fragrance on the night air. And it seemed to be coming from _her._

In confusion, I turned towards the car and drew in a deep breath to catch the intoxicating scent. I had no memories to associate with it, but it evoked something in me, feelings of home and happiness and all the good things in life. I hungrily sucked the sweet air in again, my brow wrinkling as I tried to decipher why her smell was so different from the limited number of other people I had smelled tonight. No one else had smelled like this, I was sure of it.

She had noticed my scenting the wind and I felt a sudden tremor of anxiety pass through her. Unable to contain my curiosity, I frowned at her and asked, "Why do you smell so good?"

And the _anger_ and _frustration_ were back in full force. "You know _perfectly well_ why I _smell_ the way I _smell_," she said sharply.

I stepped a little closer to the car as I sniffed at the air again, trying to articulate what was so appealing. "Like wheat…and honey…and sunlight," I observed slowly. I felt a sensual swell of excitement sweep through my body. Not merely sexual, although that was definitely a part of it, but truly sensual, evoking desires to investigate this mysterious woman with all of my senses – smell, touch, taste, sight and hearing, as well as whatever one called the mystifying emotional connection I had with her.

My fangs popped out of my mouth, involuntarily. And they were _long_.

They also made her jump with fright.

"Eric, I am not in the mood!" the blonde snapped. Although her tone was commanding, I could feel the spike of her fear.

"What are you?" I asked, baffled by not only her unique scent but my intensely aroused reaction to it. I started to lean into her open car window to sniff again (_or just to be closer to her_), but the car was suddenly accelerating away from me, taking her with it.

I watched as she sped away from me down the road, disappointed that she had run from me. I was intrigued, definitely the first positive feeling I had experienced since waking up facing that circle of hostile faces earlier in the evening.

She didn't get very far before she stopped the car. I felt her relief mingle with my own and used my vamp speed to approach the car again, anxious to talk to her. And smell her.

And maybe do some other things with her, although I didn't let my thoughts go very far in that direction. Having no memory of who I was acted as somewhat of a damper on my excitement, and I knew I didn't want to scare her any more than I already had. Somehow, having found someone who seemed to know me made me feel less lost. If she bolted again, I'd be alone again.

Unfortunately, when I leaned in through the driver's side window, I must have moved too close, too quickly, as she let out a little scream and scrambled madly over the gearshift to escape out the passenger door. She took off at a dead run into the dark.

It was the first time I had seen all of her and I liked what I saw: she was petite but shapely, with an amazing backside that was encased in nothing more than a pair of dark short-shorts. Her legs were tanned and bare down to a pair of tennis shoes that were now pounding away up a path leading further into the park.

As she sprinted away from me, I couldn't help but smile at the view. And at the fact that I if I wanted to talk to her, I was going to have to catch up to her first. It must have been a vampire thing because the thought of chasing her was in itself arousing, although I didn't intend to harm her when I caught her. If I could feel her feelings, I wondered if she felt mine as well.

I used my speed to whoosh right past her and stop facing her, careful to stand in an unthreatening manner. She slid to a halt before she could collide with me, and I saw –and felt – as she shook her head in exasperation. Before I could process what she was about to do, she drew her fist back and clobbered my nose with a surprising amount of strength.

"I am _not_ your _fucking dinner_!" she spat out furiously.

She thought I meant to _eat_ her? "What'd you do that for?" I asked in confusion as I felt what was clearly my now-broken nose. I had expected her to realize I meant her no harm through our linked emotions. I guess it didn't work that way. Maybe it was a one-way connection?

She shot me a look of disbelief as she crossed her arms in front of her angrily.

"You broke my nose!" I pointed out.

"Oh, _please,_" she scoffed. "It'll heal in five minutes. You're a vampire."

Maybe she really _did_ know me, if she knew something about me that I had only recently discovered myself.

I was now confident that she had had nothing to do with what had happened to me. She may be angry and exasperated with me (_Why?_) but her malice did not extend to causing whatever had wiped away my selfhood. She was obviously ignorant about what was wrong with me.

In that moment, I decided to trust her with the truth. Maybe she could help me figure out what had happened to me.

I wouldn't be alone in this nightmare that I had woken to tonight.

"I _know_ I'm a vampire, Snookie—" I said passionately, for the first time letting my own frustration with the situation flow.

"It's '_Sookie_'!" she interjected impatiently.

"_I know what I am!_" She wasn't listening to me and it was frustrating. If she really did know me, I wondered if our "normal" interactions were this contentious.

Realizing that my voice had risen to a shout, I tamped down on my emotions. There was no need to take my aggravation out on her.

I gathered myself together and met her annoyed gaze earnestly. "I just don't know _who_ I am," I explained in a low voice.

Once more, I felt her surprise, although she recovered quickly. "Okay," she said in a business-like tone, finally dropping her arms from where they had been crossed in front of her chest. "What's the last thing you remember?"

_She was going to help me. _

I felt a small bit of the tension I had been holding in for the past few hours slip away. _I wasn't alone in this._

"I don't know," I said vehemently.

I felt a pang of concern from Sookie and I realized I was getting upset again. "I don't know," I repeated more calmly. I was afraid the intensity of my emotions would frighten her again. I thought back to the dark room full of people and candlelight. For some reason, the mental picture of the room in my head reminded me of something else. "The sea, maybe. Home," I finally said.

I could hear the wistfulness in my own voice and I felt Sookie startle. I seemed to be constantly surprising her, which made me wonder how well we knew one another.

Trying to follow the fragile visions in my memory, I let my mind drift back. For some reason, the images that came to mind were of me frolicking beside an ocean, my bare feet striking the wet sand as I felt the wind at my back. "Den våta sanden mellan mina tår. Vinden mot mina skulderblad."

I was so lost in the cobweb of a memory that I hadn't even realized I had lapsed into my native tongue until Sookie reminded me sharply. "Eric, focus!"

The mental picture in my mind had switched back to that dark room and things were starting to come back. "En cirkel," I blurted out hesitantly at first, then more forcefully as the details became clearer in my head. "En cirkel." I could hear the circle of people chanting in my mind and picture the chestnut-haired woman in the center of the group. "Hennes ögon. Hennes ögon, hennes kalla, tomma ögon."

Sookie, unable to understand my words, was losing patience with me. "English!" she snapped.

"Her eyes. Her cold, empty eyes," I translated for her, hurriedly. I licked my lips as I grasped hold of the memory and struggled to tease out more information from it before it vanished. "They were reaching into me. _Emptying_ me."

"Okaaaay," Sookie said warily.

I could see the chestnut-haired woman in my mind, her face distorted at first by what I thought was a trick of the candlelight. There had been flashes of something – no, _someone _else, superimposed on her visage. A younger, more beautiful face with eyes that burned into me. "And it _was her_ –" I struggled to explain what I had felt. "—but it _wasn't_ her."

Sookie was listening intently now. "She was in a circle. Chanting," I continued. "Then, uh – everything I was –" I paused, almost unable to get the words out as I relived the pain of having my selfhood stripped away from me. "—was _taken_ from me."

I felt the wave of Sookie's compassion swell towards me, but she quickly suppressed it. I guess I was not the only one who was uncertain how readily to express feelings.

I anxiously waited to see what she decided to do with the information I had just shared with her. I was suddenly aware how completely my fate was in her hands. _I had nothing. _ I _was_ nothing. And she was the only person who hadn't actively sought to hurt me that night. If I overlooked the broken nose, anyhow.

"Okay," Sookie finally said in a more gentle voice than she had used previously. "I'll help you deal with this. But there are some ground rules that do _not get broken_, or you are on your own." She looked me sternly in the eye and I felt the fierceness with which she meant what she said. "You do not _touch _me. And you _most certainly_ do not _bite_ me." Her delicate chin thrust out as if daring me to argue with her.

I stared at her. I thought back to how the sight and smell of her had stirred me and I felt a sad disappointment that my fleeting dream of exploring what I expected to be the wonders of her would be so quickly and brusquely dismissed.

She must have read the regret on my face and I felt what was now the familiar flash of her exasperation. "Oh, forget it," she snarled before turning to stalk away from me.

I reluctantly let the wisps of my hopeful fantasy go and embraced what she _would_ give me, which was her help.

"Jag svär," I said earnestly.

"Eric—" she began impatiently.

"_I swear it,"_ I repeated firmly. Even without my memories, I felt the solemnity of the spoken vow. I would not break it so long as it was what she asked of me. I couldn't entirely understand how a woman who was clearly angry at me more often than not and afraid of me as well would be willing to do this for me. I felt deep gratitude that she was prepared to overlook whatever it was that stood between us and help me when I was so vulnerable. After the antagonism of the other humans I had met that night, her generosity despite what was clearly a strained relationship between us seemed wondrous.

Sookie sighed in resignation and nodded towards her car. "Well, let's go then."

As we started walking toward the car, I realized how much I towered over her tiny figure. Anxious to minimize any unintended sense of menace towards her, I leaned over towards her small frame, trying to compact my large body into something less threatening, and said sincerely, "I am grateful for this."

"Whatever." She shrugged negligently in response.

Whatever the problems of our normal relationship – and I knew that they existed based on how she reacted to me – we had established some sort of truce. I followed my compact, sweet-smelling rescuer to her tiny car.

**A/N: Swedish translations: **

"**Vad****fan?" = "What the hell/what the fuck?" **

"**Ursäkta. Jag är vilse. Kan ni säga mig var jag är?" = "Excuse me, I'm lost. Can you tell me where I am?" **

"**Den våta sanden mellan mina tår. Vinden mot mina skulderblad." = "The wet sand between my toes. The wind against my shoulder blades."**

**I know Eric's attackers are stereotypical redneck bigots, but again I went with the "easy" explanation of how he lost everything but those fine leather jeans. **

**This story will not update daily like the previous one since it is still a work in progress, but I will try to update it about once a week. Thanks for reading! **


	2. Home

**Chapter 2: Home**

I looked doubtfully at Sookie's small yellow car. "Do you think I'll even fit?"

"You did before," Sookie replied drily. I could tell by the way she pursed her lips when she said it that on whatever occasion I had been in her car previously, _something_ had happened. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what. She bent inside the passenger side and fiddled with something beneath the front seat, sliding it back. "There ya go, you shouldn't have any problem now."

"Thank you," I said politely before trying to fold myself into the compartment. Again, there was that little sensation of surprise from her. Jesus, how rude was I normally?

"Here. Have a tissue for your nose." She pulled a small packet out of the dashboard and tossed it into my lap. "You have some blood – here." She pointed out on her own face the mirror to where blood was trickling on my own upper lip.

"Thank you," I said again. This time there was no startle from Sookie, but she did smile a little as if she found my respectful demeanor amusing. I didn't like to think it was a shock to her every time I was courteous. What did that say about my normal manner? Maybe if I persisted in show good manners, she'd get over reacting so strongly every time I did so.

I was quiet while she started the car. Interestingly enough, I definitely understood what she was doing as she started the engine and pulled out onto the road, and I was pretty sure I could have driven the car if she had wanted me to. Whatever had happened to me didn't seem to have impacted my general knowledge or my skills.

Just my self-understanding.

Once I had understood I was a vampire, I realized I actually knew a lot about vampires – in the general sense, that is. I still had no clues about _me_.

"You called me Eric," I said after we had been silent for a few minutes.

Sookie glanced sideways at me. "Yes…" she answered cautiously. "You're Eric Northman."

_Eric Northman. _ It didn't sound familiar, but I liked the sound of it. "And you're Sookie – what?"

"Stackhouse."

_Sookie Stackhouse._ I liked that, too.

"How do you know me?" I asked hesitantly.

Sookie was silent for a few moments, as if weighing her answer. "You know my ex-boyfriend. He's a vampire. You and I met when he took me to your club."

_I had a club? _ I raised an eyebrow. "I have a club?"

"It's a vampire bar called Fangtasia. In Shreveport," Sookie answered.

"Fangtasia?" I repeated and then smiled. "Very punny." I must normally have a sense of humor. That pleased me.

She shot me another strange look and my grin dimmed a little. Maybe she didn't have the same sense of humor.

Sookie directed the car out onto the highway. "We are leaving Shreveport?" I asked, carefully. For all that I had wanted to get out of the city, it made me a little nervous to be passively riding along to an unknown place. I shifted a little in the seat. Very little, as I couldn't move all that much without my knees bumping into something.

"I was plannin' to, yes. I wanted to go home." For some reason, saying this caused her some emotional pain.

"Good." She evidently misunderstood my meaning because she frowned. "I mean to say that I was…not having a good night in Shreveport," I explained mildly. "I thought I would be safer outside the city. In my…condition. So it is _good_ to be leaving there."

She grunted an assent.

We drove a mile or two more before I asked, "So, we are going to your home?"

I don't know what I had said, but _anger _and_ frustration_ did a little dance in the bond between us. "Yes, we are," she answered snappishly.

Maybe there was some problem with her house? She seemed very sensitive about it.

"Where is it?"

Another silent moment from Sookie. I wondered if she was always so guarded in what she told me, even on such simple questions. "I live in a little town to the east of here," she finally said. "Bon Temps."

She had mixed feelings about Bon Temps: _affection_ tempered by _frustration_ and some _sadness_. "Does it live up to its name?" I asked with a little smile. When she looked a little confused I added, "'Good times'?"

She snorted a little at that. "No, not really." When I waited for an explanation, she responded, "Too many strange, scary things for a little town like that." She shook her head as if not wanting to go into detail.

_Strange, scary things? _

"Like vampires?" I pressed her.

"Not many vampires, no. Just –" She spoke as if she was about to say something but changed her mind. "Just one or two of 'em. Not like Shreveport. Y'all got a bunch of them over there."

I nodded. "Good place for a vamp bar, then." I must have some business sense when I was fully myself. I frowned, suddenly wondering if I had been at _Fangtasia_ when whatever happened to me had happened. "Sookie. Is Fangtasia lit with many candles?" I gestured with my hand, bumping it accidently against the dashboard in my agitation. "Many, _many_ candles? All around?"

"Only some on the table tops. Not a lot of 'em, no." Sookie frowned back at me. "Why?"

"I think I remember many candles." I paused. "Or maybe fire." I shrugged it off. Nothing more was coming to me.

Sookie looked at me then said, "Eric, I know you weren't at Fangtasia tonight because I just left there, so whatever happened to you didn't happen there—"

"You were at my club?" I blurted. "Tonight? Why?" Sookie didn't look like the kind of girl who hung around in vampire clubs. (Although how I knew what they typically looked like, I couldn't tell you. Did she go there often? Did she go there to see _me_?) "Did you go there to see me?"

I felt that little twinge of _anger, frustration_ rear up again just briefly and then settle back down. I guess if she had been looking for me, it hadn't been for a _good_ reason. I was disappointed.

"Yes," she answered. "But it isn't important right now. We can talk about it when you are…back to yourself again."

"Okay," I answered.

I suddenly thought of something else and turned towards Sookie awkwardly in the small confines of the front seat. "Sookie, if Fangtasia is mine, why not take me there?"

She snorted again and muttered under her breath. "Been asking myself that _saaaaaame_ question." She finally let out a sigh. "I didn't think it would be a good idea to take you to Fangtasia with you … like this." She shot a glance at me sideways. "The bar was being picketed by anti-vampire protestors. I don't think leading you through a picket line full of vampire haters might be the best idea just now. 'Specially if you are not in control of yourself." She looked a little nervously at me as if expecting my fangs to be out at the very mention of "vampire haters."

If the vampire haters outside my bar were anything like the ones who had attacked me, I had to admit that she probably had good reason to worry. I was not interested in being caught off guard and harassed a second time and would be willing to experiment to see what else I could do now that I knew I was a vampire. Maybe try my fangs out.

I was daydreaming about would it would have been like to have bitten the thugs in the back alley when I noticed a little tingle through the bond with Sookie. I looked over to find her glancing down at my bare chest. When she saw me look her way, her eyes quickly averted back to the road.

The feeling had been quickly suppressed, but I could have sworn it felt like _lust_.

"Eric…" Sookie cleared her throat a little. "Are you cold?"

I frowned. "I don't think vampires feel the cold much," I concluded thoughtfully. "Why?"

She glanced at my chest again. "Well, you…_look_ a little cold." A hot blush crept up into her cheeks and I could feel her embarrassment.

Puzzled, I looked down at my own chest. I guess at least _part_ of me _was_ cold. My nipples had pebbled like pale pink pencil erasers. I felt awkward at having caused her discomfort and crossed my arms in front of my chest to hide the offending bits from view. "Uh, sorry."

"I'd turn the heat on if I thought it was working right," Sookie said briskly. "But it wasn't working last year and I – I haven't had time yet to get it checked out. I'm going to have to ask Jason to look at it."

I wrinkled my brow, puzzled at what I was feeling from Sookie. _Worry. Caution._ A small, residual echo of _fear._ Still that smidgen of _lust_.

The tingle of lust had distracted me enough that it took me a beat to register what she had said.

_Jason?_

"You are married?" I asked carefully. I don't know why I had not thought of that. Of course a woman like this would have a man who had claimed her already. My buoyancy at her lust deflated. I had assumed she was free.

"What? No!" she said with a faint astonishment. "No, Jason is my brother. He's –" again, she stopped whatever she meant to say as if she had thought better of it. "He lives in a different house in Bon Temps. Not with me."

I felt an out-of-proportion sense of relief.

She flipped the switch on the car heater a couple of times as if trying to get it to work despite her assertion that it was broken. "Shoot," she finally muttered, snapping it back to its normal position.

"Tell you what," Sookie said. "We're almost there. I've got a blanket in my trunk and when we get to the house, you can wrap yourself up in that. That should help." She kept her eyes focused on the road.

"That is very kind of you," I said after a moment, careful to keep my arms blocking her view of my chest. Not that I didn't want her to see it – because the truth was, I liked the idea that she liked what she saw – but I didn't want her to feel so awkward about it.

We had left I-20 behind and were taking a smaller rural highway to the south now. As we passed through what a large sign identified as Bon Temps (_Population: 2,712_), I instinctively tried to slump down a little in the small seat, in case we saw anyone. Fortunately, it didn't seem many of the 2,711 other people of Bon Temps were out and about that night. By the time we had passed through the town center – a collection of small stores and offices, except for the Wal-Mart – I had begun to relax again.

As we made a turn to the left and drove past a brightly lit roadhouse (_Merlotte's, _according to a glowing neon sign), I felt Sookie's anxiety escalate. She didn't say anything, but I studied the building as we passed by, noting several cars parked outside. It looked harmless enough. And almost faintly familiar, although I had to wonder if it simply reminded me of my own bar.

"Sookie?"

We had both been silent since the discussion about my chilled chest and I think Sookie had half-forgotten I was there with her as the car rolled quietly through the dark.

"Am I friends with the bar owner of Merlotte's?" Our businesses were far enough apart that I didn't imagine we were necessarily head-to-head competitors. Maybe we were collegial since we shared the same occupation? And if we were friends, maybe there would be help from that quarter. Or maybe he was a competitor who had done this to me. Hmm.

Sookie burst out in a choking laugh. "Errrr, no, Eric. I'm sorry, but you are _not_ friends with the owner of Merlotte's."

"Oh."

"But that _is_ where I work," Sookie added begrudgingly.

"You…waitress?" I looked at her shirt, making the connection between the bar's signage and the green "Merlotte's" logo on her bosom. My gaze might have lingered a lingered a little long on her curves; I felt her self-consciousness and quickly turned my eyes back towards the car window. I could still see her reflection in the glass. I tried not to stare, but it was hard to drag my eyes away. She was truly beautiful.

"Yes." Sookie turned down a dark country road. "We're almost there."

The long tree-lined driveway ended at an old but well-maintained farmhouse. Even from inside the car with the windows closed I could smell that the yellow exterior paint was new and still curing. Flowers surrounded a wrap-around porch and made the night air fragrant. It looked like a home that was loved.

"You must like yellow," I observed, glancing from the freshly painted house to Sookie behind the wheel of her yellow car. "It's like sunshine. It fits you." I smiled at her, thinking of how she herself smelled of sunlight.

For some reason, Sookie shook her head as if bemused as she flipped off the engine. "Let me get that blanket for you," she said quickly. She hurried around to the trunk and popped it open, pulling out a blanket striped in various shades of brown. "Here," she said, shaking it out and handing it to me as I got out of the car. When I went to place it around my shoulders somewhat awkwardly, she tentatively reached out a hand to twitch the edges into a better position. I noticed she was careful not to brush against my skin as she did it. I was acutely aware of how much I wanted her to.

"You are _filthy_, Eric Northman," Sookie groused, taking in the extent of the dirt on my leather jeans and my bare feet. "When we go inside, you can go into the living room, but stay away from the carpet until I find something to put some water in so we can start cleaning you up. I don't want you tracking mud through my nice clean house." As she moved towards the porch, I could hear her mutter under her breath, "I do _not_ want to have to clean up after you _again_."

She bounded up the steps to her front door, keys out and ready, while I followed behind.

As Sookie opened the door, she called back over her shoulder, "I'm hoping I might be able to find a pair of Jason's old work boots. They'll probably be too small for you, but –" She hastily started up a staircase to the upper level as I paused at the threshold in my bare feet. When she realized I was not following her, she turned back and began casually, "It's okay, you can come in, it's your –" She stopped, as if realizing something.

I stood patiently outside the door, looking up at Sookie as I waited to be invited. I knew that as a vampire, I couldn't cross the threshold of a human's house without an invitation.

"As it's your first time in my house, obviously you need an invitation." She smiled sweetly and said in a fulsomely gracious tone, "Eric, won't you please come in?" But I noticed that the smile did not reach her eyes.

As I stepped through the doorway, I looked around curiously at Sookie's home. It was decorated in an old-fashioned way but looked very clean and comfortable. The air was redolent with the smell of new paints, various cleaners and polishes and, only lightly, Sookie herself.

"Don't step on the rug!" Sookie squealed anxiously from her perch on the stairs, throwing out her hand in warning as I entered the foyer.

I looked down and was embarrassed to see that my mud-caked feet were, indeed, dirtying the immaculate rug that took up the center of the hallway floor.

"Sorry," I murmured before stepping back onto the hardwood area of the floor and trying to edge around the still-open door without contacting the braided material. It challenged my balance, but I was pleased when I reached safe footing.

Sookie had watched my awkward efforts, before shaking her head in as if both bewildered and amused and starting again up the stairs.

I picked my way carefully into the living room as I heard a cabinet upstairs open and close and water begin to run. A couch and two large chairs were gathered beside what looked to be the house's original fireplace mantle. Scattered here and there were knick-knacks and pictures that reinforced my impression that this was an ancestral home, filled with memories of Sookie's family. And yet the room was not left entirely in the past; just inside the door was a large flat-screen TV, right beside an antique upright piano.

I liked it. It seemed … homey.

"Eric, here's some water so we can at least get your feet cleaned up," Sookie said from behind me, moving slowly into the room with a large basin of heated water. It took a bit of careful contortion, but thanks to my long legs I was able to sit on one end of the couch and still leave my muddy appendages to one side of the living room rug. Sookie carefully set the water basin down in front of me and after she had helped me roll up the legs of my leather jeans, I gratefully immersed my feet into the warm water.

"Oh, _sugar_! I forgot a washcloth. Eric, I'll be right back with one. You just stay here, okay?" Sookie picked up a cell phone from the edge of a coffee table set in the midst of the furniture arrangement and dashed back upstairs again.

I don't think she realized I could hear her. As I sat wiggling my toes in the warm water, I heard her find the washcloth in an upstairs linen closet and begin moving back down the staircase. She was nearly to the landing when I heard her dial the phone. I couldn't make out what the person on the other end of the line was saying, but I could hear Sookie's part of the conversation clearly.

"Hey, Pam, it's Sookie. I thought you should know that Eric is here." There was a murmur from the other person and she replied, "He doesn't seem to remember that. Or much else."

I was actually enjoying the feel of the water against my bare feet, although it had begun to cool rather quickly. I loved the way the liquid flowed against my skin whenever I made the smallest movement. I may not remember anything about who I was, but I had decided I liked water.

Sookie now stood in front of the open entry to the living room, phone still pressed to her ear. "Pam? Hello?" I could feel her confusion, but it seemed mild. She finally shrugged and hung up the phone.

"Okay, let's see if we can get that mountain of dirt off of you so I don't have to make you stay in one spot all evening," Sookie said firmly, kneeling down by the basin of water. Gently she began to wash the mud off of my feet and scrub carefully at small bits of gravel that seemed to be working their way out of my skin. "Sorry the water got cold," she apologized.

"Doesn't bother me," I answered as she continued to work the cloth against my skin. She was trying to scrub grit out from beneath my big toe (_why did scrubbing like that seem familiar?_) when I jumped, pulling my foot out of her grasp with a gasped laugh. "It-it tickles," I explained with a shy grin.

Her smile was so fleeting I might easily have missed it, and I realized it was the first time I had seen Sookie genuinely smile. She was stunning even when solemn or angry, but seeing her smile was like seeing the sun again.

I couldn't help but lean forward, studying her more closely. Until we had entered the house, I had only seen her in the dark; here in the light of the living room, and less than a yard away, I could really see the details of her appearance. Her eyes were a warm hazel and I was able to tell that the variegated blonde strands of her hair were the result of time spent in the sun rather than from a bottle. "You are…really beautiful," I finally said.

I felt not only surprise but some doubt from Sookie at my words. "Ummmm… thanks?" she replied, as if uncertain how to take such a compliment.

I wondered what kind of idiots had surrounded her that she was evidently not aware of her beauty.

Tuning into Sookie's emotions made me realize that one of the other mysterious bonds inside me had begun to hum with a sudden intensity: _fear_ and _worry_ prevailed, along with periodic waves of _irritation_.

And _Fear/Worry/Irritation_ was heading this way.

I had barely had time to register what was happening when Sookie's door blew open with a bang and a tall blonde woman, dressed in a red, sequined, one-shouldered minidress flew into the living room.

Jolted by the woman's sudden appearance in combination with the flood of emotions through the unexplained bond, I blurted out as a single word, "_Whothefuckisshe_?" as I shot to my feet, throwing the blanket off my shoulder to prepare for attack.

The woman –_vampire_, I could tell, not just by the supernaturally fast way she moved but by the smear of blood on her lips — stopped and stared at me in horror that I could feel. "_Fuck!_"

Sookie, who had scrambled to her feet as the woman entered, was also staring at me with shock. I suddenly realized I had cursed at a _guest_ in Sookie's home. Evidently, a guest who had been to Sookie's home before, since she had entered without Sookie's invitation. She must a friend of Sookie's.

"Sorry. Sorry, that was rude of me." I apologized to Sookie and then to her guest. "I'm sorry." Jesus, no wonder Sookie seemed to react every time I tried to be polite. I evidently had no self-control in my natural state. God only knows what kind of things I normally said without thinking.

"What do you know about what happened to you?" the female vampire demanded anxiously. I could feel fear and dread from her.

Sookie turned to look at me and I found myself reluctant to tell the stranger what I had told Sookie. Obviously, there was some kind of connection between myself and the blonde vampire, but until I understood the meaning of these bonds, I didn't want to share too much. I seemed to remember a blonde woman among the circle members, but I couldn't tell for sure that it was a different woman from this one. At least not yet.

I swallowed and glanced at Sookie, the only person I could trust at the moment, looking for some guidance from her. Unfortunately, she was also staring at me in dismay.

When I didn't answer, I could feel the escalation in panic from the vampire. "_You_ have to hide him," she blurted out to Sookie.

"No _way_!" Sookie was facing away from me, so I couldn't see her expression, but I felt her rush of alarm. The intense emotions bouncing around the bonds between myself and the two women were starting to make me dizzy and I looked away for a moment, trying to keep my emotional balance.

"He's in _danger_!" the vampire burst out.

"And I'm sure _you'll_ be able to protect him much better than _I _could!" Sookie fired back.

The blonde vampire couldn't hide her distress. "Sookie, I'll be the _first_ place they'll look."

"They who?" Sookie asked in confusion.

"The witches who did this," the vampire said darkly.

"_Witches?" _ Sookie sounded as if the idea that witches were the source of my problem was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. Thinking back to the circle of intimidating people I had awakened to – _the witches_ – I didn't think it was so ludicrous. Something inside me sank. "Oh, _great_, now I have to deal with _witches_?" Sookie continued. "_No!_" she asserted fiercely. "Not my problem!"

No, but it was my problem. And having faced the source of my problem earlier in the night, I was, frankly, a little scared. I sank to the couch, dazed by the thought that even here, miles away from Shreveport, the powerful, intimidating group of magic workers might still seek to do me harm. In a flash, all my anxiety from earlier in the night was back and I felt sick. Not only was I at risk, but now I was also worried about what they could do to Sookie. And I would have brought it on her.

"Actually you're living _his_ house, so it _is _your problem," snarled the vampire, one hand on a hip in her annoyance.

That broke me from my revery. "Uh—" I burst out in surprise. "It's _my_ house?" I looked at Sookie in confusion.

She shot me a look (and feelings) of exasperation before turning back to the taller blonde. "Thanks a _lot_, Pam. I'll just – go to Bill." She said the last as if that was her ace in the hole, the solution to whatever problems she would face. Bill would evidently solve everything.

In a flash, Pam was looming over Sookie. "Tell Bill and I will rip you to pieces," she said menacingly.

Whoever Pam was, I didn't like her threatening Sookie. And I could _feel _that she meant her threat quite literally.

With one hand, I pushed her away from Sookie and she went flying into the foyer, pleating the rug on the floor as her body landed, piling it up in the doorway to the dining room. I could sense that she had not expected this reaction from me and that she was emotionally as well as physically stunned for a moment.

I wish I had known about my super strength earlier in the evening when I dealt with the three thugs who had stolen my clothes.

When Pam re-entered the living room a moment later, straightening her disheveled dress, I warned her firmly, "Be nice to her."

Pam's smile was forced, but her tone with Sookie was more civil than it had been moments before. "Sookie," she began persuasively, "I believe Bill _set Eric up_, then sent him into that coven in Shreveport knowing it was a trap." I listened intently to Pam's theory. I had no idea who Bill was, but clearly, he was someone all three of us knew well. "It wouldn't be the first time he tried to get rid of Eric." Pam raised an eyebrow at me knowingly.

Evidently, Bill was my enemy. I wondered what I had done to make him feel that away towards me?

"Yeah, because Eric _tasted me_," Sookie snapped, as if that made Bill's attempts to ensnare me completely understandable.

_That_ derailed my train of thought. "Oh, I _did_?" I couldn't hide my delight at the thought that I had been permitted to taste her blood. If Sookie tasted even a fraction of how good she smelled, she had to be amazing. And if she _let me_ taste her in the past, maybe –

Sookie pursed her lips, looking back at me. "Yes. _Against my will_. So, technically, you fang-raped me," she said drily.

Well. Fuck.

I didn't know what to say to that. "Oh," I finally murmured in embarrassment. "Sorry."

Sookie blinked in surprise (_again_) at my apology, while Pam ignored the entire conversation, focusing only on my human hostess.

"Promise me you won't go to Bill," Pam pleaded with Sookie, her desperation evident in her voice and through my connection with her. "I'm sure he would use this as an excuse to get the AVL to sign off on assassinating Eric. I know he _wants_ to."

_Assassinate _me? This Bill wanted to kill me? Sookie seemed to view Bill as an ally and while I'd just met her, I'd already concluded that she seemed to be a good person. What did that say about me, that she was friendly with someone who wished me dead? My spirits sank lower.

"Eric _has _to stay here with you and _no one_ can know," Pam finished imploringly.

This much I had learned about Pam in the last few minutes; she was genuinely frightened for me.

There was a long silence as Sookie pondered how to respond to the blonde vampire's plea. She glanced at me and I looked back at her steadily, hoping she would be willing to protect me. From all that I had just learned, I couldn't have blamed her if she said no. No wonder she didn't want me touching or _biting _her. And here I'd worried that she just thought I was _rude._

I was relieved when she finally said, "Okay." My relief turned to humiliation as she stepped closer to Pam and continued, "But _you _are going to have to pay me for babysitting him. If y'all are going to keep messing with my life, I ought to at least get something out of it, goddammit."

_I must be a total asshole._

Strangely, I could feel that Pam respected Sookie for asking for compensation and I felt her relax now that Sookie had promised to watch over me.

"How much do you want?" Pam asked Sookie matter-of-factly.

Sookie raised her chin before answering resolutely. "Enough to buy my house back. When Eric is…back to himself, I want to know exactly how much I owe him for what he paid for the house itself, the repairs and the renovations. And _that_ is how much I want."

Pam raised an eyebrow. "And if Eric doesn't want to sell the house to you?"

"Well, then I'll keep the money and move the hell away from here," Sookie said confidently. "And he can keep the house. Without me in it."

Pam nodded as if this was a proposal that made sense to her. The vampire then addressed me deferentially. "Eric…do I have permission to accept this deal on your behalf? If you disagree with it when you are back to yourself, I will pay you _every dime_ out of my own money. But I think staying here with Sookie is your safest option." I could feel her sincerity and anxiety for me.

I couldn't meet Sookie's eyes as I said quietly. "I agree."

I had followed the negotiation carefully but I still couldn't figure out what interest Sookie had in my house. Somehow, I felt that asking the question would be asking to _start something_.

"Well, that's decided then," Sookie said briskly. "Pam, I'm gonna need some clothes for him. All he has left are those filthy leather jeans and I will _not_ have him staying in this house with nothing but those on. Can you bring some of his clothes over?"

I was as surprised as Sookie when Pam answered unwaveringly, "_No._"

"What do you mean, _no_?" Sookie asked in disbelief.

"I will not bring any of Eric's clothes here," Pam said firmly. She held up her hand and began to tick off her points on her fingers. "Witches have ways of putting spells on personal belongings to track people. Any clothing he wears _here_ shouldn't be anything he currently owns. He should have all new things." She touched a second finger. "Not that I want you taking him anywhere where he can be seen, but if Eric is accidently spotted here, he is not exactly going to blend into Bon Temps life in his normal clothing. He needs to be dressed like a _local_."

I looked down at my black leather pants and thought back to the reaction of the drunken men in Shreveport. I had a sense that Bon Temps, small town or not, had more in common with the city I had fled than I had realized.

I could also tell from Pam's tone and feelings that _dressing like a local _was not something she would normally approve of.

"Fair enough," Sookie nodded. "I will find him something for tonight, but I want you to send over some new outfits tomorrow. Oh, and don't forget the shoes. The man has big feet."

Pam's pursed her lips before drawling, "What can I say? He's proportional all over."

Sookie rolled her eyes. "Eric, let's finish getting you cleaned up."

"First, let me have your pendant," Pam said, holding out her hand towards me.

My hand grasped at the chain around my neck. I had barely been aware of it, but now that Pam wanted to take it from me, it felt precious. That and my jeans were the only things of the unknown _me _that I had left.

"Why?" Sookie was puzzled.

It was Pam's turn to roll her eyes. "Witches can use jewelry for spells as well. It's better if I take it from him, in case they try to _track him_ with it."

I guess I wasn't _that _sentimental.

I pulled the chain over my head and let it pool in Pam's outstretched palm.

"And the pants." Pam ordered.

I had already started undoing my jeans when Sookie yelped, "What? What do you want his pants for?"

Pam shook her head. "They're as much a potential tracking device for him as that piece of jewelry is. I'm dumping them in a swamp on the way back to Shreveport so they can't be traced. They've been destroyed by that mud, anyhow." She wrinkled her nose in disgust. She waved her fingers at me, encouraging me to make it snappy in stripping down.

Before Sookie could protest again, I had dropped the jeans and carefully peeled them free of my long legs.

Apparently, I didn't wear underwear.

I heard Sookie's heart skip a beat and felt that little twist of _lust _that I had sensed earlier, mixed with a healthy dose of _embarrassment _as she quickly averted her eyes with a sharp intake of breath. "Jesus Christ, Shepherd of Judea," she muttered _sotte voce_.

Despite the serious cause for my disrobing, Pam was extremely amused by Sookie's reaction.

I didn't feel any self-consciousness about my nudity on my own behalf, but given how shitty I was feeling about myself (_house-buying, biting asshole_), I actually felt a little awkward about causing Sookie yet more discomfort.

I picked up the blanket from the couch where I had dropped it and discreetly arranged it around my waist.

"It's okay to look now," I said humbly to Sookie.

Pam snorted and folded my jeans up. "Well, I guess I have some shopping to do," she said smartly. She shot one last look at Sookie before saying civilly to her, "Thank you for agreeing to watch over him, Sookie. I consider it a fair deal." And then she was gone.

She'd left the front door open. Sookie pursed her lips and hurried over to close it.

"Well." She cleared her throat as she turned back to me. "Would you like a shower? I'll see what I can find for you to wear tonight. I'm pretty sure Jason has some old gym clothes up in the attic that might fit you. He's smaller than you, but they always seemed pretty loose and stretchy to me."

She was rattling on. I think she was unnerved to be left alone with me in nothing but the brown blanket.

I wish I had been able to enjoy her being flustered, but all I could think was that she was being too kind, given what I was beginning to understand was a strained history between us.

She showed me to a bathroom on an upper floor and while I was in the shower scrubbing up, she must have had success in locating her brother's clothes because when I stepped out of the steamy curtained space a little while later, a pair of basketball shorts and a sleeveless blue hoodie were lying in a neat pile on the sink.

When I had dressed myself, I ventured downstairs and found Sookie in the kitchen, cleaning. She was just drying a large glass decanter and I was surprised to detect the scent of blood – a fair amount of it. I frowned, puzzled, and then sat down at the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry I don't have any TruBloods to offer you," Sookie apologized as she set the glass decanter down to dry on the side of the sink. I could feel that she felt almost guilty about something. "I don't keep any in the house since I ended things with –" She stopped.

With who? With _me_? With the vampire ex-boyfriend who had brought her to my bar?

I didn't want to push her if she didn't want to share. I already felt like I was impinging on her personal space.

"Do I like TruBlood?" I asked curiously. I couldn't remember the taste of blood, but somehow, I had a vague sense that blood was at its best directly from a human source, still hot and fresh.

"I've never tasted it," Sookie said with a shrug. "I thought Bill was drinking it almost exclusively until recently, but I think he has changed his drinking patterns." She sounded bitter. "In any case, that is the _only_ blood you are going to get to drink in _this_ house, so you are just going to have to learn to like it if you don't care for it." She pursed her lips and wiped the counter fiercely.

"Why would this Bill want to kill me for having tasted you?" I asked carefully.

She turned and leaned against the sink, her arms crossed in front of her, a sponge dangling from one hand. "Well, I used to be His," she replied. "He's still protective over me although we are not together anymore." There was something more she wasn't telling me, but I couldn't detect what it was since I could read only her feelings, not her thoughts.

"So, Bill is the ex-boyfriend who brought you to my bar?" I asked astutely.

"Yes," she answered simply.

"What about Pam? Who is she?" I asked. "I felt…it seemed like there was some connection between us."

"Well, she's your – I guess the word you vampires usually use is 'progeny,'" Sookie said, pronouncing the word carefully. "And you're her Maker. So, I guess she's sort of like your daughter?"

_The only vampire a vampire can trust is a vampire he made. _

I don't know where the stray thought came from, but it sounded like a wise saying. "Can I trust her?" I asked, looking at the only person I had trusted up until this point.

Sookie hesitated only a moment before saying, "Yes. I think you can. She really seems to care about you. I don't think she would ever hurt you." She seemed puzzled by this conclusion, but I could feel she genuinely believed it. It confirmed what I had been feeling from Pam herself.

As I turned the information over in my mind, Sookie said, "Eric, I need to go to bed soon. It's been a long day and I need to work tomorrow."

I stood up from the kitchen chair. "I suppose I should go to bed soon, too," I remarked. Although it wasn't close to dawn yet, I felt tired. It had been an emotionally exhausting night. "Can I just go to ground in the back yard somewhere?"

Sookie's brow wrinkled as she looked at me in confusion and (_once again_) surprise. She seemed to be struggling with something, but she finally said, "You don't have to sleep outside Eric. You have a cubby here in the house."

It was my turn to be surprised. "I _do_?"

"I haven't been in it, so I can't tell you what's down there, but I know it exists. And that you built it for yourself, so I'm sure it is safe." Her voice was wry as she said the last bit. "Follow me to the living room."

The entrance to the cubby was in a small ante-room off the back of the living room, a cubicle that appeared to host a variety of sewing tools and a large, ornately carved wardrobe.

Sookie opened the door on the cabinet and I was surprised to see a chute made of smooth metal walls, with a ladder leading down into the dark. Towards the top was some sort of keypad, although Sookie did not touch it.

"Go head," Sookie said gesturing towards the opening.

I looked down into the void and then back at her.

I didn't want to go down there by myself. It seemed dark and cold compared to the warmth of the rest of the house.

She could see the reluctance on my face and I heard her make a small noise of exasperation before muttering, "Oh, for Pete's sake." She climbed carefully into the opening, placed her feet on the rungs of the ladder and started down into the darkness.

As Sookie moved further down the ladder, light suddenly filled the cavity from below. I felt her start in fear but then the feeling faded almost instantly. "It's okay," she called up to me. "You can come down!"

I looked warily into the opening.

"Come on!" she said, patting a step on the ladder in encouragement.

I swung into the space and crawled carefully down the ladder in my bare feet. As I reached the bottom of the rungs, I was pleasantly surprised. The room was a light-tight cubicle of cinder-block, but there were a series of embedded lights in the wall, and the room was dominated by a single-width quilted leather bed with fur coverings.

_The room smelled like me. _

For all that both Pam and Sookie had referred to the house as my house, this was the first sign I'd had that it might be true.

Granted, there wasn't much in "my" room, but there was a book lying on the bed, still open, as if I had put it down while reading. More books were stacked on a bedside table.

It _looked_ right. It _felt_ right. _I liked it._

"Wow. This really _is_ my house," I said with relief. Somehow I had gone from wandering lost on the streets of Shreveport to my _home._ How had I been so fortunate?

"Well, but not for long," Sookie corrected me, her arms crossed in front of her.

"_You _live here? In _my_ house?" I was still trying to understand why I owned the house and yet Sookie lived in it. I couldn't hide my pleasure at the idea that she lived here with me, whatever the reason.

"Yes," Sookie answered tightly.

If I had tasted her, however unwillingly, maybe I had claimed her. If she hadn't been forthcoming about the house, maybe she wasn't being candid about our real relationship. I couldn't blame her since she was angry at me for some reason. It was actually very clever of her if she had some reason not to trust me. Hell, I wasn't sure _I_ trusted me at the moment.

"Are you mine?" I raised an eyebrow hopefully.

"No!" Sookie scoffed vehemently. I could feel that the discussion was making her angry.

"You belong to another vampire." It was a statement, not a question. For someone as alluring as Sookie to live in my house and not to be mine, there had to be a serious impediment to my having claimed her, and the obvious one was that she already belonged to someone else. Vampires did not violate one another's claims on humans, no matter how tempting the human.

Sookie hesitated. "No," she finally answered reluctantly.

Maybe she was angry with me because I had never _asked _her to be mine?

"Would you _like_ to be mine?" I asked expectantly.

"Ummmm, _not really_," Sookie snorted before adding sarcastically, "But thank you for asking."

She moved as if to leave and I zipped in front of her, lightly touching her arm with my right hand, just to make her pause for a moment.

She stepped back from me anxiously and I felt the tight coil of true fear inside her.

"Eric," she said evenly, "_Let. Me. Go._"

I spoke softly to put her at ease. "I just want to thank you for – for everything. That's all." Standing so close to her, I was hit anew by the intoxicating nature of her scent. As I looked at her golden hair and her hazel eyes, I was almost dizzy with attraction towards her. I could feel my entire body reacting to her closeness.

She was still nervous. She said very lightly and quickly, "You're welcome. Please let me go now."

I wrinkled my brow in puzzlement, trying to figure out why she had such a powerful effect on me. "_What are you_?" I said in a low voice.

"I'm really sick of being asked that question, is what I am," she replied steadily. "Let me go," she said her voice verging on pleading.

Suddenly conscious that if I stood much closer to her, a more _intimate part_ of me might inadvertently touch her, I edged back awkwardly. "Of – of course."

"Thanks," she said.

Realizing just how badly I wanted to step forward rather than back and to press my body against hers made my fangs pop out, joining the other part of my body in arousal.

Sookie gasped in fear and her small hands flew up in balled fists as if to guard herself against me.

I was mortified that my excitement was so obvious. "Sorry," I muttered, covering my fangs in embarrassment.

Sookie didn't say anything more, but fled up the ladder to the house.

Left alone in my room, I moved to my bed. The book I had apparently been reading was something about blood bonds. As tired as I was, I spent a few minutes looking through it, thinking about my connections with both Sookie and Pam. The information about the bond between Maker and Progeny was extensive, but I was more curious at the moment about what kind of bond I must have with Sookie. I knew I could feel her, but I had seen no signs that she felt my feelings in return. She wouldn't be so frightened of me if she did, I reasoned.

As best as I could determine, the one-way connection meant _Sookie had had my blood_ at some point.

I was excited at the thought. And I don't mean just emotionally.

At least until I wondered about the circumstances in which she had taken my blood. I wondered if it had happened at the time she said I had – and I winced as I thought of the phrase she had used to describe it — _fang-raped_ her.

When I finally found the information about mutual blood exchanges, I was reasonably sure that she had not taken my blood at the same time I had taken hers, at least not in any of the special ways described. Although, reading about the intense resulting bond of certain kinds of mutual exchanges, I was…intrigued.

As I lay down to take my rest, my thoughts were not on my vanished memories or the threat of the witches who had taken them, but on the fact that somewhere above me, I could feel Sookie as she drifted off to sleep. I felt comforted that we were sleeping under the same roof. I felt like I had come home.

**A/N: Special thank you to reader MelodyAnderson, who pointed out that Eric's necklace disappears and is not seen again while he is at Sookie's. Hope you like my fanwank on why that is. **

**And if you are wondering why Eric felt guilt from Sookie as she was apologizing for not having TruBlood, it was because she was kicking herself for having tossed that perfectly useful decanter of blood down the sink earlier in the day. She's still a good Southern hostess at heart. ;-)**


	3. Flight

**Chapter 3: Flight**

I woke with the sunset. I lay in the dark, still as only a vampire can be, and tried to orient myself to where I was. The place smelled of me, but everything also smelled new. Fur was under my cheek and draped across my legs, and I could smell the dry smell of old books. And just a hint of some other, enchanting scent, redolent of sweetness and sunlight.

_Sookie. _

I uncurled from the way I was tucked onto the bed, pushing myself up onto one elbow. As soon as I moved, the motion-sensitive lights in the room came up and I threw my free arm up for a second to minimize the brightness against my eyes.

_My room. My – and Sookie's – house. _

I listened carefully, but I didn't hear anyone else moving upstairs and the bond with Sookie indicated she was away from the house, and in a surprisingly calm mood. I waited to feel for any of the anger and frustration that had been constantly rumbling around inside her the day before, but tonight all I felt was … _resignation_.

Feeling that Sookie was still somewhere other than close to the house, I decided to emerge from my room and explore my new surroundings a bit more. If this was my house, maybe I would see something that would remind me of my past.

**~*E&S*~**

I was very confused by the time I had made my way through the entire farmhouse. I had found Sookie's bedroom on a top floor, a girlishly pretty room with floral wall paper and a family quilt on the small double bed. It smelled of Sookie, but I was surprised that her scent did not seem to be as completely ingrained into the surfaces in the way I would have expected if she had slept in the room regularly. Instead, like the rest of the house, I detected her fragrance as a recent overlay.

And the only place in the entire house that truly smelled of me was my underground room.

I eventually dropped onto the couch to ponder what this meant. The house had obviously been very recently been refurbished and neither Sookie nor I had been living in the newly redone space for any length of time. And yet, looking at the style of the décor, what I saw was Sookie's influence; my room had a distinct look to it that set it apart from the rest of the house. I thought the rest of the house looked nice, but nothing spoke to me personally the way my room did; the rest of the house was clearly Sookie's domain.

All I could speculate was that for some reason, I had redone the house to suit Sookie. Maybe I had intended it as a gift? Or maybe I had owed her for something? But why did Sookie act as if I had refused to give it to her?

It was hopelessly confusing. But as much as I wanted to ask Sookie to explain it, I realized I was almost afraid to know because I wasn't sure I would like what it revealed about my normal character.

My mood was not helped by the realization that I was hungry.

Remembering that Sookie had mentioned providing me with TruBlood, I checked the refrigerator, but all I found were normal human foods. I eyed a pack of hamburger, which was tinged with bloody liquid around the edges, but even I wasn't quite that desperate. Yet.

Going back to the living room, I found the remote to the TV and put that on for a while, intending to while away some time until Sookie came back – hopefully with something to eat.

**~*E&S*~**

I was engrossed in an Asian horror movie when I heard the rumble of a large truck in the drive. I had already sped to one side of the door to see who had arrived while staying out of sight when the doorbell rang.

It appeared to be some kind of delivery man in a uniform, holding an electronic signature pad. He had just set a large shipping box at his feet immediately outside the front door.

I weighed the risks for a moment but then cautiously opened the door. I had more confidence in my ability to protect myself against humans now that I understood my own strength a bit better.

"Delivery for Stackhouse," the man said disinterestedly. "I need a signature." He thrust the electronic device at me.

I could see the vein in his neck pumping in the pool of light from the porch light. My fangs tingled, but I fought the urge to drop them instantly. I did lick my lips, though.

Gods, I was _hungry. _

"Uh…sure," I muttered, taking the electronic clipboard and leaving a vague scrawl that could have been deciphered as anything, although I had been careful to include an oversized "S" (for _Stackhouse_) as part of it.

"Here you go." After I had handed back the device, the delivery man had picked up the shipping box and offered it to me.

I peered at the label: _Davis' Big & Tall in Shreveport._ Evidently, I now had something other than Jason Stackhouse's old gym clothes to wear, presumably courtesy of Pam per her agreement with Sookie.

"Have a good night." The man had started to turn away and head back down the steps.

"Wait!" When he turned back I caught his gaze and said in a low voice, "You don't recall any details about this delivery beyond that it was successful. You don't recall the house, you don't recall who the package was from and you don't recall who accepted it. Just mark it as delivered and then forget the rest."

He nodded his head dreamily at me and said slowly, "No problem. Will that be all?"

_Pump. Pump. Pump. _

His neck was calling me.

_No. If I could just have a sip of you…_

And then I pictured Sookie's reaction if she discovered I had fed on a delivery man _on her doorstep. _

I'm sure assessments of me as _rude_ and _biting asshole_ would be the very least of it.

Lost in my desire to feed but stymied by my concern about how it would look to my _housemate_, my fingers slipped on the edge of the package, letting it tumble to the porch floor. The delivery man jumped, jolted out of my glamour. He blinked expressionlessly at me.

"Sorry. I didn't have a very good hold on the box," I muttered, stooping to pick up the package again. "Thanks."

"Sure. Uh, sure…Good night, sir." The delivery man seemed to shake himself before turning towards the porch steps. I watched the man walk towards his van, his stride growing more certain as he moved down the path, his mind evidently clearing. I closed Sookie's front door and waited until I heard the van pull away before taking the box into the dining room to open it up on the table there.

It contained some jeans, a handful of plaid shirts, some sort of long-sleeved cotton tops with buttons, athletic shoes, and a denim jacket with a corduroy collar.

No underwear. No socks.

I eyed the plaid shirts with particular wariness; they reminded me of the thugs in Shreveport who had assaulted me. I sighed. I guess that was the point of _dressing like a local. _I had to admit, having experienced the locals' reaction to my normal style of dress, this Northern Louisiana camouflage certainly seemed less likely to attract attention.

Uncertain where Sookie would want me to put my clothes since there was not a closet in my cubby, I left the box on the dining room table and went back to the living room to resume watching the movie.

It was a ghost story and there were the requisite long-haired, dark-eyed spirits lurking under furniture and outside windows. I was enjoying it while waiting for Sookie.

But then came the blood.

The humans had begun to have visions of the extremely gruesome ends of the ghosts' previous victims and the scenes were _swimming_ in blood.

Rationally, I knew it was whatever was used in movies to create the illusion of blood, but my fangs popped out, long and hard at the sight. I groaned with hunger and accidentally cut the edge of my lip on the tip of a fang in my frustration. Using my tongue to lick my own blood off my lip, I grew aroused at the taste and smell. The faint smell of Sookie in the house wasn't helping. I was _so hungry_.

I realized I could not stand to sit here and wait for Sookie to come back.

Especially because I suddenly feared that instead of grabbing the TruBlood she had promised when she came in the door, I would try to grab _her._ And I had _sworn_ I would neither touch nor bite her.

I had to find something to at least have a snack on, and _fast_,before I was tempted to break my solemn vow.

**~*E&S*~**

Sookie – _we_ – lived in the middle of _nowhere._

I went out the back door into the yard, trying to decide which way to go. To the front of the house ran the road that we had driven in on and which led towards town; behind the house and to one side were thick woods. To the other side of the house was a more open area that led towards a cemetery. In the distance on that side, I could see the lights of another home. Otherwise, the countryside was dark, except for the light of the waxing moon.

I cursed to myself as I debated about which way to go; if only I had some way to see which direction looked most promising.

And then the most fucking amazing thing happened.

I was standing in the yard, _wishing_ I could see from a higher vantage point when suddenly I _was._ I was at roof-top level, hovering in the dark above the ground, able to see in every direction around Sookie's house.

I could _fly._

Or float. Or something.

I tentatively rose higher into the air until I was well above the tree tops and able to see more clearly what surrounded me.

The house on the other side of the cemetery was the nearest neighbor and from my new position, I could see that it was extremely large and well-lit.

I could also smell _humans._ _Lots_ of humans.

My fangs distended and nearly aching with craving, I flew in the direction of the cemetery.

**~*E&S*~**

The human smells were definitely coming from the well-maintained but clearly ancient plantation-style home on the far side of the cemetery. Still skittish after the attack in Shreveport, I hovered along the tree line, careful to stay hidden among the upper levels of branches.

There were several humans, mostly male, on the property below. All were dressed in dark, military-style clothing with dark knit hats pulled low over their heads. They were scattered around the perimeter of the land and moving in orderly grid patterns clearly designed to protect the building at their center.

They were all armed.

I frowned, baffled as to why a home so close to Sookie's would be protected with such a high level of security.

And then I smelled vampire.

I wanted to get closer to the house to investigate, but I was concerned I would be spotted by the guards if I came near any of the exposed windows to peer inside, so I kept back.

Vampires are generally security-conscious, but such an extensive cadre of protectors indicated a relatively high level of status in the vampire political structure. Nonetheless, I was confused. A fully human squad made no sense as adequate protection for a powerful vampire, and I couldn't imagine why an authority of relatively high rank would be in such an isolated area of the state rather than somewhere more populated. What sort of position did this vamp hold?

Perhaps it was a _local _political duty, I deduced.

_Maybe it was the Area Sheriff. _

I felt a small leap of hope at the thought. Maybe the Sheriff would have an idea of what might be done to help me regain my memory. Or perhaps he or she could be relied on to intervene in whatever plans Sookie's ex-boyfriend Bill had to kill me.

_On the other hand…_

I frowned as I watched a human guard pace the length of a pathway below me. What kind of Sheriff would need so many sentries, particularly human ones? Not a strong one, which was not reassuring if I was looking for an ally.

And Pam hadn't suggested taking me to the local Sheriff; in fact, she thought _no one_ should know where I was.

Clearly she didn't feel the Area Sheriff could be counted on to help me. Unfortunately, I didn't know where the fault for that would lie – in the Sheriff's character? Or in mine? Maybe whoever I was normally had left a trail of enemies instead of allies behind him, including the local vampire authorities who would know him – _me _– best.

I drew back even further among the remaining leaves around me.

I didn't know who I could trust—besides Sookie. And maybe Pam. Whoever the vampire was who lived in this mansion, I shouldn't make myself known until I knew more about him or her. And what relationship we might usually have.

One of the armed guards walked beneath the tree where I hovered and I could smell the unremarkable but still hunger-rousing scent of his blood. I had never withdrawn my fangs after leaving the house and now they felt as turgid and eager to be embedded in flesh as a teenaged boy's morning erection. I inhaled and had to stifle the hungry moan that nearly resulted for fear the human would hear me and look up.

As the man walked past my tree in the dark, I considered whether I could simply overpower him, but ruled that out since I didn't know what kind of ammunition was in his weapon. There was no way to tell if his bullets were standard-issue, silver or something far more deadly to my kind, like wood. I was fast, but if he was trained and I was even slightly distracted – as I had to concede that I was, due to my hunger – I could be injured or even killed.

Perhaps I should try to glamour him instead. I had been pleasantly surprised at how easy it had been for me to glamour the delivery man just a bit earlier. Apparently, the ability to glamour was, as the human phrase went, like riding a bike: a skill rendered basically instinctual once learned, and quickly regained even if momentarily forgotten. My plan was to zip down at vamp speed, catch his eye and subsequently his mind, and then have a quick bite – just enough to take the edge off –and then release him without having harmed him. At least, not much.

By now, he was a few short yards past my hidden location and I was just about to make my move when it occurred to me. If his vampire employer was someone important and I drank without permission from a guard – even a little bit – that might not go over well.

Fuck.

As much as I wanted to bite the man below – or any of the guards – unless I knew what risks I was taking, it was not safe.

Now the smell of the human seemed almost taunting as he strolled away into the dark.

Frustrated with hunger, I blasted up into the sky to escape the mouth-watering smell of a dinner I dared not have.

**~*E&S*~**

I spent some time flying surreptitiously through the night sky over Bon Temps, but every time I saw a human that I considered drinking, no opportunity seemed quite right. They were too publicly exposed; they were not alone; they smelled unappetizingly of alcohol. One was a petite blonde that reminded me of Sookie, which made me feel guilty that I was stalking her neighbors for food, something I was suddenly _sure _she would not approve of.

I wondered if I normally cared this much about who I ate and why, or whether it was just the result of my reliance on Sookie and her good will. I did not want to offend her and it made me cautious in my choices even when out of her sight. Thoughts of Sookie's opinion of me – especially her clear assessment that I was normally some sort of threat to her – gave me pause. Already apprehensive about what I had done wrong in my normal state to make her so angry and frustrated with me, I was reluctant to add to what appeared to be my sins as far as she was concerned. And while I suppose I could have lied to her about my actions in order to appease her, something in me resisted being deceitful with her. I wanted to earn her trust and earn it _legitimately._

Leaving the small cluster of lights in downtown Bon Temps behind, I flew back towards the woods, reluctantly but resignedly deciding I should hunt other prey tonight.

If Sookie herself ate meat, I thought she would forgive me for pursuing an animal as food in a way she would not if I ate an unwilling human.

**~*E&S*~**

I followed my nose and my ears as I flew over the forest, alert to anything living. For the most part, I could sense only small animals, too small to be worth my taking.

I also caught an unexpected whiff of werewolves in one particular clearing, probably some regular meeting place for the local pack. There were none present this night, although I noted that with the moon nearing full, they might be visiting again soon.

In the end, I finally ate a deer I captured in the woods. It wasn't much, but it was hot and fresh, and as I drank it, I felt the worst of my intense hunger diminish. As I knelt on the ground over its cooling body, I felt a strange sense of identification with my victim. I felt as if I never knew when something was going to come out of the dark and seize me for its own purposes. But unlike the deer I had just consumed, I suspected that I would not be an _innocent_ victim, but somehow deserving of whatever targets were on my back.

When I had finished eating, I thought about returning home to Sookie. I could feel through the bond that she was curious and perhaps mildly concerned, but otherwise at peace. Maybe having me out of the house was a relief.

For all that I couldn't remember who I was, I suddenly realized that I already wanted to forget who I seemed to be; someone who frightened and angered Sookie, who provoked murderous thoughts in others. It seemed so far from who I was at the moment and I didn't think I _wanted_ to get any closer to that version of me.

Uncomfortable with the increasingly glum nature of my thoughts, I decided to distract myself for a while longer by exploring the area without any particular goal in mind. I had realized something as I skimmed through the cool October air in search of a meal: _I loved to fly._ Anxious to leave the increasingly heavy burden of _who I might be_ behind, I launched myself into the night sky again, willfully enjoying the sensation of the air stroking my body and the wind ruffling my hair. I still had an appetite, but it seemed less important as I coasted along on the air currents. And as I soared beneath the waxing moon, I felt increasingly free and maybe even a little bit happy in the moment.


	4. Shedding Light on Things

**Chapter 4: Shedding Light on Things**

My heart had become as light as the rest of my body as I had soared through the night. Not only did my flight relax me both physically and emotionally, but I had felt the bond with Sookie remain tranquil. Which was more than I could say for the other bonds I could feel in my body; Pam had been filled with rage at some point during the evening and an unexplained third bond had percolated with terror.

I barely knew what to do with my own feelings, much less all these others'. So I just kept flying until it all fell away.

I was just noticing with surprise (and maybe a little guilt) that Sookie still seemed to be awake although it was nearing dawn when I felt a sudden rush of fear from her. Heedless of my earlier reluctance to return to the farmhouse, I shot towards her home.

As I neared the house, a scent drifted to me on the breeze, so potent that I felt nearly dizzy inhaling it. At first I thought it was just the vestiges of my remaining hunger making the smell so intoxicating, but as I drew closer, the scintillating perfume seemed to reach out and grab me, begging me to follow. The scent was similar to Sookie's enticing sweetness, but this was richer and more powerful, and while Sookie's scent allured and tantalized, this odor _demanded_ response.

My fangs were out and my body was in full-alert mode before I could even speculate about the source of the distraction. If anyone other than Sookie had been at risk, I would have succumbed to the overwhelming desire to simply follow my nose and embrace the freedom and exhilaration the air promised, but I resisted the draw and concentrated on reaching her before she was harmed by whatever had frightened her. I was shocked when I realized that both the irresistible aroma and my bond with Sookie were tugging me to the same location: the front of our home.

A slender, dark-haired woman stood at the foot of the front steps, dressed in an elaborate and clinging lace-trimmed gown. She would no doubt have been considered beautiful by most standards, but her appearance was lost on me as I realized that _she_ was what _smelled so good_. She could have looked like a bundled sack of potatoes and I still would have been dazed with desire for her. Not sensual desire; raw, primal _hunger_.

"Now, come with me while you still can," the _bestmealevermusthaveitnow_ demanded of Sookie, thrusting out her hand insistently as if to grab Sookie and spirit her away.

"I thought the Queen closed all the portals –" I heard Sookie begin as her fear ratcheted up inside her. I didn't quite understand how the dark-haired woman who looked so ethereal and smelled so delicious could be a threat, but it didn't matter; it was clear that Sookie was intimidated by the stranger for some reason and I trusted Sookie's judgment.

"Come with me!" the _delicioussweetmorsel _commanded, cutting Sookie off. As Sookie hesitated on the porch, the woman grew impatient. "_Sookie, this is not a request!_"

"Stay away from me," Sookie spat out, backing away in fear.

I didn't know what the _smellssogoodHAVEtotasteit _was, but she was trying to take Sookie somewhere that Sookie did not want to go and I _could not let her do that_. Before she could move any closer to Sookie, I snatched her at vamp speed and, before she could defend herself, dragged her several yards away from Sookie, throwing her to the ground as I attacked her throat with my teeth.

I fully intended to bite her, but even I was not prepared for what happened when I did. As I sank my fangs into the front of her neck and the nectar that was her blood touched my tongue, my unsatisfied appetite roared to life and I found myself not merely _drinking _but tearing, guzzling and gulping at her neck with escalating frenzy. The entire world seemed to collapse down to the astonishing fountain of life that was pouring across my taste buds and down my ravenous throat.

I was dimly aware of Sookie calling my name frantically as the creature whose luscious liquid I was quaffing so ferociously moaned beneath me. I lost my last remnant of control, my fangs wildly savaging her neck at vampire speed as I eagerly drained the precious fluid from her veins. As I drew again and again, I felt something strange happening to the body I held in my arms, but nothing could dissuade me from my focus on getting _Every. Last. Drop._

When I finally drew my bloodied mouth away from the desiccated figure, I was stunned to see that it was no longer a stunningly beautiful woman, but a creature with taloned fingers, inhumanly angled feet, pointed ears and a mouth full of sharp teeth that made my twin fangs look relatively harmless.

I was still staring in befuddlement at the changed corpse when it suddenly burst into a whirlwind of sparks that left behind a gritty coating of grey dust on my hands (_why did that seem familiar?)_ and flooded the air around me with _sunlight_ before vanishing, leaving me once again in the dark.

Dazedly, I stared at my filthy hands and then looked up at Sookie, who was regarding me with astonishment and horror from several feet away. "You just killed my fairy godmother!" she burst out.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. "S-sorry," I stammered out in embarrassment. _Biting asshole._ Vaguely I could feel that while Sookie was shocked, she was not as angry as I might have expected if this so-called "fairy godmother" had been someone Sookie had cared deeply for. The creature _had_ been trying to abduct her, so I hoped she would eventually forgive me for my…_overkill._ I gave Sookie an awkward half smile in apology, self-conscious about having fed in front of her so feverishly. I didn't feel awkward for very long, however; my head – no, my entire _body_ – had begun to buzz in an almost pleasant way and I felt a rising tide of giddiness that swept away my tiny ripples of anxiety, drowning them in waves of bliss.

I could feel that Sookie was still afraid, but I dimly heard her speaking hurriedly about my needing to get in the house because the creature's friends might be coming, so she wasn't afraid of _me._ And on that happy, relieved thought, I promptly face-planted in the dirt with a grunt.

**~*E&S*~**

The dirt made a surprisingly soft pillow and I found I enjoyed its earthy smell up close. I lay on the ground with my eyes closed, reveling in the sensations that were flowing through my body. I was actually quite content to just lie there face down in the dirt, unmoving, but Sookie – _beautiful, concerned Sookie_ – was still worried about me.

"We're heading for the cubby, you hear me?" she insisted before jabbing me in the shoulder with a finger to get my attention. "Hey!"

Woozily I struggled to my feet. It wasn't right to distress Sookie, especially when I was feeling so incredibly _good._ Okay, maybe a little spacy and physically as loose as a puppet with cut strings, but sweet, kind Sookie really shouldn't have to worry about me. I was _fine._ _Never better_, in fact. As I blinked at her, I couldn't help but grin. Gods, she was so incredibly beautiful. And sexy in her short little worker's uniform. "Hey," I murmured appreciatively before beginning to stumble closer to her. She was _perfect._

Not only did she _look_ good, but she _smelled good_, too. Not as intoxicating as the creature I had just imbibed from, but still extremely tantalizing. Sookie's blood was calling to me, not with the urgency of the other woman's, but with a sweet coaxing: _Taste me. Draw me into you… _

Or maybe that was her lips. Or another soft, _more intimate_ part of her body. Mmmmm.

_I wanted Sookie._

And I didn't mean just her blood. I wanted _all_ of her, every delectable inch.

I tottered towards her, the ground swaying beneath my bare feet as I fixated on her adorably tanned neck. "Want –" I tried to mumble, but for a moment it seemed just too hard to talk, so I just gestured towards her throat with a pointed finger.

"Quit!" Sookie cried out, backing away from me.

"I want more," I rumbled thickly, continuing to lumber towards her retreating form.

"You can't have more. There isn't any more. _You drank the whole fairy,_" Sookie snapped sharply. "And you're going to your room!"

I leaned in towards the enticing curve of Sookie's neck, casually flipping her braid out of the way with my hand in order to give me clear access to that intoxicating pulse point. "I'll drink you," I muttered, anxious to press my lips against her skin. While I couldn't remember what biting a human was like in detail, I knew I wanted to make my first (_remembered_) time with her as special for her as it would be for me. I wanted to nuzzle into the warm curve beneath her chin, lave the sensitive thread of her life force with my tongue, and suck her tender flesh to a rosy flush before entering her with my fangs. If I did it properly, she would find it arousing and sensual rather than painful. A taste of my gorgeous Sookie – just a _taste_ – would make my night complete.

It was her feelings more than her voice that brought me up short.

"Eric, you'll _kill _me, _no_!" she cried. I felt the rush of her genuine panic and terror engulf both of us through our one-way bond.

She really expected me to _kill her_ if I bit her.

I pulled back sharply from Sookie, shocked and, frankly, _hurt_ that she would assume I was even capable of such a thing.

"I would _never _harm you," I said, frowning indignantly and retracting my fangs to emphasize the point.

And if I ever had any doubt that she couldn't feel my feelings in the way I felt hers, the fact that she could even conceive such a thing sealed it. If only we had a bond that worked both ways, she would _know_ how I felt, _know_ she was safe with me.

"You better not," Sookie muttered darkly, as she pulled her braid against her neck as if to guard against my fangs. "Come on. I'll tuck you in."

Her words gave me the mental image of tiny Sookie putting oversized me into my bed, pulling up my blankets and giving me a kiss on the head, which made me laugh a little. If she tucked me into my bed, it wasn't a child-like kiss on the head that I would want.

Sookie began to march towards the house, obviously expecting me to follow. As I trailed behind her, I couldn't help but be entranced by the beautiful curve of her bottom in her ridiculously short black shorts. Feeling playful, I snuck up behind her at vamp speed and speedily pinched her delectable backside with my right hand before darting around in front of her with a grin.

"Hey!" Sookie squealed, slapping her hands to her hips as if to protect her vulnerable backside. "Did you just _pinch my butt_?"

I circled around behind her again, admiring my target some more. "_Beautiful _butt," I murmured appreciatively. Beautiful _everything_, really.

"Well, thanks, but hands off!" Sookie responded.

This time I used _both_ my hands as pincers, one for each perfect globe, before darting away from her with a laugh.

"Hey! I _said_ -" Sookie started to chastise me. I only laughed harder at her reaction. Something in my behavior must have finally clicked for her as her mouth suddenly dropped open and she blurted in astonishment, "You're _drunk_!"

I don't know if what I felt was drunk, so much as happy – _ecstatic_ even. And very, very playful.

I leaned over as if to whisper something confidential. "Catch me!" I darted off at vamp speed, hoping she would give chase.

I had already reached the far end of her yard when I heard her call. "Get back here!"

Within seconds, I was standing close to her again, grinning with pleasure.

"I'm trying to help you," she said urgently. "You can't do this. Get back in the house right now!" I could feel her genuine worry for me. She was being sweet and considerate, but it was utterly unnecessary. I felt so incredibly _good _– relaxed, free and invincible. I wanted to share those feelings with Sookie. We could be having so much _fun._

Playfully, I darted around the yard again, stopping at several points to see if Sookie followed. When she didn't, I zipped back to her and leaned over from behind to whisper the answer to her command to go back into the house. "Never!"

"It'll be dawn soon!" Sookie insisted anxiously.

"I don't care," I laughed in return. I feared nothing at the moment; not the sun, not my unknown enemies, not even the mystery of what kind of vampire I was when I had all my memories intact. All was right and possible in my world and I intended to go enjoy it. Even if Sookie was not feeling brave enough – yet – to join me. Trusting that she would come around and follow me into the bliss that was about to be my morning, I zipped off into the woods, leaving Sookie calling my name.

The sky was beginning to lighten and I realized joyfully that I was going to be awake to see the sunrise. I suddenly realized that since I didn't know how old I was – maybe Sookie knew? – I didn't know how long it had been since I had seen one, but my instincts said it had been a long, _long_ time. While the sky was still a darkling grey, I launched myself up into the air and coasted on the autumn winds, looking for the horizon over which the sun would rise. Without the sun as a reference point, distinctions like east and west were just directions to vampires, no different than left or right in the endless darkness.

As I rose above the trees, I could see the nearly full moon setting and knew then that that was west and the new sun would rise precisely opposite just as the full moon set. I spun myself giddily in the air out of sheer excitement and then focused on the now-identified eastern horizon, where I could see hints of pink. As I hovered in the air, I also realized I could hear birds beginning to sing in the trees below me, a surprisingly loud chorus of music.

As the sun's first rays crept over the horizon and the air around me grew brighter with sunlight, I vaguely realized that someone might actually see me floating here in the sky. While I wasn't frightened at the idea of being seen – I felt far too invincible to be very worried – I did think I would enjoy the sunrise more if I were not interrupted by anyone who might spot me, so I lowered myself gently into a nearby treetop. Perched among the leaves, I watched as the giant orange ball of light began to tiptoe and then pour towards me over the distant skyline.

It was glorious.

I don't know if I had ever truly appreciated a sunrise as a human, but now, as a vampire, I couldn't help but be struck by the incredible, awesome beauty of what I was seeing. The astonishing colors of the clouds as the sun rose up from its hiding place; the way that the endless sea of night lightened and the ground began to reveal the solitary shadows of individual objects instead of merging everything into a solid pool of darkness; the way everything on the earth below – the plants, the animals, the humans – seemed to respond to the new presence of the light by turning to it or moving around more under its influence.

It was miraculous, wondrous, magnificent.

I was so lost in the vision of what I was seeing that it took me a moment to realize I could _feel_ the sun's rays as they touched my skin – and that I wasn't burning. I hadn't realized I would be safe in the sun; I simply hadn't cared whether I was or not. But now that I could feel the heat along my face and my bared arms, I recognized that it _wasn't hurting me._

I sat, warming myself in the sun, until it was all the way up over the horizon and day had fully dawned. Everything smelled sweeter in the warmth of the sunlight: the leaves, the grass far below.

_The water. _

I suddenly realized I could smell water. I _loved _water.

I followed my nose.

**~*E&S*~**

The enticing water smell was coming from a small lake not too far from my and Sookie's house. The surface was shimmering like jewels in the sunlight, begging me to immerse myself in its cool, greenish depths. Taking advantage of my supernatural speed, I stripped myself of all my clothing, leaving it in a hasty pile on the bank and dove into the water.

It looked so different underneath the surface with the sunlight to illuminate everything. There was so much color, so much detail that was usually lost in the darkness, even to my vampire eyesight. I glided beneath the water, entranced with the way the light revealed the normally hidden depths. I enjoyed the physical sensation of the lake as it caressed my skin and the way I could feel the top layer of the water beginning to warm ever so slightly from the sun. There were fish in the depths and I was elated to find that they did not react negatively to my presence, but simply swam alongside me as I glided through the sparkling coolness.

I felt peaceful and happy, at one with all around me. The only thing missing was someone – no, not just "someone," _Sookie_ – to share it with me.

Just as I was thinking that this exhilarating experience could only be improved by Sookie's presence, I felt through our bond that she was finally coming closer. Overjoyed at the thought that she had finally decided to join me, I paddled towards the surface.

"I know you don't like him, but if he dies, Pam will _kill me_," I heard through the muffle of the water. Sookie was standing on the edge of the lake, near where I had left my clothes, a large red blanket bundled into her arms, talking to – talking to a wolf? Whatever she was talking to, I didn't care, I was so happy to finallysee her. My heart was bubbling over with joy and I could share _everything _with her now that she was here.

"Hey, Sookie!" I called to her happily. "Where've you been?" I splashed water and threw my arms open to her in invitation. "Come! Come play with me! It's wonderful here!" I deepened my voice playfully. "I am Ægir, god of the sea," I said, gesturing dramatically. "And you are Rán, my sea goddess!"

Sookie was having none of it, though. "There's _big gators_ in there, you crazy Viking! Get on out and let's go home before one of 'em chomps off your _you-know-what_!" I felt a little prickle of embarrassment mixed in with her sincere concern for me, but I had no fear for what lurked beneath the water's surface.

I dove back into the lake, coming up only to fountain a spray of water into the air like the god of the sea I had likened myself to. "And leave the sun to the water? Nope! I'll just _kill _all the sea monsters!" I swam as if searching for the creatures Sookie feared threatened me and then stood up on the lake bottom, prepared to summon them from their hiding places. "Gators," I called coaxingly. "_Krokodiler_! Show yourselves!" I splashed menacingly in the water before growling out, "Cowards!"

And suddenly there was a naked _man_ – no, a naked _werewolf _– standing next to Sookie. He was as tall as I was, and about as muscular, but dark where I was fair and bearded where I was smooth. I heard him mutter to her, "He really _is_ different."

I didn't know who he was, but I knew he was standing_ Too. Close. To. Sookie._ Especially with all that nakedness. I roared, fully fanged. "_Get away from her!_" I bellowed.

The wolf was unimpressed. "Fuck you! She wants me here!" he shouted back at me. I could see his body tense up, ready for me to attack him.

"Eric, this is Alcide," Sookie interjected. "He's our _friend._ He's going to help. You _don't want to fight him._"

"Yes, I do," I replied menacingly, my eyes never leaving those of the wolf. "Prepare to die, you stinking dog."

"Take a shot, you dumbshit fanger!" the wolf replied ominously.

Sookie had no patience with the testosterone flowing so freely between myself and the wolf. "Grow _up_, you giant babies," she said, rolling her eyes at both of us. "Alcide, stop making that noise!" she snapped as the wolf began to growl at me. "Eric, put up those fangs and _do what I say_!"

Even as Sookie was speaking, I began to notice I wasn't feeling quite as indestructible as I had just moments before. Suddenly, the sun seemed too bright in my eyes, and as I looked down at myself, I could see my skin beginning to redden and cast off a haze of smoke. "Uh…I—I don't feel so good," I muttered.

Sookie briskly shook out the blanket she had bundled into her arms. "Well, now, you listen to me –"

It was if my entire body was beginning to run with tiny rivulets of pain, like molten lava under my skin. I began to curl into myself, shrinking from the sun that just moments before had been such a pleasure to me but was now my torturer. "Sookie, I _hurt_," I said faintly. "My blood is…burning," I finally choked out, looking down at my reddening, smoking body with dismay.

"I know, I know," she said sympathetically, holding out the blanket and walking out into the gator-infested waters to reach me. As she waded out, the sunlight caught her blonde hair, making the strands flare like a halo around her head. She bundled the red fabric around my shoulders to protect me from the now deadly rays and gently directed me towards the shade on the shore. "You've got to get – vamp speed," she said firmly.

"I don't want to go back to the dark," I protested weakly. For a moment, I resisted Sookie's attempts to move me forward and I turned back towards the sunlit water, suddenly paralyzed at how quickly everything had gone from bliss to regret and loss. "I want this –I want this—" _this happiness, this freedom._ I couldn't even get the words out, I was so stricken with the sudden grief of having to give up what I had just had so briefly.

"Just keep that blanket on with the sun at your back," ordered the wolf, reaching out to guide me up the bank of the lake.

I turned to Sookie, overcome with my loss. "Sookie, I –" I didn't even know what I wanted to ask of her, what I wanted to tell her. And there was _no time_. I was rapidly sobering up and realizing that if I lingered for much longer, the sun I had been enjoying so passionately a few minutes ago would _kill me _and quickly.

Sookie looked at me, her face full of compassion. "Go, run – we'll be right behind you," she instructed gently but urgently. I fled, just as she instructed, with the man-turned-wolf right behind me.

I reached the porch within seconds and was inside the house just as quickly. I felt a sudden rush of frustration when I realized that just being in the house was not good enough – it was too brightly lit because of the windows and I was still not safe from the deadly light. I threw open the doors that led down to my room, and rushed into the metal shaft, nearly losing the blanket covering my naked form on the way.

Back down into my "safe," dark hole, I thought bitterly.

The wolf did not follow, but Sookie was a few steps behind me.

"Eric, I brought your clothes," she said as she came down the ladder. Carefully avoiding looking at my nude body, she handed me the shirt and shorts I had left by the lake.

"Thank you," I said distractedly. I threw aside the shirt, but pulled on the sports shorts. Sookie was evidently dissatisfied with my decision and picked the blanket up from where it had fallen on the floor and draped it around my shoulders again. I stood passively, numbed against the swirl of feelings (_disappointment, loss, frustration_) raging through me. My _own_ feelings, not Sookie's. For a change, I was the one who was hurting, while I could feel only sympathy from Sookie.

"Why don't you sleep in those today and then we'll get you all sorted out with the new things Pam sent tonight," Sookie said. "You should get to bed. It's well past your bedtime."

Now that the miraculous elixir that had protected me from the sun had worn off, I could feel the day trying to pull me down into my usual vampiric rest.

I resented it.

"I don't want to go to sleep," I replied sullenly. I wanted to be awake during the daylight like others. Like Sookie, or even the wolf. Now that I had seen it again, and knew what I was missing –

"You have to _rest,_" Sookie pointed out reasonably. "You got all burned up today." She pushed me carefully onto the end of my bed. "Let me check," she said, pulling the red quilt away from my shoulders again. As she leaned over and peered carefully down first at the back of my left shoulder and then my right, I inhaled, breathing in her scent. She seemed entirely unaware of how close I was to the bare skin of her neck and its delicious scent, so lost in her concern for me that she forgot to be frightened of my attraction to her. At least until she heard my in-taken breath. She paused for a second, as if I had reminded her of how intoxicating her scent was to vampires.

I didn't want to bite her. I wanted to kiss her.

"Everything healed," she said lightly, rearranging the blanket more comfortably on my shoulders. Even though she had paused, she had not resumed being afraid of me. "Now, lay down and close your eyes." She tried to push me gently back with the flats of her hands against my shoulders, but I resisted the pressure.

"No," I said quietly but firmly. "_No._" I couldn't meet her eyes. I knew she meant well, but it felt like giving in to a reality I wanted to deny if I were to do as she asked.

Sookie sighed in exasperation. "If you stay awake, you're going to start bleeding all over the place," she pointed out as if I must have forgotten the risk of resisting the pull of daytime sleep.

"I know what the bleeds are," I said sharply. And I didn't care; I did not want to _go to sleep_ in the day like a creature of the dark _should_.

"_Fine_, then you can clean it up," Sookie responded smartly. "I'm not a maid." She turned to head back towards the ladder. Up towards the sunlight.

"Stay with me."

I could hear the plea in my voice. Sookie paused, one hand on the ladder. "Please," I added softly, my eyes focused on her.

She felt badly for me; I could feel it. But still, she gave me an apologetic little smile and shook her head slightly, saying, "Can't." She added the explanation with a little shrug, "Human stuff to do."

"Oh."

Human stuff. In the sunlight. That vampires can't do. Which is why we could only stay in our holes underground while life went on during the day.

I felt so alone as Sookie climbed up to the world.

I heard her close the door to my cubby entrance, but that didn't make any difference to my ability to hear what happened next. The wolf was still in the house.

"This is nuts!" I heard him say in a deep voice.

Sookie shushed him and I heard them move outside to the front porch.

Where I could still hear them.

For all my current bitterness about the restrictions of being a vampire, I had to admit, my exquisite hearing ability was still useful.

"He can't stay here! What are you thinking," the wolf rumbled.

"You saw yourself, he's not the same," Sookie answered in my defense in a low but insistent voice. _Not the same? _Once again, I had a mental picture of myself as _rude, biting asshole._ Or _worse._ "It's not for long, anyway," Sookie added.

Well, except that I _lived_ here. Or hoped I would _continue_ to live here. I dropped the quilt from my body and moved to where I could hear them slightly better. They were, after all, talking about _me._ And I wanted to know what Sookie thought of me. I knew her feelings, but I still felt there were facts that I didn't know about that shaped those feelings.

"He's still a killer," the wolf pointed out. "Eric Northman at your house? It's like a death wish!"

Well, fuck. I looked up at the ceiling, listening carefully. Apparently, Sookie wasn't the only one convinced I was going to hurt her. No, not hurt her. _Kill her._

Sookie mentioned some woman whose name was unfamiliar to me, pointing out that the "addict and attempted murderer" lived with the wolf but that Sookie was not judging _him_.

I was relieved to learn the wolf already had a woman, although she didn't sound like anyone worth having, especially not in comparison to Sookie.

Sookie and the wolf's voices rose as they argued about their relative living partners.

"I don't want you to get hurt again. _Or _me," Sookie said.

I didn't really care if the wolf's woman had hurt him, but had she had hurt Sookie? I frowned.

"That's what I'm saying about Eric!" the wolf countered.

_I _had _hurt Sookie? _

"All right! We're even," Sookie replied, ending the argument.

She didn't deny it.

She didn't deny I had hurt her.

I felt sick.

I couldn't listen any more. I heard some vague murmuring about the wolf and Sookie reaffirming their friendship and then heard him make his departure.

I did finally lay down, but I did not go to sleep for a long, long time. And just as Sookie predicted, I bled.


	5. Bad Dreams

**Chapter 5: Bad Dreams**

I was dreaming of the sun. It was high above me, not sunrise nor sunset, but the full light of day. As I stood on a sandy shoreline, my bare feet being caressed by the waves of a broad, blue ocean, I could feel the iciness of the water in contrast to the heat of the sun on my shoulders. Suddenly I remembered that I would burn in the sun, and alarmed, I looked for somewhere to hide, but there was nowhere to go but beneath the beach sand. Maybe if I dug very quickly – I began to dig as fast as I could with my hands, but no matter how fast my hands moved at vamp speed, the hole I was trying to dig did not grow any larger. The sandy walls kept collapsing, filling the space back in. I was going to die here in the sun because I couldn't make a hole large enough to hide in.

"Are you building a sand castle?"

Sookie was strolling towards me unhurriedly along the sand, dressed in a sundress, her feet as bare as my own.

"Sookie, please help me! I will burn if I can't hide from the sun but I can't get the hole big enough –" I said desperately.

Sookie laughed at me. "Of course not, you silly Viking! You need more water to hold the sand together. Come on!" She held out a hand to me.

I took the proffered hand and running and laughing, she led me into the waves. Ankle-deep in the water, she splashed playfully at me. I started to laugh with her, only then remembering again that I was under threat from the deadly rays above. "Sookie –" I began anxiously.

"Eric, you're _safe._" Sookie waded towards me in the water and pressed her sea-dampened hands to my face. "See? You're not burning. Not a bit!"

She was right. Nothing was happening to my exposed skin, except that I could still feel the gentle heat from above.

"Come on," she said eagerly, tugging at my hands again. "I want you to fly with me!" And then Sookie threw her arms around my neck and clung to me, beaming up at me expectantly.

I grinned shyly down at her and then scooped her petite body up closer to mine, holding her securely as I rose carefully with her into the sunlight.

"Isn't it _beautiful_?" Sookie breathed in my ear as we sailed over the sparkling water and the endless stretches of sand.

I looked at her, her blonde tresses twisting in the air currents, her hazel eyes shining at me with pleasure. "_You're _beautiful," I murmured in response.

She smiled at me bashfully and then pressed her cheek against mine as we looped lazily in the sun.

"What's that?" Sookie said with sudden tension as we were gliding over the water a few moments later.

I turned to see what she was looking at. A thick bank of dark clouds, bolts of lightning flickering in their depths, were roiling up on the horizon of the ocean and rapidly moving towards us. It didn't seem like a natural storm, but something eerie and strange, born of dark magic. The wind that had been supporting us helpfully began to buffet us more roughly, and I felt the air grow rapidly colder. Sookie shivered in my arms, pressing her face into my chest against the growing volatility of the atmosphere.

I anxiously began to look for somewhere safe for us to shelter, but everywhere I looked was open to the tempest headed our way. As the blackening clouds began to flicker with disturbing multi-colored lights, I finally touched us down on the sand. The wind was rapidly growing louder and harsher and I had to shout to Sookie to be heard: "Down in the sand, Sookie! I'll protect you with my body." This time, working together, Sookie and I were able to clear at least enough space in the beach soil to put Sookie safely beneath me between two berms of sand. I sheltered her small body beneath mine, my large hands protecting her head as she lay beneath me, trembling. I ducked my own head as low as I could as the sand began to swirl around us in a gritty vortex.

I could feel the sand scouring my skin, and it stung, but I thought of nothing but keeping it from harming Sookie's more easily injured flesh. The roar of the debris-laden wind and the booming cracks of lightning rolled over us where we huddled, then gradually began to fade into the distance. When I finally dared to raise my head, the sand and the water had been tossed and shifted, but remained essentially the same.

The sun, however, was gone.

There weren't even stars or the moon to give us light; instead, we were surrounded by a foreboding sea of darkness. Even my vampire eyesight couldn't distinguish the sand from the water from the sky in the inky blackness.

"Eric."

Sookie's voice sounded strange, choked.

I looked down at her, still wedged beneath me and I could smell the salt water of tears. "Sookie? Are you all right?"

Sookie began to sob deeply, pushing her hands against my chest.

"Sookie, what's wrong?" I begged anxiously.

"You – you stole my l-light –" Sookie wept. "_You stole my light!_" She began to strike me with her fists, screaming.

As I looked at her in horror, I startled awake.

It felt as if it was still daylight, but because the dream had been so vivid, I was momentarily tempted to see with my own eyes if the sun was still there. Fortunately, my head cleared before I could act on my paranoia and I didn't leave my bed. But it took me a long while to go back to sleep again.

When I finally woke up with the sunset, I just lay there for a while. Unlike humans and their euphemistically phrased "human needs" that usually needed to be addressed on waking, I had no compelling reason to get up unless I wanted to. And I didn't want to.

I lay there in the dimness of my room, unmoving, feeling the darkness almost like a weight that pinned me down. Vampires— being dead— can be exquisitely still, and I remained completely unmoving, just staring into the blackness.

I was a creature of the dark.It was all I would ever know again. I don't know how long I had been undead or if I had ever adjusted to the darkness before I lost my memories, but after the wonders of the morning, I knew _exactly what I was missing._

And that knowledge fucking hurt.

Eventually, I rolled over, setting off the motion-sensitive lights, and I was surprised to see that Sookie had left a damp washcloth and towel draped over a rung of the ladder while I was asleep. I silently got up and cleaned myself of the blood that had pooled in my ears and beneath my nose from having the bleeds earlier in the day.

I heard Sookie moving around upstairs (_human stuff to do_), and I stood there for a moment, bath linens in my hands, looking up the ladder that led to the human world above me. The world full of sunshine and sparkling water and heat – a world full of _life_ – that I could never again enjoy fully as I had that morning.

I went back to bed and curled myself into the dark again. Somehow, my bleakness felt familiar, as if I had mourned and missed something or someone like this before.

**~*E&S*~**

It was about an hour after sunset when I heard the cabinet doors that hid the entrance to my room open from above. I was faced away from the ladder that led down to my room and I didn't turn as the motion lights tripped again, this time set off by Sookie's tanned legs coming down the chute.

She had showered and changed since I had last seen her that morning; she was still in dark shorts, but now she wore a white t-shirt with a bright green hoodie over the top.

"You've been too quiet," she said, coming to stand near my bed. I could feel her concern for me. "This isn't like you."

"Yes, it is," I responded flatly. I don't know how I knew it, but I knew this was not the first time I had felt like this.

"No, it's not," Sookie began with a disbelieving laugh. "The _real _Eric –"

I cut her off sharply, stung at her implication. "I _am_ real!" It hurt that she would dismiss my feelings so lightly. Especially because I didn't like the idea that she considered _biting asshole me _to be _more real_.

She must have felt my frisson of anger. "Yes. You are," she conceded tightly. She knelt down beside my bed and tried to soften what she had said. (But _meant._ I could feel that. She really didn't see _me_ as _real, _I thought numbly.) "I meant the Eric with his memories. Not much gets him down. Sure, he's a –" I could see her choosing her words carefully. "—a _rascal_ and a _troublemaker_." I listened carefully, trying to make sense of how _rascal _and _troublemaker _equated with the feelings of intense fear and anger she had harbored towards me when we first met what now seemed a lifetime ago. "And most of the time, I'd like to slap the smile off his face," she said lightly, "but he's a _happy _vampire."

I flinched. Because I knew she was wrong. Or maybe _biting asshole me_ was usually happy, but I was not, at least not tonight.

"I'll never swim in the sun again," I finally said sadly. "Never feel the heat on my skin." I looked at her golden locks framing her face and remembered how they had resembled a halo in the sunlight as she had come to me in the water that morning, as well as how they had glowed in my dream. "Never see the daylight in your hair," I added with a slight smile at the memory. At least I had seen it once. I hoped if I ever regained my memories, I would not lose those I was making with Sookie.

"Well, the night time's not so bad. You've still got the stars in the sky," Sookie said, consolingly. I could feel that she didn't really believe it herself. _She _would never be satisfied not having the sun again. I could feel her attempting to protect me from the truth as if I were not capable of bearing it. Did she think I was too weak to accept reality?

"Don't," I said sharply, sitting up. "I'm not a child."

"I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better," Sookie said genuinely. She meant what she said, but I could feel that part of her desire was driven by her discomfort with what I was feeling; no, _who I was_. For some reason, she was disconcerted that the _biting asshole_ she had described to me was not here and I felt her pity for me.

"You think I'm weak," I stated bleakly, unable to look at her face, fearful of what I would see. He must be able to protect her better with his ruthlessness and apparent lack of sentiment.

"No!" Sookie said emphatically. I could feel surprise from her that I had interpreting her feelings that way, but I still could not meet her eyes.

"You want the Eric who doesn't feel." I continued grimly. For a moment, I was strangely jealous of this stranger whom she appeared to miss even if he frightened her.

"It's not that," she answered, and in turn I was surprised to feel that she meant it. And then I felt a tiny little pulse of attraction for me from her; for _me_, the me who was here with her, not the intimidating monster who lurked in my past.

"If you kiss me, I promise to be happy," I said softly. I heard her heart leap in her chest and I raised my eyes to her at last, giving her a teasing half-smile. At the moment, I didn't care which of us she was truly attracted to, so long as I was the one who was here with her making her blush. Maybe I was as big an opportunist as my biting asshole self after all.

She was staring at me, her mouth opened in astonishment as if my request had caught her off guard. But she was not frightened or disgusted; instead, I could feel she was _tempted._

"No," she finally drawled, but with a smile as if she suspected me of teasing her.

She had a beautiful smile, made more so by the fact that I saw that it actually reached her eyes.

"Why?" I asked lightly. I shifted to face her more directly and was happy when she did not back away from me. "It's only a kiss," I said playfully. Even if it would mean more than that to me.

Her eyes had fixated on my mouth just as mine was focused on the lush pinkness of hers. I leaned in slowly and was about to press my lips to hers when I heard a noise at the door upstairs.

I straightened abruptly. "Someone's at your door." I looked at her, startled, and then up at the ceiling as if I could tell who it was from here.

"Don't come up," Sookie instructed me firmly, leaping to her feet and hurrying to the ladder.

Just as I was able to hear her conversation with the wolf earlier that morning, I could hear Sookie and her visitor at the door.

"Sookie." A male voice, with a Southern accent. Not the wolf.

"Bill," Sookie replied in greeting.

Bill, the ex-lover vampire who wanted to kill me. I hadn't forgotten the name or the threat.

I could feel Sookie's surprise and her worry for _me._ I heard her close the door to the house as she stepped outside with the vampire and they exchanged polite civilities.

"What do you want?" Sookie asked her visitor lightly.

There was a long, awkward pause before the vampire replied. "Eric."

I tensed. Did he know I was here? Had Pam or the wolf revealed my whereabouts?

"Oh, he's gone," Sookie replied, just a shade too quickly.

"Wasn't it just the night before last that you were begging me to get him out of here?" The vampire sounded skeptical. I couldn't overlook the reminder that Sookie had viewed me as an unwelcome housemate and had apparently been seeking help in evicting me.

"But then he told me he was leaving and I could stay," Sookie said blithely. "I thought you'd come through for me," she had added as if grateful for the favor.

There was another long pause as the unseen vamp digested the information. "Did he say where he was going?"

"Nope," Sookie answered casually. I could feel her tension releasing; she felt the vampire had believed her lie.

"You see…" the male voice continued almost apologetically, "We've searched his farm on Öland and his apartment in Paris and his plantation in Barbados…" Öland? Paris? Barbados? I frowned at the list of properties the vampire listed as belonging to me and wondered what they told me about my past. "I mean, we looked everywhere," the voice continued. "This is the one place that he owns that my guards haven't searched."

_Guards?_ I thought back to the mansion I had seen in my first night of exploration and wondered if this was the vampire that lived there.

"So with your permission…" the male voice trailed leadingly.

"Or without it?" I felt Sookie's anger flare, along with a moment of fear for me.

"I'd rather you agreed." The voice was smooth and polite, but firm.

I felt Sookie's steely resolve. "I'm not going to let big goons with guns stomp around my clean house," she answered as the stakes were nothing more than mud on her immaculate floors rather than my exposure.

"It will only be me." The response was light, but I heard the determination.

"I don't care who owns it on paper. This is still my home. There's _not_ going to be any search," Sookie said insistently.

There was another pause before the vampire moved towards the door, muttering, "I'm sorry."

"_No!"_ I felt Sookie's anxiety spike as I heard her move to block his entry. A silent standoff ensued before I heard him roughly move her out of the way, which made my fangs pop out. _How dared he fucking touch her? _My hands were on the rungs of the ladder as I heard her hiss, "How can you?" I hesitated, listening.

"I have to! It's my responsibility," the voice growled back.

Sookie's voice dropped too low for me to hear the next part, but then I heard her say forcefully, "When have I ever lied to you? _Ever_?"

Another long moment and then I heard the door open and footsteps on the threshold. My bond with Sookie swelled with _anger_ and _disappointment_ and _worry for me._

I braced for the sounds of the search and pondered what I would do when I was found. Should I fight? Should I let myself be taken peacefully? I tried to think through my choices, but without knowing what kind of threat this Bill posed, it was hard to choose the best option.

Strangely, it had fallen silent and still upstairs and then I heard the vampire say quietly, "You're right." My bond with Sookie rushed with relief and I relaxed my own muscles warily. "Goodnight." Footsteps led across the porch and vanished and after a moment, I heard Sookie come back into the house and quietly shut the door.

A moment later, she was coming back down the ladder to my room.

"That was Bill?" I asked and she looked surprised. I gestured up at the ceiling and then at my ears. "Vampire hearing," I reminded her.

She looked embarrassed, as if she was going back over her conversation with Bill (_and Alcide?_) to be sure she hadn't said anything awkward. "Yes," she finally answered shortly.

I looked at her solemnly. "Thank you for not revealing my presence."

She shrugged. "Until we know Bill didn't have anything to do with what happened to you, it's just as well." I felt a pang from her. She didn't want to believe Bill was involved, but she wasn't _sure._

"Why does this Bill have guards?"

She sat on my bed with a sigh. "He's a vampire authority," she answered vaguely.

"A Sheriff?" I raised my eyebrows at her inquisitively.

Sookie snorted. "No. Normally that would be _you._"

Fuck. "I'm a _Sheriff_?" I hadn't been expecting that. "I thought you said I owned a bar," I said perplexedly.

"You _do_ own a bar," Sookie said defensively. "In fact, I guess you got your vampire dungeon or whatever in the basement of that bar. Kind of like vampire jail." Sookie's feelings for me noticeably cooled when she mentioned the basement. I wondered with dismay how much acquaintance Sookie had with my _vampire jail._ Jesus, would the negative shocks about the "other" me ever stop coming?

Sookie stood up briskly. "Listen, we can talk more after you have a shower. You still smell like lake water from this morning, you know. Come on. And I have some TruBlood in the fridge now, too."

**~*E&S*~**

After a quick shower, I sat on Sookie's couch drinking a TruBlood.

It. Was. _Vile._ But I swallowed it without commenting. It was sustenance and Sookie had gone out of her way to get it for me. She sat at the other end of the couch, her arms crossed in front of her, watching me thoughtfully as I sipped at it.

I wanted to ask Sookie about myself, but I was finding I was afraid of the answers.

_I'm not a child. _

She had protected me enough, I thought. I had to face the truth about myself, however hard it was. Maybe start with the easy things there were to know.

"Sookie." I rolled the TruBlood bottle between my hands. "This morning at the lake, you called me a 'Viking.'" I glanced up at her face. "Is that what I am – what I _was_?"

"So they say," Sookie said, sipping at her own glass of sweet tea.

_Jag är en__viking._ It did feel right.

"And that makes me how old?"

Sookie was quiet for a moment before replying. "More than 1,000 years old."

I had lost _1,000 years_ of memories? Even if I wasn't sure there were things I wanted to remember, I was suddenly aware of how much had been taken from me at the hands of the witches.

"And I'm Sheriff of – where?"

"Area 5 in Louisiana. Basically all of the north around Shreveport. I guess." Sookie frowned. "Honestly, you vampires aren't exactly all that forthcoming about how it all works. So I can't tell you much about it."

"Why Louisiana?" I was puzzled.

"Why not?" Sookie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"The properties your Bill mentioned… Öland. Barbados. Paris?" I shook my head. "No offense, Sookie, but why would I leave Paris for Shreveport?"

Sookie apparently hadn't considered that before. She wrinkled her brow thoughtfully. "I don't know. Maybe something to do with your Maker? He lived in Dallas until –" She stopped and I felt sadness and regret seeping through the bond towards me.

"Until what?" I asked. "You know my Maker?" If I was 1,000 years old, how old must my Maker be? My mind reeled.

"I met him," Sookie answered softly. "Before he met the sun."

I felt a rush of horror. "My Maker met the sun?"

Sookie shook her head at me. "You don't want to hear that story tonight," she said gently. "Your Maker's name was Godric and you lost him only last year. It will only make you sad."

I had to ask, although I was afraid of Sookie's answer. "Was it my fault he met the sun?"

Sookie was shocked at my question. "No, Eric, of course not. Why would you think something like that?"

"I don't know." Maybe it was because I was constantly hearing bad news about myself. Why _couldn't _I have driven my Maker to leave the world?

Speaking of Makers…

I had been immersed in my own feelings since this morning, so I hadn't paid much attention to the other bonds twisting through my emotions, but suddenly I felt a powerful rush of sensations from Pam: Anger. Fear. _Horror._

I dropped the TruBlood bottle. Fortunately, I had drunk most of the unpalatable liquid inside and it didn't spatter more than a drop or two on Sookie's living room rug.

"Eric! What's wrong?" Sookie sat up on her end of the couch, her hand reaching out to touch my arm in concern.

"P-Pam –" I stuttered. "Something's wrong." I looked at Sookie, uncertain of what to do. "I should go to her—" It was what a good Maker would do.

"What is she feeling?" Sookie asked.

"Anger. Horror." I paused. "Pam seems to feel _anger_ a _lot_, but the horror is new."

Sookie rolled her eyes at my observation of Pam's anger management issues, but she rose from the couch. "Eric, unless we know who or what happened to Pam, you shouldn't go. What if it's those witches again?" She picked up her cell phone from the table in the center of the room. "Listen, I'll call her and check on her, okay?"

I paced as she dialed. Pam's feelings now had _sorrow_, _embarrassment_ and _frustration_ added to the earlier mix.

"Pam? Eric felt something. Are you okay?"

I felt a pang of regret from Pam and I could hear her voice through the speaker of Sookie's phone. "Sookie, tell Eric I'm fine. It's ...nothing he needs to worry about. Seems like he has had a hard enough time already today without fretting about my problems. What the hell have you been doing to him? Is _he_ okay?" Pam's voice was sharp with worry.

"He's fine, Pam," Sookie said firmly. "A little _bothered_ at being stuck in the house for so long, but he's _fine._"

"He better be," Pam snarled. She must have heard me growl in the background because she added contritely, "Sorry, Sookie. Just take good care of him. _Please_." There was a pause before Pam added, "Tell him I'm trying to fix things." She sounded and felt desperate.

After Sookie had hung up the phone, she sat back down on the end of the couch. "Well, she _says_ she's okay…"

"She's not being entirely truthful," I said simply. "But she does not seem to want me there, so I will not go." I sat back down on the couch heavily.

Sookie reached out and stroked my arm comfortingly. "If Pam wanted you there, believe me, you'd know. She's not one for holding in her thoughts," she said reassuringly.

Sookie must have realized her fingers were brushing up and down on my arm because I felt a little trickle of embarrassment and then she pulled her hand back into her lap as if ignoring what she had just been doing.

"Can I get you another TruBlood before I go to bed?" Sookie asked. "I didn't get _any_ sleep last night and haven't caught up enough today, either, so I think I'll go to bed early." Sookie tried to hide a yawn behind her hand.

"No, thank you."

"What about you? Did you get any sleep today?" Sookie said considerately. "I saw you used the washcloth and towel I left for you. Judging from the blood on them, it didn't look like you got much rest."

"Not as much as I should have," I admitted. "I should probably go back to bed, too."

"Well, then, come on." Sookie stood up and walked me to the door that hid the entrance to my room. "Maybe we'll _all _feel better after we're rested up. Even Pam."

"Sookie –" I said, pausing outside the open doors. "Goodnight." I looked at her and added teasingly, "I don't suppose I could have a goodnight kiss?"

She swatted at my arm playfully. "No! You crazy Viking – you just go right on to bed." But I saw her smile.

I may have lost the sun, but if I could look forward to enough of Sookie's smiles, maybe I wouldn't mind so much.

**~*E&S*~**

I opened the door to Sookie's room slowly. She was sprawled among a tangle of sheets, one leg exposed, sleeping soundly.

Suddenly a hand fell on my shoulder and I whirled.

It was a young man – no, a boy; small, with dark hair and dark eyes, dressed in loose white clothes. "Hello, Eric." He smiled at me and caressed my cheek with the edge of a finger.

The boy moved around me and approached Sookie's bed. I tensed as he trailed one hand up her bare leg lightly, but what finally drove me to action was when he leaned in close to _smell her._ Suddenly I _knew _he was a threat to her, no matter how young he seemed.

I zipped over to the bed at vamp speed and pushed him away from her with one hand, so hard that the mattress beneath Sookie bounced slightly. "_Don't. Touch her_," I warned the boy, taking an aggressive stance.

He stood on other side of the bed, looking down at her. "She's beautiful," he observed softly.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

In answer, the boy's fangs descended with a pop. "Dricker med mig." _Drink with me._ "Vi kommer att rinna henne och gå i solen tillsammans." _We will drain her and walk in the sun together._

"No," I bit out. I would _never_ harm her. I was beginning to _love her_, I realized.

In a flash, the boy was on my side of Sookie's bed, his hand clutching my throat in a crushing grip. Although he was much smaller than me in size, it seemed effortless for him to use that one hand to force me to my knees in front of him.

"You are _incapable_ of love," the boy pronounced. "You are _damned._"

_No! _"She can redeem me," I insisted. I could be a better person – even as a vampire – if I had her love to guide me.

The boy laughed in my face and shook his head as he replied. "You cannot be saved. _You_ are a creature of death and the living are good for only one thing. And _it is not love_." He smiled at me kindly as if instructing me in an essential truth. "Drick nu." _Drink now._ His other hand grabbed the back of my head and inexorably forced it down towards Sookie's throat. "Sluta kämpa din natur." _Stop fighting your nature._ He leaned in to whisper in my ear. "_Drink._"

Unable to escape his physical control, I stared down at Sookie's pale throat, where I could see her pulse beat. The intoxicating scent of her blood was rising up on the breeze blowing in at Sookie's window, drawing me in. I tried to resist, but I felt my fangs spring out involuntarily. Sookie stirred in her sleep, arching her neck slightly, inadvertently enticing.

And then he did not need to force me any longer; I sprang forward and sank my fangs into the front of Sookie's throat, drinking her thirstily as the boy latched onto her wrist with his own fangs behind me. Sookie awoke with terrified screams as I savaged her with my teeth.

I jolted awake, my fangs erect. I sat up, flooding my room with light at my motion.

_I had to be sure she was okay._ The dream had been _so real. _

I slipped through the darkened house until I came to Sookie's bedroom door. Just as in my dream, I opened it slowly and stepped in, approaching her bed, peering anxiously into the dark.

She was lying, very still, in her bed. She was covered up, unlike my dream, but she was not moving.

I moved in closer, leaning over her bed, trying to verify that she was alright, looking for any sign that she had been hurt, whether by myself or anyone else.

Suddenly Sookie awakened, and startled by my unexpected closeness, scrambled to sit up at the head of her bed. "Eric! What the _hell_!" I felt her fright and realized with embarrassment that my fangs were still out aggressively. I straightened awkwardly and quickly withdrew them.

"Uh –" I swallowed. "I had a bad dream," I explained.

Sookie's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Okaaaay," she said, drawing the word out. She reached over and turned on the light beside her bed.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" She patted the mattress beside her, inviting me to join her on the bed. I carefully lowered myself down, vigilant to keep distance between us as I lay down, although what I wanted to do was bury myself in her lap and beg her to hold me.

"There was a boy – a vampire. Dark hair, dark eyes, small, but very powerful." I licked my lips, reluctant to tell her the rest. "He threatened you and he forced me to –" I stopped as she waited. "He made me drink from you, telling me it was my nature. Even though I _didn't want to,_" I ended adamantly.

Sookie was silent for a moment. "It sounds like you are describing Godric," she finally said. "At least physically. The actions you describe – that is not the Godric I met." She shook her head at me. "What else?"

_He told me I was damned. That I couldn't love. And then he made me kill you. _

And yet, I had felt something for the boy in the dream, some deep connection with him that made his words, his perception of me _critical_, even as I wanted to reject them. I wanted his approval, even as I resisted his direction to harm Sookie.

I couldn't even begin to explain the conflict I felt; the emotions were too deep. I realized that tears were beginning to rise in my eyes and I rolled away from Sookie to hide them.

"Eric?" She asked from behind me.

"He said other things," I said hesitantly. I wiped at my eyes. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"Godric was your _Maker._ You _loved_ him," Sookie said.

_You are incapable of love. _Wouldn't a Maker know their child? I didn't want what the boy had said to be true.

"You miss him," Sookie added.

"He said I was _evil_," I finally confessed.

Sookie's hand stroked my hair comfortingly. "It was a _dream_," she said, as if that would make Godric's words to me less true.

I rolled towards her and looked up into her face as her hand remained tangled in my hair. "Am I evil?" I trusted her to tell me the truth.

"No," she answered after a moment's consideration. "You're not Gandhi, but – _no_. You're not evil." I felt that she believed what she was saying, and I rolled over further, placing my head on her lap as her fingers continued to stroke my hair. I wanted to believe her more than anything.

If only I could always feel the way I felt when I was with Sookie. "I like being next to you," I said quietly.

Sookie laughed to herself.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked, looking up towards her face.

"It's just that – if someone had told me a week ago I'd be curled up in bed with Eric Northman, stroking his hair, I would've –" She snorted as if the very idea was ridiculous.

I raised my head to see her eyes. "You would've what?"

"It's just – you weren't always like this," she finally answered.

"Like what?" I asked, puzzled and curious. My hand rested on her thigh, as I stared up at her, but she didn't move it.

"Gentle. Sweet." She smiled a little. "But it suits you." I studied her face, feeling her comfortableness with me at that moment. "It's what Godric would have wanted," she added, "To see you like this. He was the most – _human_ of all the vampires I've ever met."

I lowered my head to her lap again, wanting to believe Sookie's view of me and of Godric rather than the nightmare my subconscious had shown me

"It's strange to miss someone you don't remember," I whispered. Sookie's fingers continued to run through softly through my hair. I nuzzled against her lap, closing my eyes. "Would it be alright if I stayed here 'til sunrise?"

"As long as you promise to keep your hands and your fangs to yourself," Sookie answered firmly.

I opened my eyes. "I promise," I vowed, grateful that she was willing to let me take comfort in her presence rather than force me back down into the dark where I might dream bad things again.

I turned in the bed, facing away from Sookie, settling my head against the other pillow. Behind me, I felt her turn to spoon behind me, although not so close as to press up against me. Feeling her willingness to console me through our one-way bond, I reached behind me to take her hand and pulled her right arm around me with a contented sigh. As I settled in to sleep, I tucked her tiny hand, cradled in both of my large ones, into the space between my chest and my chin. "I would never hurt anyone as beautiful as you," I whispered, reminding myself as much as I was reminding her, and perhaps reminding my memory of Godric as well.

I felt Sookie's astonishment, although whether it was at my promise never to hurt her or at calling her beautiful, I didn't know.

And for the rest of the night, I slept soundly, at peace in Sookie's arms. And I did not dream.

**A/N: I'm sure that Godric's longer encouragements to Eric to drink Sookie are not exactly how they were said on the show (they sound similar, but not the same) but you can blame my reliance on Google translate. If someone has more accurate translations, I will be happy to correct it. **


	6. Confrontations

**Chapter 6: Confrontations**

When I woke up that evening, the first thing I noticed was that Sookie was nervous. I could feel her anxiety percolating through the bond of my blood. Whatever caused it didn't seem to be a serious threat, but I was curious. I got up, still not entirely awake, and began climbing the ladder to the main level, listening carefully as I moved. I could hear Sookie and another woman speaking from the area of the living room.

"I told her I had a brother named Jason. Lied my ass off," said the unknown woman, emotion choking her voice.

"You know what you should do? You should go tell her. _Right now_," Sookie said, insistently. I could feel and hear the strain in her voice. I felt no fear from Sookie, but she was clearly eager to get the woman on her way.

"Well, I _will!_" the female voice answered, as if confused by Sookie's verbal push. "Crap— can I stay here tonight? I don't feel safe at Lafayette's," the stranger explained, a tone of pleading in her voice. I wondered if Lafayette was a boyfriend. Maybe the woman was being beaten by a lover?

"Actually – it's not a good night," Sookie said firmly. Sookie didn't seem the type to turn away a woman in genuine danger, and I could sense through our bond that whatever the perceived threat "at Lafayette's" was, Sookie did not feel it was serious.

"What is _up_ wit' you," the other voice said, confounded. "You're acting _really weird_."

I quietly opened the doors to my hidden space and padded towards the living rom. Sookie was still trying to encourage her guest to leave, speaking in a rushed tone. "I'm sorry, you know you're always welcome here, I just don't think _tonight's_ the best night." The woman must be a friend of Sookie's; apparently a friend in some kind of trouble

"Hey?" the visitor responded, baffled by Sookie's demeanor. Sookie was seated on the left side of the couch, with a dark-haired, dark-skinned woman beside her. I could smell the sour, yeasty smell of beer as the woman took another swallow from a brown bottle.

"It's nothing personal, I just—" Sookie glanced over her shoulder and saw me standing behind the couch and stopped speaking.

The dark woman, alerted by Sookie's silence and the direction of her gaze, turned towards me. The instant Sookie's friend saw me, she let out a terrified scream, jumped from the couch, sprang towards the fireplace nearby, and snatched up a fireplace poker, which she began to wave threateningly in my direction. I promptly lowered my fangs, prepared to defend Sookie, and continued to advance, growling ominously.

Sookie had sprung up when her guest did and stood between me and the armed woman, who had backed herself into a corner of the room.

"_Tara!_ Calm down!" Sookie commanded. Apparently fearful the situation could escalate quickly since weapons (both human and vampire ones) were now involved, Sookie also threw up a hand as if to stop my motion. "Eric, stop it!"

"Keep the fuck away!" the woman (_Tara_) hissed at me, pointing the metal implement at me. Since it wasn't silver, I wasn't too concerned she could do me serious damage, but I would not have _anyone_ act in a threatening manner in Sookie's and my home. I paced forward, intent on disarming her.

"Eric! Wait!" exclaimed Sookie, and through our bond I felt a sharp little ping of fear for Tara. Did she expect me to hurt this person? If I had _wanted_ to hurt this Tara, she would _already be dead_.

As I drew closer to her, Tara began to wave the poker towards me more aggressively, shouting again, "Get the fuck away!"

"Both of you, you _stop it_!" Sookie shouted just before I snatched the poker out of Tara's hand and threw it aside. It clattered as it landed.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Tara demanded of Sookie in fright.

"_I live here_," I said coolly.

"_What_?" Tara was obviously shocked. "You told me he was missing," she hissed accusingly at Sookie.

"It's not what you think—" Sookie began but Tara cut her off.

"I just poured out my heart to you and you talked about telling the truth and being honest," Tara gritted out as Sookie as she began edging towards the door. "And meanwhile, you've got somebody who wants to _kill me_ in your _basement_?"

Wary of what she might to do Sookie in her anger, I threw my arms out to guard Sookie in case Tara might make any sudden moves towards her.

"You're a fucking hypocrite!" Tara finally spat furiously at Sookie before she turned to run.

"Tara, _wait_!" Sookie exclaimed. "Something happened! He's different. He's not going to hurt you!" I could feel she really believed what she was saying about me and some of the tightness I'd been carrying in my chest since the bad dreams the night before loosened a little more. _She believed in me. _

"He's a psycho, murdering asshole!" Tara snarled. And just like that, the tightness was back.

"No! He's not!" Sookie countered fiercely.

"You've got a short goddamn memory," Tara snapped. "This is the fucker that sold you out to Russell Edgington!" I glanced towards Sookie questioningly, but her eyes were focused only on Tara. Suddenly I knew: Sookie didn't _want_ to meet my eyes.

Tara continued to reel off my sins. "—He _tricked you_ into drinking his blood—"

So the one-way blood bond I had with Sookie was formed _against her will_? I felt sick.

"—He locked Lafayette in a dungeon and _tortured_ him." I felt an internal flinch from Sookie. Whoever Lafayette was, she cared about him. I had _tortured someone she cared about._

Tara reached the crescendo of her rant. "You _hate _Eric Northman!" she concluded furiously.

_Sookie hated me. _

I wasn't feeling hatred from Sookie at the moment. What I felt was _pity_ for me and _embarrassment._

Which meant that what Tara was saying was probably _true._ Sookie felt bad to have me hear _the truth_.

"Tara, listen –" Sookie began in a low voice.

"_Fuck the both of you_!" Tara shouted and ran out Sookie's front door.

Stunned and upset, I numbly retracted my fangs.

"Eric?" Sookie said quietly, when I hadn't moved.

"Who was that?" I finally asked.

Sookie was silent for a moment, preparing her answer. "Tara is my best friend from childhood," she replied cautiously. "She had a…bad experience with a vampire last year. _A very bad experience._"

I could feel how _bad_ it must have been from Sookie's emotional reaction to it.

It was harder to ask the next question. "Who is Russell Edgington?" And why had I "_sold Sookie out to him"_?

Apparently, it was just as painful for Sookie to answer as it was for me to ask. Whoever Russell Edgington was, Sookie _hated_ him. "He was the king of Mississippi," she finally said bitterly.

"Was?"

"You and Bill ended him. After you and Russell drank from me."

_The "fang-rape"?_

At least my fellow perpetrator was dead already.

I was very reluctant to ask the next question. "Why didn't we –" I loathed the words even as I dragged them out, but I was desperate to understand. "But we didn't drain you?"

"Oh, you nearly did," Sookie said shortly. "But Bill reminded you both that if you drained me dry, that would be the last –" She stopped.

"The last what?" I frowned at her.

She was debating whether to finish the sentence. I could feel her struggling with whether or not she trusted me. _Me_, not the biting asshole who had fed from her with Russell Edgington.

"It would be the last fairy blood you would ever drink," she finally said.

Apparently, her struggle had come down on the side of _trusting me._ I didn't take it for granted.

_Fairy? _I knew that fairies were supposed to be delicious and I inadvertently took a deep sniff of Sookie's now familiar scent.

"You're a _fairy_?" I stared at Sookie, astonished. Part of my "general knowledge" seemed to be that fairies were extinct.

She sank onto the couch and patted the seat beside her in invitation. I guess this was going to be a long conversation.

"I'm only part-fairy," she explained. "That's why I –"

"—why you _smell so good_," I finished for her. At least that finally made sense.

"Claudine – my fairy godmother – was a full fairy," Sookie said, watching for my reaction.

I gulped. "Uh, the one I, uh—"

"The one you killed, yes." Sookie did not seem especially upset at that pronouncement. "She was trying to take me into the fairy realm with her. I didn't want to go." Sookie was quiet for a moment. "So, while I'm not usually big on the whole killing thing, I think what you did actually protected me." It was a begrudging admission, but I could feel her relief.

"Tara said I tricked you into drinking my blood. Was that when I bit you with Edgington?"

Sookie bit her lip. "No…that was in Dallas. Godric was missing, taken by a church group called The Fellowship of the Sun, a bunch of vampire haters. You asked me and Bill to go down and look for him. After we found him, a guy from the Fellowship blew up Godric's nest with body explosives." I felt her horror over the moment through our bond. "You were hit by shrapnel and told me that I needed to suck it out of you before it sealed into your body."

Even in my current state, I knew that metal would work itself out of my body, so I wasn't even able to consider the possibility that perhaps she had misunderstood my intentions. Obviously I had lied to her and taken advantage of her innocence. My opinion of myself took another dip.

I could feel her revulsion over the incident even now and I felt ashamed. "So you have never willingly taken my blood?" I asked.

"No."

I was silent for a while before finally saying roughly. "I'm sorry I forced you, Sookie."

I was surprised when she _didn't_ feel surprised.

While she may have accepted that I was (_now_) the kind of person to apologize for hurting her, I wasn't quite so forgiving of my "other" self.

"So I really did all those terrible things your friend said I did." I said it; I didn't ask it.

"Yes," she agreed in a small voice. I felt a rush of pain from her, I assume from her memories of all I must have done in the past.

"Then your pain is my fault," I stated. "Why are you letting me stay with you?" I asked in a business-like tone. It was _crazy_ for someone I had hurt so often and so much to trust me in her home.

Because there's more to you than your worst self," Sookie responded firmly. "I always knew there was –" She searched for the right word, "—_decency_ in you even when you were a smug, sarcastic ass. I still _knew_ it."

And I had apparently taken advantage of _her decency_ to manipulate and use her.

I snorted. "Whether _decency_ is in me is irrelevant," I said drily. I unhappily considered what I had learned about myself; it was painful to say it out loud, but it wasn't as if Sookie didn't already know these things about me. _I _was the only who had been ignorant of my true character. "I'm clearly capable of extreme cruelty," I said grimly.

"You were," Sookie agreed. "But I wouldn't be here with you now – _I swear it_ – if I didn't know in my heart you could change." Her eyes softened as she looked at me. "I've _seen _you change and I like it. I _like_ you." I could feel the waves of her _liking for me_ flowing through the bond, but I was painfully aware of how unworthy I felt of those feelings. Sookie was too generous to me.

I thought of the long list of things I knew I had done to hurt her and wondered what else I had done that I didn't even know about yet.

I also couldn't conceive of _how _I could have done these things to her. The "other me" felt like a stranger; a stranger I couldn't trust because I couldn't understand his thinking. How could he have _ever _hurt Sookie? And what if that part of me returned? What if I turned into _biting, cruel asshole_ when I was still alone in the house with Sookie?

I couldn't trust that he – that _I _– wouldn't hurt her, no matter what I felt at the moment. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened.

I looked earnestly at Sookie. "There's a light in you. It's beautiful." Not just the sunlight of her fairy blood; her generosity in taking me under her roof and taking care of me, despite what I had done to her in her past. "I couldn't bear it if I snuffed it out," I explained.

Through the bond, I felt Sookie absorbing my words, embracing what I was saying. I was glad she understood; but I knew that the only way I could be _certain_ she wouldn't hurt would be to _go_, and _go now_.

It was hard to tear my eyes away from her face, but if I kept looking at her affectionate expression, I would never do what I needed to do. I lowered my eyes before rising from the couch and striding out of the house. It was the hardest thing I had had to do since finding myself in the dark, crowded magic shop in Shreveport.

Behind me, I felt a confusing tumble of feelings from Sookie – surprise; dismay; respect; sorrow; longing; worry for me_; affection._ The last emotion was almost my undoing, but I kept moving forward, focused on doing what needed to be done for her sake.

I was well down the path towards the road when she flew through the door and out onto the porch. _"Eric!"_ What stopped me was not the way she said my name, although it was intense, frantic; it was the feelings I felt flowing towards me through our one-way bond. She _didn't want me to go_; she _trusted me_; _she cared for me. Deeply. _ I turned and looked at her with shock.

"Please don't go." She looked at me pleadingly, and I felt her fear that I would turn again and go. I couldn't believe what I was feeling. I had been certain she would be relieved to see the last of me. Instead what I felt was her intense wish for me to come to her side, to remain with her. _She wanted me with her. _I didn't interpret it as desire, but as the loving comfort of a friend.

I came back slowly. I knew I _should _go; I knew it was the smart thing to do. But she held her arms out to me. She was not afraid of me; she trusted me; she wanted to hold me and comfort me.

I was weak. I went back.

She never wavered as I moved towards her and I felt no fear from her as I finally stepped into her waiting arms. She stood on the front steps of the porch, which made up for the normally significant differences in our heights. As her arms folded tightly around my neck and shoulders, I closed my eyes and let myself feel her heat and breathe in the sweet scent of her skin. I had been longing for this moment for days and had been certain just moments earlier that such intimacy between us would _never_ be possible. Careful to be nothing but affectionate and gentle in the way I touched her – and still certain that she was being nothing but a friend to me – I buried the fingers of my left hand in the bundle of blond strands at the back of her head and then, lost in the feel of her, tenderly brushed the line of her back with just the fingertips of my other hand. I could feel her comfort flowing towards me through the bond and wished only that she could feel what I knew was _my love for her_ and know that _I _would never hurt her, no matter what "other me" had done.

I was genuinely shocked when I felt Sookie press her lips to my jawline very softly. I drew back, slightly confused about her intent, but as her eyes met mine, she placed her hands to either side of my face. I felt the rush of desire from her just as she leaned forward to gently press her lips against mine. I wish I could say I had been a stronger man who resisted the temptation of kissing her, but it was too miraculous to me to stop. The woman I feared hated me was _kissing me_ and I could feel her affection – and _her desire_ –for me.

Fearful of somehow pushing her in a direction she did not want to go, I let her control the actions of our mouths. Our first kisses were tentative and soft, but as I felt the rush of passion well up between us, they grew more heated. Suddenly her hands were buried in my hair, her arms more tightly entwined around my neck, and her tongue invading my mouth.

_She wanted me. As much as I wanted her. _

"Inside," she whispered against my lips, and loathe to break our kisses, I edged her back towards the door of the house. I pushed open the door behind her and as we slipped over the threshold, still entwined, Sookie kicked off her shoes. Unable to pull my hands away from her curves, I pushed the door closed behind me with our combined weights.

It was amazing to finally touch her, to feel the heat of her skin and the silk of her hair as it ran between my fingers. More than that, I could feel her emotions for me and they excited as much – maybe even more – than her physical caresses. My hands slid greedily over her hips and that beautiful behind, before tangling in the tie at the back of her dress, tugging it free.

Deep inside, I felt a sensation of fear and then sorrow from Pam, but I was too dizzy with what was happening with Sookie to pay it much attention.

Sookie's dress fell to the ground around her ankles and she stood before me in just her panties and bra, her breasts surprisingly full and her skin sun-kissed in places I hadn't expected. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I said thickly.

Sookie laughed. "Because you can't remember anything else," she responded saucily.

I pulled her hungrily into my arms again, anxious to plunder her with my lips, but she was as eager to divest me of my clothes as I had been with her, and I had to allow her to pull the sleeveless blue hoodie I wore over my head and throw it aside. We stumbled to the couch and Sookie positioned herself beneath me, our half-naked bodies entangled. I kissed and licked my way down her body, taking a savage pleasure in hearing her heart rate begin to trip faster and faster, and feeling with joy that she was aroused by what I was doing to her. I had just pressed my mouth against the lace of her panties, anxious to begin exploring her with my tongue, and with the intent of giving her as much pleasure as she would allow, when the front door flew open with a bang.

Beneath me, Sookie gasped and then sat up. "Bill!"

I whirled around, my fangs out in a flash.

It was a vampire. In a suit.

"What the hell!" Sookie stuttered behind me, trying to cover her body from the other vampire's view. I felt her embarrassment and that, along with the frustration of our moment being interrupted, made me growl at the intruder.

At vamp speed, he was on me, attempting to manhandle and punch me. He was much smaller than I was physically, however, and it took no great effort for me to grab him by the throat and casually toss him – _hard_ – against the fireplace as Sookie pleaded with both of us to stop fighting. Before he could get up again, I grabbed the fireplace poker that Tara had threatened me with earlier and held it menacingly over him as if to stake him, although metal wouldn't have done him any fatal damage.

"_Eric! Stop!_" Sookie cried out. I could feel her fear and worry _for the other vampire_.

"Who is this vampire to you?" I ground out, one hand remaining on the smaller vampire's throat and the other holding the weapon at the ready.

"He's – he's your _king_," Sookie replied hesitantly.

Well, _fuck_.

Attacking one's monarch was punishable by death. If the king wanted to execute me, he was within his rights, regardless of the circumstances.

Shocked, I dropped the fire iron to the ground and stood up, withdrawing my fangs awkwardly. "My liege," I acknowledged. "Forgive me." I dropped to my knees and bowed my head to demonstrate my submission.

"Sheriff Northman," my king (_Bill_? Sookie's _ex-boyfriend_ was my king?) said as he rose from the ground, dusting himself off. "You can rise, but don't move," he ordered me sharply before pulling out a phone and requesting two guards be sent to "Ms. Stackhouse's home" as soon as possible. I rose slowly and the king pursed his lips at me. "Do you have something more to wear?" he said with some disgust. I spotted my shirt on the other side of the room and pointed silently at it. "Don't move," he reiterated harshly before picking up my shirt himself and tossing it at me. I tugged it over my head.

Sookie was hurriedly pulling on her dress. "Bill, you can't arrest him!" she said anxiously.

"Sookie, I _must_. He's a threat to us all."

The guards were suddenly at the door, both humans dressed in dark clothing and I realized with only slight surprise that they were members of the guard squad I had discovered at the house beyond the cemetery previously.

"We'll be taking Sheriff Northman back to the compound," King Bill said. "Eric, I expect you to cooperate or I _will _ask the guards to respond to any resistance with fatal force."

One of the guards showed me that he was armed with a gun, and commented flatly. "Wooden bullets. Don't make me use them."

"Bill, this is ridiculous," Sookie spat out. "Eric is no threat to anyone in his current state."

"Sookie, he has been influenced by _necromancers_. At any moment, he could be used by the witches who did this to him to harm anyone around him. Including other vampires. Or _you._" King Bill looked pointedly at Sookie.

"He would _never hurt me_," Sookie said stoutly.

While part of my rejoiced that she believed that – I could feel the strength of her belief in me rushing at me through our link – another part of me took to heart what King Bill had said. If I was really controlled by the witches, couldn't I hurt Sookie no matter what my intent? Better to be taken from her house, to be locked up where I couldn't harm anyone, especially her.

The guards grabbed me by the upper arms and were about to haul me out the door when Sookie snapped, "Oh, for God's sake, can't he at least have _shoes_?" After a moment, my king nodded his permission and Sookie scrambled to the dining room, where my untouched box of clothes from Pam still sat on the table. Sookie pulled out the athletic shoes and hurriedly laced them for me.

The guards seemed reluctant to let me go to put them on, so Sookie gently guided the shoes onto to my bare feet and tied them.

"Thank you," I said softly, grateful for her concern. For a moment, our eyes met and I wished again she could feel my feelings as I felt hers.

"Enough," said the king, gesturing impatiently towards the door.

**~*E&S*~**

"You have no right to do this," Sookie snapped at the king as we entered the front lobby of the royal mansion, located, as I had guessed, just beyond the cemetery.

"I have every right! I am his _king_," King Bill responded irritably.

"Well, you aren't _mine,_" Sookie answered tartly.

"Yes, you made that abundantly clear when you _lied to my face_," King Bill growled.

"_You've_ got a _hell _of a nerve lecturing _me_ on lying," Sookie countered. I could feel her escalating anger. While I was touched by her defense of me, I didn't feel right having her trying to defend me against what I had to assume was justice. I had heard enough about myself at this point that nothing I was accused of would surprise me; if my king had had me arrested, he was no doubt doing it with the best intentions.

"Your Majesty, whatever _I _am guilty of, Sookie had nothing to do with it," I stated. "She was only protecting me."

"How touching," King Bill replied sarcastically. "Silver him!"

"He isn't resisting!" Sookie protested as the guards roughly pulled my wrists behind my back. "You don't have to hurt him!" I groaned when the silver handcuffs coupled around my wrists and I instantly felt weakness spread through my body from the toxic contact.

"Where are you taking him?" Sookie demanded as the guards opened a door that revealed a stairway leading below ground.

"Sookie, stop! You don't have to do this," I said insistently. "You've done too much for me already."

"Yes, you certainly have," King Bill said acidly.

"That's what this is about?" I heard Sookie say angrily as the guards pushed me down the staircase. "You've been running around sticking your fangs and who knows what else into every girl in town, but the second _I_ move on, you _arrest him_?"

King Bill's rude response made it a good thing that he had had me cuffed; despite my attempt to be a cooperative prisoner, I flinched as I faintly heard his words to Sookie. "Believe it or not, my entire existence does not revolve around what or _who_ is between your legs."

The heavy steel door to the lower level had closed behind us, making it impossible to hear the details of what was now a shouted conversation, but I could feel Sookie's fury and hurt pulsing through our bond. As the guards walked me towards a silver-lined cell, I felt defiance and then frustration from Sookie before finally feeling her presence move away from the house. I was relieved; having her mixed up in vampire affairs worried me. The sooner she escaped from this house and from the attention of other vampires, the better. I seemed to have brought her nothing but trouble; maybe having me out from under her roof would give her some much-needed peace.

The human guards released my wrists from the silver handcuffs before placing me into my cell. As the door clanged shut in front me, I noticed an unpleasant odor. "It smells like death in here," I muttered to myself.

"That's me," a voice croaked from a far corner of the cell. I turned in surprise to see a figure, covered by a blanket, propped against a wall.

"Pam?" I could feel her through our bond. She was angry and depressed.

"Bill found you because of me," the voice confessed despondently. "I fucked up, royally_. I'm sorry,_" she ended with a sob.

"Why are you hiding under there?" I asked inquisitively. Was I such a harsh Maker that she was afraid to face me when she'd made a mistake?

"I don't want you to see me like this," Pam responded glumly.

"Take it off," I said. I wasn't going to have a conversation with someone afraid to look me in the face. Maybe I could show Pam I wasn't the monster she appeared to be afraid of.

"No –" Pam pleaded with me.

"Sookie told me I was your Maker. I _command _you."

Sniffling, Pam pulled the blanket away from her head, revealing a face blood-stained with vampire tears and clotted with blackened rot. Pam appeared to be _decomposing_.

"Oh," I said, wishing now I hadn't forced her to reveal her infirmity. I remembered the glamorously outfitted Pam I had seen a few nights before in Sookie's living room. This wouldn't have been a pleasant situation for any vampire, but I suspected that is was especially trying for Pam.

"The witch. Lafayette. His boyfriend, his skank of a cousin – they did this to me," Pam spit out bitterly.

"Who's Lafayette?" And why did his name keep coming up?

"Forget it," Pam choked out wearily. "I can feel myself rotting." She unwrapped the blanket from around her and pushed it away on the floor. "I don't know how much time I have left."

I sank to the cot in the cell. "I'm sorry," I said sympathetically. I could feel her hurt and sorrow. "Are you afraid?" I asked gently.

"Fuck you!" Pam snarled in response. "Pieces of me are falling off. I'm _pissed!_"

Indeed she was; I could feel the white hot rage roil at me through our bond.

"I'm not going to die like this," Pam vowed, leaning forward intensely. "We need to get out of here and get the bitches who did this to me."

"_No,_" I cut her off. "No, King Bill believes we are a danger to our kind." At least he thought I was. And a danger to Sookie as well.

I felt Pam's disgust and outrage before she ever opened her mouth. "Let me tell you a little something about _King Bill_," she began contemptuously. "He's a self-loathing, power-hungry, pompous little dork, and you _hate his guts_."

"That is treason," I said uncomfortably. For a moment, I wondered if Pam could be trying to trap me into saying something that would make it even easier for King Bill to execute me, but I could feel that she meant every word she had just said. If she felt this way, did Bill know? And if so, why hadn't he executed her already? Had I been protecting her from his wrath? I winced, thinking of my earlier thoughts that any vampire with an all-human guard had to be _weak. _ Perhaps my progeny's traitorous tendencies had been picked up from _me._

Pam may have been rotting, but she could still move with vampire speed. In a flash, she was kneeling beside me, looking intensely into my eyes. "Eric, snap the fuck out of it! You have no loyalty to Bill Compton! You are a Viking vampire _god_, and you bow to _no one_! If someone crosses you, you rip out their liver with _one fang_!"

Oh, just fucking great. Even if I could have discounted the humans' views of me as shaped by their encounters with my predatory side, how could I argue with what my own vampire child was telling me about myself? Pam probably knew me – _the old me_ – better than anyone, and here she was telling me that all my worst fears of who I was when I was "myself" were as bad – no _worse_ – than I already feared. Apparently _smug, sarcastic ass/biting asshole me_ was also a traitor and brutal killer.

"No –" I choked out, in denial.

"Eric, I have been with you over 100 years," Pam said passionately. "We traveled the world together, killing and fucking and laughing –" I could feel the nostalgia for what Pam was remembering through our bond and I shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't remember that," I said faintly before standing to move away from her. And I didn't _want to_ remember it, either.

"Oh, fucking hell," Pam cursed despondently. "You will. We'll get your life back, I _swear_!"

"_I don't want it_!" I turned and shouted furiously at her. "The things I've done – I don't want to remember." It had been bad enough hearing about it from everyone I had met – Sookie, the wolf, Tara, Bill, and now my own child. I didn't want to _know more_, to _remember _all those things that made me a monster in Sookie's – no, _in my own eyes_.

"You don't know what you're saying," Pam said numbly.

"I'm not the vampire you think I am," I said. "Not anymore." And I never would be again if I could help it.

I could feel Pam's shock and horror even before she began to make the strange, hitching sobs of someone whose heart has just been broken.

I lay down on the cot and turned my back to her, trying to tune out her pain. And while I found I could block the emotional sensations with some effort, I couldn't block out the sound of her weeping as she cried in her corner for the rest of the night.


	7. Final Arrangements

**Chapter 7: Final Arrangements**

When I woke for the night, I was at first disoriented. The royal cell was strangely reminiscent of my bedroom in Sookie's house, with similar concrete walls and built-in flat interior lights. I vaguely wondered if the same contractor had done the work; I had to assume only a few companies locally would specialize in underground vamp-secure spaces. But despite the similarities, it had none of the little touches that had made the other room seem like home the first time I'd (in my memory) seen it.

Pam had eventually stopped crying the night before and fallen silent. At one point, I had suggested she move to the other cot in the cell for her own comfort, but she had mournfully answered that she didn't want to move for fear something else would fall off, so I left her alone. But I had continued to check on her feelings now and again the rest of that night with what I hoped were unobtrusive emotional probes. I could feel that she loved the Other Eric deeply; I just didn't know how to respond to that given how I was feeling about Him. What I did try to do was send Pam what probably felt like awkward waves of comfort. I didn't want to feel her hurt and while I regretted being the cause of her pain, I also knew that I felt strongly about my position, just as she did hers. This wasn't something we could agree on.

When I felt for her on waking this evening, I could feel that she was _awake_, _emotionally exhausted_ – and _fearful,_ presumably for what tonight would bring.

I also reached out to feel for Sookie as well, and found her worried, although not frightened. I was relieved; I did not want her to try to do more for me for fear of what might happen to her.

As I lay on the cot, wondering what the king might do with us this night, I felt a ripple of curiosity from Pam's corner. "Eric?"

"Yes?"

"What happened to you at Sookie's? I don't mean in general –" Pam didn't want to discuss the changes in me any more than I wanted to hear about the old me. It was too painful for both of us. "—but whatever was going on two days ago. You were very happy just as I was going to ground but when I rose for the night, you were –" Pam stopped. "Things had changed. You were … _very unhappy_."

That was a diplomatic way to put it. I knew Pam was referring to what happened while I was intoxicated on the fairy blood – and what I felt afterwards.

"Was it Sookie?" she asked tentatively when I didn't answer right away. "I thought you had probably _finally_ fucked her when I felt your joy and when I felt your later feelings, I assumed she had…done something. Or said something to hurt you afterwards."

I could feel Pam's negative feelings towards Sookie, but it hadn't occurred to me that they might be caused by Pam's love for the Other Eric. She thought Sookie hurt Him – _me_. And she didn't like it.

I was also frankly shocked that Pam seemed to think the Other Eric could be hurt. I thought He – _I _– wasn't supposed to have any feelings?

"I drank a fairy," I finally said. "It was…intoxicating." I turned fully to look at her. "I could walk in the sun. And _swim _and _fly_ in the sun. It was – _amazing_." It was _still_ amazing; I could feel the swell of remembered pleasure sweep through me again and I knew Pam felt it, too. "But when it stopped and I realized I could never do it again –" I shook my head. "It hurt."

"You _flew _in the _sun_?" Pam's tone sounded almost mocking, but I could feel her genuine thrill for me.

"Not a lot," I answered ruefully. "I was concerned that if I were spotted, I'd get interrupted. But I did see the sunrise from the treetops. And swim in the lake." I added teasingly, "And swim with gators."

"Just a regular Louisiana good ol' boy," Pam said drily.

There was a moment's silence before I asked, "Why did you think the feelings had something to do with Sookie?"

This time Pam was the one who was quiet before answering. "It felt very much the way you felt went she was gone."

"Gone?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

Pam sighed. "Sookie was gone for a year. You thought she was with the fairies, although I don't think she's ever told you for sure." She looked at me questioningly as if perhaps Sookie had confided in me since I'd lost my memories, but I had to shake my head "no."

So the dead fairy's attempt to take Sookie to the fairy realm was not the first one. And Sookie _had not wanted_ to go there again.

Any residual qualms I had about having eaten the fairy vanished.

"What did you mean that my feelings were similar to when she was gone?" I had not forgotten how we got on the subject of Sookie and fairies.

"You care for Sookie." Pam's eyes met mine. "I mean, you _have cared_. For a _long time_."

"You mean, I want to fuck her." It was more of a question than a statement. My impression of my "normal" motivations were that they typically involved only my fangs and my dick.

Pam snorted. "I wish. Our lives would be _so_ much simpler if it were that easy." She shifted positions to be more comfortable. "No, you _care_ about her. You've saved her life at least twice that I know of, you've risked yourself in other ways for her sake on a _ridiculous_ number of other occasions, and you bought her god-damned _dump of a house_ in order to fix it up for her while she was gone. _You care for her._ No matter what she may think about it." Pam pursed her lips. "And while she was gone, you …didn't handle it well."

I could feel the pain through our bond as Pam presumably remembered what my "not handling it well" entailed.

"I was sad?" I prompted.

Pam laughed mirthlessly. "Sookie Stackhouse _fucking broke you_, Eric." She shook her head. "You were _miserable _while she was gone. I've never seen you so depressed. Not in a hundred years; not even after _Godric._ You were –" Pam choked a little on the ironic turn of phrase, "—_not yourself_ while she was gone. At least that damned house gave you something productive to do until she came back."

That made me think of something. "Why didn't I give her the house then? When she got back?"

Pam shrugged. "You own the house, you own her. I assume you were still holding it over her head to get her to choose to become Yours."

Oh. Well, fuck, just as I was beginning to think maybe I _could_ live with the Other Me, Pam had to remind me that He – I – was an asshole.

"You were probably going to give it to her anyhow," Pam said morosely. "Whether she became Yours or not. That fairy bitch has turned your ability to think like a vampire to shit."

"_Pam_," I said warningly.

Something about my tone made Pam sniffle: _nostalgia, loss_. "Goddammit, you just sounded like _you_, and it hurts to know you're _not_ you even if you _sound like it_." Her eyes brimmed with bloody tears.

I chose to ignore the implication of what weeping over the "missing me" said about Pam's feelings for the "current me." Not that I expected her to love me the way she loved him, but to constantly be compared to an absent someone else when I was the one present was…tiresome.

"You said I had saved Sookie's life? Twice?" I hadn't missed that little detail in her explanation earlier. And maybe more questions would distract her from her sense of loss over asshole me.

Pam wiped at her eyes. "Yes. The first time, you took the blast from an explosion in Dallas so that she didn't get hit by the shrapnel –"

"Wait," I interrupted. "Is this the same time I tricked her into drinking my blood?"

Pam rolled her eyes. "Yes, you asked her to suck the shrapnel _you took for her_ out of your chest. As far I am concerned, that was _quid pro quo_."

I couldn't agree with Pam since I still knew that Sookie hadn't _needed _to suck the metal out of my body, but I was surprised that Sookie hadn't mentioned I had protected her in the blast.

"And the second time I saved her?" I asked cautiously.

"You didn't give her to Russell Edgington." Pam said definitively.

I frowned in confusion. "No, I thought I _did_ give her to Russell Edgington. And that we both drank from her until she nearly died."

"Well, _yes,_" Pam said, "but you could have just given her to Russell outright and been done with it. Instead, you convinced Russell to drink her with you and walk in the sun together – and not drain her in the process. Whether that annoying little –" Pam spotted my look and obviously changed her next words. "—_fairy princess_ appreciated what you did for her or not, you saved her life because Russell would have just chugged her like a human bottle of _sun tea_."

"Did you say 'walk in the sun together'?" I stared at her, wondering if I had misunderstood something.

"Oh, for God's sake, what have you two been talking about for the last few days that she hasn't even told you _that_?" Pam said in exasperation. She then proceeded to explain to me how I had planned to destroy Russell Edgington by appearing to give him Sookie, while safeguarding her to the best of my ability. "And then, after Sookie pulled you inside so that you didn't burn any further –"

_Oh, she did? _ Maybe she didn't hate me – Him – as much as I thought she did?

"—she let you drink from her in order to heal and then went back out to rescue that asshole from the sun after you asked her to."

"She let me drink from her? _Voluntarily_?" I was genuinely shocked. "And rescue _who_, Russell? I wanted him _rescued_? _Why_?"

"_Fuck _if I know that to this_ day_, Eric. I know you ended up feeling that you were punishing him even worse by not killing him, but I still think you should have staked his miserable ass. Even _Sookie_ thought so."

I was still confused as all hell by this. And hadn't Sookie told me Edgington had met the true death?

"But then we did kill him later, right?" I said warily.

Pam shook her head. "No, you and Bill buried him in wet cement wearing a very fashionable overcoat of silver chains. He's still there, no doubt withering away. You, fortunately, are _not._"

She was about to launch off into some other part of the story, I could tell, but I interrupted her.

"So Russell Edgington is _not dead_ is what you're telling me?" I said intensely.

"No, although I sure as fuck wish he _was_."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I was going to have to let Sookie know. If I ever got to see her again. She thought she was _safe._

**~*E&S*~**

Pam told me more details about how I'd found Russell Edgington and his wolves, thanks to Sookie's relationship with Bill, and how I had sought vengeance from the king of Mississippi for the death of my family. Hearing the specifics of how I had killed Edgington's lover only convinced me that I had foolishly placed Sookie in future danger because of my own need for vengeance. If Edgington had loved his consort as much as I loved Sookie, we had a lot to fear if he was ever able to retaliate. I was going to have to warn her if it was the last thing I did.

I was barely listening as Pam rattled on with a story she found amusing about Russell and some large glass vase, as I sat, thinking about loving Sookie.

_I loved Sookie. _I had been certain of what I felt for her even before she kissed me on the steps of her house, but even _I _had been surprised at how quickly and intensely my feelings had grown. Even with my memories gone, it seemed strange to fall in love with someone in just a few days.

I wondered if I had loved her for a long, long time before I lost my memory. If Other Me had not just "cared for her," but _loved her_.

Although if He/I did, He/I sure had some fucking moronic ways of showing it.

It would be so much easier if Sookie could _feel_ how I felt about her. If she could feel and subsequently learn to trust my love for her, maybe she would forgive me, no matter what the Other Eric had done. And while I couldn't undo the past, I could try to do right by Sookie in the future. If I survived that long.

"—honestly, I don't know what he expected to do with that big pile of goo, but—" Pam fell silent as guards appeared at the bars of our cell.

"Sheriff Northman," one of the human guards said. "You have been determined to be under the control of a necromancer and therefore a threat to your kind. King Compton has requested that you be brought upstairs for the administration of your sentence."

"_What?_ What sentence?" Pam said shrilly. "He hasn't had a _trial _yet!" Pam had used her vamp speed to stand and move between me and the guards, as I was still seated on my cot. "If you try to touch him, I'll rip your fucking human heads off," she growled.

"Ma'am, don't interfere, or we will have to use silver bullets on you," another guard said.

"_Pam,_" I said in the same voice that had made Pam cry earlier. "_As your Maker, I command you not to interfere with them removing me from this cell or administering my sentence._" Pam began to cry again and she made a move towards me, but stopped when a gun rose in her direction. I felt my progeny's panic and sorrow and I turned to the guards.

"The True Death?" One nodded sharply, avoiding my eyes. I assumed that was part of their training, to minimize the likelihood of glamouring. "I don't expect privacy, but can she come close enough to say goodbye to me? I'd also like to give her a few final instructions. Nothing that can't be overheard by you," I said sincerely.

All eyes moved to one member of the team. He spoke into his Bluetooth headset. "Your majesty, Sheriff Northman asks if he can give Ms. Swynford de Beaufort some final instructions. He has commanded her as her Maker not to interfere with the enactment of his sentence, but he wishes to say goodbye to her." Through the headset, I heard Bill agree and the guard nodded and gestured at Pam affirmatively.

In an instant, she had moved in close to me, but rather than clutch me to her – although I could feel she wanted to – she simply stood close by, her arms cradling herself as she wept. "Eric," she sobbed quietly to me, "Please don't let them do this. You are _stronger _than they are, far stronger than _fucking Bill_, for Christ's sake; you do not have to let them do this. We can fight them, fight the Authority if we need to—"

I stepped forward and lightly placed my arms around her, careful not to damage her fragile and deteriorating body. "Shhhhh, Pam," I said gently. "You promised me." I raised her chin with a finger to look her in the eyes. "You're not going to give these men any trouble. They're just doing their job." And in that moment she hated me as much as she loved me – or Him, or whatever version of Eric Northman it was that she cared about – but she nodded the tiniest bit. Down to business. "Pam, do I have a will?"

"Yes," she bit out. "But I don't want your fucking properties –"

I shook my head at her. Not relevant. "Do you inherit Sookie's house if I meet the True Death?"

"Yes." I could feel as her mind leaped ahead to what I was about to request.

"As Your Maker, I command you –"

"_Fuck you_, Eric Northman, you do not have to _command _me to give her that goddamn house!" Pam hissed at me. "I will give it to her the moment you are gone if that is what you want, and then I don't care if I never see Stookie Stackhouse again. But you only have to fucking _ask me_!"

I leaned closer and said softly, "And if I don't get a chance to tell her, tell her about Russell Edgington. Please. She doesn't know." I was purposefully vague, aware of the human guards and uncertain whether having anyone else should hear the news that Russell Edgington was still alive.

Pam nodded stiffly, still sniffling. I felt another rush of tremendous pain and sorrow through our bond and her eyes filled again. "Eric –" she choked out. "I'm _so sorry_. I didn't mean to tell Bill and I _never, ever_ wanted it to come to this –" She began to sob wretchedly and I kissed her lightly on the head.

"_I forgive you,_" I whispered to her and was grateful to hear that the words comforted her. "And although I don't want to be the vampire you knew again –" Pam's body trembled and I knew that _those words_ were not as welcome. "I appreciate that you loved him – that you _love me_ enough to want to fight so hard for me." I smiled. "Especially since I appear to have been a major asshole," I added drily.

"But you were _my_ major asshole," Pam sniffled.

I looked down at the top of her blonde head. "Are we good?" I asked almost casually.

She wiped tears away from her eyes, making a far worse mess on her face. "As good as we can be with you _willingly _going off to die for that –" I didn't know if she was about to curse King Bill or Sookie, but this was not the time to name call either of them, so I touched a finger to her spell-ravaged lips and shook my head.

"_Be good_," I said warningly, using what I now thought of as my Maker voice.

"_Fuck you_," she said, rolling her eyes, but I could feel that she said it with love.

I looked over her head at the guards. "I think we're done here."

Pam turned to the corner where she had spent the night and pressed herself against the wall as the guards put silver handcuffs on me and led me out of the cell. I could feel that she didn't want to try the limits of my command's bind on her by watching them take me away.

**~*E&S*~**

We were a cluster of five: two guards who held me by my biceps, my wrists bound behind my back in silver, with two more armed guards, one at my side and one at my back. They led me out through the front hallway outside, where Bill stood looking up at the full moon.

The guards forced me to my knees in front my ruler, but I made the choice to acknowledge him because I was going to die with honor, especially if it was going to be the _last thing I did._ "Your Majesty," I said respectfully.

King Bill's face was cold. "You understand why you're here?"

"I've been told I'm under the spell of a necromancer," I replied bluntly. "And that I am consequently a threat to my kind."

"You are here, Sheriff Northman, because I have been given_ orders_ to sentence you to the True Death." The king paused as if he expected some response from me, but I simply nodded slightly in acknowledgement. "Do you have anything to say?"

"According to my progeny, I was a –" I hesitated and then reframed my words, closing my eyes against the difficulty of what I was about to say. _"—I am_ –" I _would _die with my honor, what little I felt I had left_._ "—a barbarian thug who's never respected your authority. I don't expect you to show me any mercy."

The king looked down at me, bewildered. "Surely you don't wish to die?"

"No. But I don't wish to live this way, either," I replied. I glanced up at the king, trying to explain my choice. "The vampire I used to be is a stranger to me. I have nothing to say in his defense." I saw the king rock back on his heels, perhaps in surprise at my words. To the end, my reputation as _smug, sarcastic ass_ had preceded me, I guess. "I will accept my sentence." I lowered my head briefly. And then I thought of something. "But I have a request," I added.

The king pursed his lips as if this was much more in keeping my usual character. _"Naturally." _

"Release Pam," I said urgently. "At the rate she's decomposing, she can't be much of a threat. At least not for long."

King Bill looked as if he was considered it. When he didn't say no, I took it as a wish granted.

"What else?" he said as if expecting something worse.

"Sookie." And there it was. I could see by the expression on his face that whatever he feared I would ask had to do with Sookie. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he thought I was about to say. "Tell her I was born the night she found me," I began and I heard my own voice crack with the emotion of it. "Because of her I went to my true death knowing what it means to love. Tell her thank you."

Clearly, that was not what my king had anticipated.

Bill Compton gave me a faint, stiff nod in acknowledgement, then signaled for the weapon of execution, which turned out to be an elaborately turned wooden stake nested in a velvet-lined box. As he began to withdraw the weapon from its royal purple shroud, I added, "And one more message for her. Please."

The king turned, the implement of my True Death in his hand, as if he was once again unsure what to expect from me.

"I am told you know _exactly_ what happened to Russell Edgington," I said carefully. Maybe the king's guards knew the full story, but I suspected not.

The king tensed.

"Please tell Sookie all the details. So she knows _the whole truth_," I said, meeting his eyes to try to convey what I meant. The warning for Sookie's sake.

He barely nodded again, his face unreadable. And then, one hand lightly marking the target of my heart, he raised the stake high overhead in his other hand, preparing to plunge it into my chest. I raised my eyes to the sky, where the moon hung, huge and white. And as I looked at it, I followed the thread of my bond with Sookie for one last time. And while I felt that she was _worried about something_, _tired_ but somehow_ relieved_, I willed my love towards her and knew that I had done my best to leave her safer in this world.


	8. Together

**Chapter 8: Together**

The stake trembled in the air, but I held myself as still and tranquil as marble, my eyes fixed on the moon and my heart fixed on Sookie.

"Your majesty!" One of the guards said sharply, touching his headpiece. "Ms. Flanagan is on the line for you. She says she has the response to your request."

The stake vibrated more tensely for a moment, but then King Bill lowered his arm. He stood for a few moments more, the stake dangling at his side, still quivering slightly, before he placed it, steadying it with both hands, back into its ornate case. "Guard the prisoner until I return and then we will resume." His voice was tight.

The four guards stood around me as I remained kneeling. After a couple of minutes had passed, I asked conversationally, "Well, this is awkward. Do you often have executions stall at the last possible second?" The two guards holding my arms glanced at one another over my head and one of them shook his head negatively at me. "Good. It seems rather…anti-climactic." I rocked back slightly so that I was seated on my feet behind me and got comfortable.

**~*E&S*~**

It was a full seven minutes before Bill Compton returned, tugging irritably at his cuffs, his lips pinched and his eyes cold.

"Sheriff Northman," he finally said, his voice crisp. "You are a very … _fortunate_ vampire." He ground out the adjective as if it were not the first word that came to mind. "On reviewing the warrant for your execution, _certain members _of the Authorityfelt that with the necromancer already in our custody, you may not pose as great a threat as previously believed. Due to your..." The king's lips tightened slightly and his eyes narrowed. "…_reputation_ as a _productive and valuable_ member of vampire society when you are in your normal state, I have been ordered to release you. You are free to go."

I was stunned as the guards followed the king's commands to pull me to my feet and remove the silver binding my wrists. I was going to be freed?

"Your majesty, what about Pam?" I asked hopefully.

"Your progeny will also be released," King Bill said shortly.

"Thank you," I said earnestly.

The guards were already escorting Pam out of the house, unfettered. She rushed over to me and touched my arm. "Eric, are you okay?"

I nodded at her and she turned to the king. "Thank you, your majesty. I am free to go?" Pam said calmly. It was disconcerting to feel Pam's relief mixed with disgust, presumably for our ruler, and yet not be able to detect her true feelings in her face or voice. I wondered if the Other Eric had schooled her in hiding her emotions so well.

"Yes, although don't assume that because the Authority has freed your Maker that they are any more amenable to harming the witch. We are still bound by the constraint against human on vampire violence," the king warned. "Perhaps you should contact Dr. Ludwig. She might have some suggestions for you," he added more kindly.

Pam turned towards me. "Are you going back to Sookie's then?"

Before I could reply, King Bill inserted himself. "I thought you'd go back to Shreveport together. Won't there be greater safety in numbers?" His voice was light, but I detected an edge to it.

Pam's words didn't reflect her irritated feelings. "Your majesty, I don't think returning to our normal resting places in Shreveport is safe for either of us at this point. Eric will be safer if he remains hidden at Sookie's. And until I know what kind of treatment Dr. Ludwig might suggest, I'd feel better staying in my spare coffin at Fangtasia."

King Bill frowned, bewildered. "Why would you feel safer in a public place than at home, Pam? That makes no sense."

Pam raised a damaged eyebrow. "I have been relying on Ginger's assistance these last few days. If I find I am incapacitated by my treatment by Dr. Ludwig, I fear being stranded at home and having to call Ginger there. Would _you_ want Ginger to know your true resting place? I'd never go to ground at home feeling safe again."

"Is this Ginger so dangerous?" I asked curiously.

"I'll explain later," Pam said with a shake of her head. "So, are you going back to Sookie's or not?"

I tuned into my bond with Sookie and smiled. "She' s not at home at the moment, but I can find her."

I turned one last time to my king. "Thank you again, your majesty. I will give you no cause to regret this decision," I said solemnly.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Eric," the King said with a snort. And then he turned from me and strode back towards his mansion.

**~*E&S*~**

I followed my bond with Sookie and it led me into the woods, near the lake where she had found me the morning I frolicked in the sun. I heard her before I saw her, and I didn't need to feel our connection to know she was frustrated, because she was shouting her frustration at the top of her lungs. "Jason! _Come on_!" she yelled irritably into the dark. "I love you, but my feet hurt, the mosquitos are eating me alive, and you ain't even going _to turn into a werepanther!_" I finally saw her on the far side of a clearing. She was carrying a shotgun in her hands as she called into the dark for her brother. "Can you hear me? _You ain't gonna be a werepanther!_" she shouted, emphasizing each word sharply.

I know she couldn't feel me standing behind her through the one-way bond, but something alerted her to my presence and she turned toward me, the gun at the ready. As soon as she saw me, she gasped – not with fear as she had the first time she saw me, but with _shock_ and _joy_. Conscious that my presence was unexpected, I remained where I was, anxious not to startle her with a movement until I knew she was comfortable. While I was reasonably sure Sookie's gun was not loaded with anything fatal to vampires, it was still wise to be cautious in approaching an armed woman.

She hurried towards me, lowering the weapon as she moved. "_How—?_" I could feel the confusion and relief behind her unfinished question, with an undercurrent of worry. Maybe she thought I had done something dishonorable in order to escape my captors?

"The king set me free," I answered forthrightly.

I felt the rush of her happiness pour towards me like the waves of the ocean I had dreamed about, like the currents of air I had flown through. Sookie was _overjoyed_ to see me and her joy circled around me in a buoyant, all-encompassing surge of energy.

That would have been enough. I would have been elated to know she was happy to see me, jubilant to feel her relief for me.

But I also felt Sookie's _love_. Her love for _me._

I didn't understand it. I knew I wasn't worthy of it and I couldn't understand what had pushed _affection_ and _desire _over the edge in the last 24 hours into this profound sea of feelings, but the emotions that enveloped me were pure, passionate and deep, deeper than I had ever dreamed she could feel for me.

Maybe _asshole me_ wasn't so far beneath my surface after all; while I suppose I should have asked her what had happened, pressed her to know why she felt the way she did before I acted, I just ran with it. Literally. I used my vamp speed to rush to her and then took her face between my hands and began to kiss her. Her response was eager and full, as she pulled me closer to her body and began to return my kisses hungrily. As our tongues explored each other's mouths, I ran my hands over her petite body, enjoying the freedom to finally touch her and caress her without restraint. Every stroke made her heart leap and her breath deepen, but what roused me most was how each contact between us made her feelings swell and dance.

I buried my hands in her fair hair, slipping my fingertips through the silky strands until they met resistance at the band holding her hair at the back of her neck. With a growl, I slid the band off and brushed it away into the dark. Sookie laughed against my mouth as her hair fell free, but she moaned when I grasped handfuls of her blonde waves, entwining them gently in between my fingers and then pulled her deeper into our kisses. I let my fingertips massage her scalp even as my tongue rhythmically probed her mouth and the response was an intense rush of arousal from Sookie. When I pulled my mouth from hers to begin nuzzling into her neck, she gasped with pleasure and then moaned into my ear, "Pick me up."

Given that my little fairy hybrid was apparently trying to _climb me_ to compensate for our height differences, it seemed like a good suggestion. I slid my hands down her body to that delectable bottom that had been entrancing me since the night we met and, cupping it in my large hands, pulled her up so that her legs could slip around my hips more easily. The new position allowed her to begin rocking against the hardness pinned between our bodies as she began sucking the lobe of my ear. Unfortunately, the moist sensation against my ear combined with the intense friction of my shorts against my erection also made my knees buckle, causing us to nearly topple over into the grass. Sookie laughed as I groaned into her ear, "We need to be flat, or we're going to tumble into the lake."

She reached for my blue hoodie, tugging it off and tossing it aside as I lowered her onto the ground, unzipping her own colorful top layer. She was as eager as I was to bare ourselves and before I knew it, we were both nude and she was throwing herself back onto the carpet of grass at our feet and tugging me down to her. I was mindful of my large size in comparison to the delicacy of her frame, so as much as I wanted to simply pin her to the ground and have my way with her, I was careful to position myself so that my weight didn't trap her. I began to explore the creamy topography of her tanned skin, breathing in the sunshine that clung to her like perfume, and kissing and licking my way around the curves of her breasts as she clutched at my shoulders and back.

I noticed as my tongue ran over the hollow of her neck that she kept tensing slightly, and I suspected that she was bracing for me to bite her. I would have loved to have slipped my fangs into her the same way I was planning to slide my hardness into her body, but the little flickers of anxiety checked me, reminding me of my solemn vow not to drink from her. I would not, even in the midst of passion, take blood from her unwillingly.

"Shhhh, Sookie," I whispered against her throat, "I'm not going to hurt you. Ever." I gently and playfully ran my tongue over the artery at her neck, flicking it lightly in order to tickle her and then pressing it flat in order to sooth the nerve endings. She moaned as I continued nuzzling and rubbing, working my way down the front of her body, giving careful attention to every inch. Gradually I felt her relax and give into the trust between us fully; she quit worrying that I was going to bite her at some unexpected time and instead, she began pressing up urgently against my fingers and mouth – against my entire body – without reservation.

When I slipped my hand between her thighs for the first time, I was amazed at the wet heat I discovered there. I gently caressed the folds of her entrance, lightly brushing against the sensitive nerve endings, making her twitch and catch her breath, and then with slow deliberation slid a finger inside her. The heat made me swoon with lust and I closed my eyes and groaned even as she flexed her muscles around my digit, clenching with more power than I had expected. I ravenously kissed her lips as I began to probe more systematically, stroking the inner surfaces, pressing and kneading her increasingly swollen flesh.

As I used my thumb to strum her most sensitive area, I gradually worked in a second finger until she was panting and heaving beneath me. "Eric, _please_," she moaned, grasping at my rock hard erection, which I had been thrusting against her thigh as I prepared her to accept its admittedly hefty size.

I rolled over more directly on top of her, using the hand that had been inside her to place the slickened head of my erection where my fingers had just been. Pushing only my tip to the inside, I paused as I allowed her to become accustomed to my intrusion, carefully supporting my weight on my arms to either side of her head. Her hands grasped my hair and she pulled my lips down to hers, plunging her tongue greedily into my mouth as she tried to urge me deeper inwards with her hips, but I resisted her impatience for her own good, and took my time to penetrate her _slowly _with small, controlled movements, pushing just a fraction of an inch deeper with each gentle thrust. If I hadn't been so conscious of my desire not to hurt her, I never would have succeeded in my attempts to join her so carefully because the heat and dampness that surrounded my rigid length was making me almost insane with lust.

With each thrust, she enclosed me more fully and not only could I feel how Sookie's pleasure increased with each movement as her heart raced and her breathing grew ragged, but I could feel as waves of emotion rolled through her. We were not _fucking_; we were _making love._ I couldn't remember my history with lovers before Sookie, but my instincts told me that this was not how I normally interacted with women I bedded.

Each stroke took me deeper and we moved together more freely until I was finally as deep as I dared go without hurting her. We were moving together in a smooth, hard friction that pulled at me with each withdrawal and squeezed me with each inward plunge. As we rocked together, I was careful to rotate myself unexpectedly in ways that drove her pleasure higher.

Sookie was increasingly hot and frantic in her response to me, her body thrashing beneath mine and her cries unselfconsciously loud as the muscles of her body tensed in anticipation of her orgasm. Inside the molten heat of her body, I could feel as her core clenched me, tiny ripples stroking my own exquisitely sensitive flesh with each urgent push.

And then I smelled and heard the wolves. I recognized the smell of the male – Alcide, the one who had helped me the day I had spent in the sunlight – but the female's scent was new. I hitched in my motion inside Sookie for just a moment, only to have her pull urgently at me, almost whimpering with a frustration I could feel pulsing between us. "Eric, don't stop – _don't stop_—" she grunted in my ear, her fingers clutching desperately at my biceps.

Determining by their hushed conversation that the wolves were no threat, I closed my eyes and concentrated on bringing Sookie to her bliss, letting myself get lost in our shared physical and emotional ecstasy. There was also a primal part of me that took pride in bringing my woman to a quivering orgasm in front of someone I considered a rival, no matter what Sookie had said about their mere friendship. I was marking her as mine with every stroke closer to rapture and I wanted the wolf – no, the whole world – to know it.

The intruders moved away into the woods just as Sookie finally shuddered beneath me, sobbing with completion, her legs and arms locking tightly around me as if to pull me in as deeply as possible with each small quake of her body. As I exploded inside her with my own powerful release, I caught her heated and swollen lips against my own and kissed her passionately. As my own aftershocks diminished, I showered her flushed and damp face with tiny kisses, covering her still closed eyes, her enflamed cheeks and her delicate jawline. I didn't separate from her yet, reluctant to withdraw from her until I truly _had_ to, and being a vampire, I didn't _have_ to with any particular speed.

By the time her breathing had steadied again, the wolves had moved beyond my ability to sense them, but still I felt it would be best for us to leave our magical little glade. The moonlight dappling the trees around us and the melodic ripple of water nearby were like our own Garden of Eden, but the near interruption by the wolves reminded me we were exposed here. I wanted to make love to Sookie again, but I wanted to do it in total security.

Sookie's eyes were still closed, her head resting on a tuft of grass beneath her head, her hands stroking my own damp back softly. Suddenly, she started to laugh and covered her face with her hands, and I felt a ripple of embarrassment and humor through my connection with her. "Oh, Goooooooooooood," she moaned from behind the fence of her fingers. "I've never done _that_ before!"

Running the tip of my tongue between her entwined fingers teasingly, I smiled as I asked, "Done what? Make love outdoors?" I caught one fingertip in my mouth and began to suck it softly, nipping playfully at it with my blunt teeth.

I felt a twinge of awkwardness from her that briefly made me regret asking, but then she peeked out at me from between her laced fingers, catching her breath with a little moan at what I was doing to her finger. "No, done _that_ when I knew someone was watching."

I let her finger go from my mouth with a pop and laughed. "You _knew_? I thought you were too…_distracted_." I leaned in and carefully outlined the shell of her ear with the tip of my tongue, making her groan again. She dropped her hands from her face to bury her fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck.

"I suppose you smelled 'em or heard 'em with your super vampire hearing or something," she said, her hips already rocking a little around me. I loved that my Sookie was so greedy for us to make love again. I felt myself twitch slightly inside her; there were distinct advantages to being a vampire, one of them being _magical _recovery times.

"Both," I said, pulling myself away from the enticement of her throat and instead gently stroking the buds of her nipples with my thumbs. I was entranced to find that they were quickly turning into hard little pebbles that were satisfyingly turgid as I brushed them. "But how did you know?" I asked curiously.

"Well, I don't 'hear' weres and other shifters quite the same way I do humans, but—" Suddenly she stopped and I felt a brief inner struggle as she considered something.

My hands stilled and I contemplatively pressed soft kisses along the edge of her hairline as I waited to see what she would say. I was confused; we were lying, still as intimately connected as a couple could be, and yet she was debating about whether to reveal something to me. I felt a brief pang of disappointment that she felt this was something she needed to think about.

"Sookie?" I probed softly.

She licked her lips and began to brush my hair back from my face by running her fingers through it. "Eric, you _know this_ when you have your memories, but it just hasn't come up until now…" She sounded almost apologetic. "I hear people's thoughts. Like words in my head normally, although sometimes with the two-natured, it's more…snarly and hard to understand. So I 'heard' Alcide and Debbie. Not that I _cared _that they were near us at that point," she said with a breathy laugh and a playful strike at my shoulder. "You had me beyond any shame!"

I had pushed myself up onto my elbows and was staring at Sookie. "But I can't hear vampires," she added hastily. _Worried._

"You're a _telepath_?" I asked in astonishment. My Sookie was full of wondrous surprises. "But you can't hear my thoughts?" I asked in disappointment.

Sookie shook her head at me. "No, not a bit."

I brushed her lips with mine, sucking at her lower lip as I drew back. "Too bad. I wish you could hear what I'm thinking now." I stared into her eyes, willing her to hear as I thought intently, _I love you, Sookie, and I want to be One with you – forever_.

She smiled at me and caressed my cheek, "Oh, it doesn't take a telepath to know what you're thinking at the moment." She wiggled her hips beneath me again, making me swell inside her. I smiled back, but I felt a little sadness as I again longed for her to _know_, to _really know_ what I felt for her.

"But I _like_ that I can't hear y'all, Eric," she said quietly, meeting my eyes. "I've been surrounded by the noise of people's thoughts all my life. You can't imagine how _nice_ it is to have silence. So _restful_."

I kissed her and began to move slowly inside her again. "Mmmm, well, I guess I should be glad you find _something_ about me _restful_," I murmured. "Because I don't think you'll get to enjoy much _rest_ for the rest of the night," I said teasingly. I was determined not to let my hopes and expectations ruin what I _did have_ in front of – or, at the moment – _beneath _me.

Sookie moaned as I moved and I felt her emotions spiral up again. "Eric," she sighed against the curve of my neck, and began to slide her thighs back and forth in a gentle rhythm along their perch on my hips. She slipped her arms around me and clasped her hands together on my back. "We should probably go to the house," she whispered. "In case anyone else comes trompin' through these woods." I felt a prickle of elation as I realized my Sookie wanted to enjoy being with me without distraction.

Feeling her desire for me, I reflexively and happily gave her a deep thrust, making her arch her back with a pleasured gasp. _Yes. _Her body had adjusted to my incursion. I wasn't going to have to hold back so much our second time. We _definitely_ needed to get home _soon_.

I groaned, pressing my forehead to hers. "You mean Jason? I heard you yelling for him," I said. "But I have to tell you, he's nowhere near by." I kissed her passionately, the motion of my hips following that of my tongue, before I reluctantly withdrew from the warmth between her legs. I was perversely happy to feel her disappointment as our bodies separated and I regretfully sat up, breaking our erotic contact. "You'll have to tell me about why you thought he might be a werepanther later," I growled. "But for now, I want you to hang on tight because we are going to _fly home_." Walking – hell, even running at vamp speed – was going to take _too long_.

"What do you mean, _fly_?" Sookie yelped as I scooped her into the air, holding her securely against me, one hand cradling her luscious butt and the other supporting her back and the prodigious evidence of my arousal happily trapped between my belly and her hip.

The flight was over within seconds since we were so close to home, but even so, Sookie was still gasping in surprise as we landed on the porch. "Eric Northman, what the hell! Can't you give a girl more warning?"

"_No,_" I said thickly, tumbling her against the front door and tugging at her legs to raise them back around my waist. "I need you again_ now,_ Sookie." Slipping my hands under her thighs, I lined up my rigidness against her soft, damp folds and thrust home in one firm drive that made her cry out with rapture.

I wasn't alone in the joy I felt at reconnecting our bodies. Sookie's _arousal _and _happiness _reached out and coiled around my emotions as snugly and comfortably as her inner walls enclosed around my hard flesh.

"Oh, God, Eric," she gasped as I began to rock against her, thudding her hips against the firmness of the door behind her. If our first coupling had been controlled and sweet, I was not going to be able to maintain my restraint so easily this time.

I fumbled with the doorknob blindly, finally throwing it open and, focused only on the availability of another flat surface – the rug I had muddied with my bare feet on the night we had "met" – Sookie and I tumbled to the floor. Making mutually hungry noises, I immediately began to thrust inside her more forcefully as she eagerly tried to position her legs to welcome me more deeply. I was trying not to overwhelm her, but to the detriment of my self-control, she grated out, "Hold – my – legs – higher. Please – _deeper_," as she tried to use her own hands to pull her knees into a deeper bend.

Groaning with my own excitement, I repositioned my arms to either side of her with her knees now caught over my inner elbow, pulling her up at an angle that gave me deeper penetration. I began to move faster and harder, angling my hips so that I was repeatedly stroking across the soft, fleshy inner pad that made her legs tremble with each thrust. "Faster – faster—" Sookie panted out at me, her fingers clutching at the braided material beneath us in a futile attempt to keep us from sliding too far with our violent movement. "_Vamp_ fast, Eric –" she pleaded, arching beneath me.

I chuckled at my lover's determination to have what she wanted and complied, moving at a speed human men could not achieve, driving Sookie immediately into wildly inarticulate cries. Her incoherent noises were nothing compared to the emotional storm that broke forth inside her as I pounded into her. My Sookie was feeling _good_ from what I was doing and while this was not the gentle lovemaking we had done in the woods, she was _loving it_ and she was _loving me._

She was still holding back, though. I could feel it. Keeping up my relentless pace, I randomly caught her bouncing breasts in my mouth, catching them and suckling her nipples with little tugs until they would slip from between my lips. "Give into it, Sookie," I encouraged her throatily. "Come on, min älskling, let it go. Scream it for me, Sookie." I began to move even faster, and I could feel her final restraint loosening as her cries grew increasingly hoarse and raw. In turn, I began to lose my own control, my body feeling like it was vibrating on a cosmic level between the world of her thighs, and my own tongue slipping into admittedly garbled Norse as I got caught up in the emotional and sexual frenzy that was swirling between us. She finally did scream, almost victoriously, as her orgasm shook her and I shouted as I followed her in a rush of forceful spasms.

A rarely discussed feature of vampire sex: if you are doing it at vamp speed and stop too abruptly, the sudden cessation of movement is too intense for the human and often leaves the nerve endings overstimulated, raw and stinging, which can be physically painful. The kind thing for a vampire to do for a human lover is to keep moving – more slowly, more gently, but _moving _to give the sensitive nerves time to acclimate to the change in sensation.

Of course, that technique can also lead to multiple orgasms for the human.

As I gently rocked my still firm hardness inside Sookie's quaking center, I felt the next level of her orgasm start. Her heart was pounding at an almost fearsomely high rate, and her breathing was still ragged, but as I continued to press into her smoothly and firmly, her inner walls clamped around me ferociously and began to convulse again. This time, she managed to chant out my name over and over as her entire body shook with pleasure and while I wasn't about to come again just yet, the sensation of the little quakes surrounding my sensitive rod were exquisite. I slowed down a little more and then picked up just enough to set her off for a third time.

She had a fourth orgasm by the time I finally stopped moving.

Sookie was lying limply on the rug when I finally pulled myself carefully out of her, bending over to gently kiss her sweaty skin soothingly. "Sookie? Are you okay?" I said quietly.

She opened one eye a little bit to look at me. "I'm still trembling all over," she confessed with a giggle. "I think every muscle in my body just shorted out." She closed her eyes again and took a slow, deep breath as if to calm her still tremulous body. "So, do I have six hours of this to look forward to?" she mused.

I grinned bashfully as I leaned up on one elbow. "You say that as if you have some special knowledge of my stamina," I said teasingly. "More than I do. I _can _tell you that I feel _fine_, though." I stroked her cheek with one finger, marveling at the way sunshine had tanned her face. I brushed my fingers across her lips as well before leaning in and whispering coyly, "If you give me a few minutes of rest, I can make you come again." I kissed her jawline. "And again." Beneath her ear. "And again." The pulse of her neck. "And _again._"

She swatted at me with a languid hand. "I don't think _you're_ the one that needs time to recuperate," she laughed.

"Oh, my poor, weak human lover," I murmured mischievously. "I suppose I will have to give you _tender, loving care_ until you are able to respond to me again."

_Just as Sookie had done for me since finding me on the road. _My heart swelled for love for her.

Sookie squealed and kicked as I used my vamp speed to scoop her up into my arms and place her gently on a chair in her living room. "Eric! What are you doing, you crazy vampire?" she squeaked.

I knelt before her and softly ran my fingers through her hair to detangle it and arrange it lightly around her face. "I told you," I said in a low voice as I began to run my hands slowly but firmly over her: first her face, then down her neck to her arms and shoulders. "I'm giving you _tender _–" My palms took a leisurely pass over her beautiful breasts before I slid unhurriedly down her sides. "—_loving_—" I dropped my hands to her hips and began to glide them down over her thighs, just enjoying the smoothness of her skin. "—_care_."

I took my time gently smoothing the muscles of her thighs before cupping her knees in my hands and using my thumbs to smooth out the tension in them both in the front and the back. I then began to lightly but firmly work the muscles of her calves before grasping her small feet in my large hands.

Sookie had giggled at first as my fingers had worked their way down her body, but she had gradually fallen silent, just enjoying the sensations. Inside, I could feel her contentment as she relaxed into my care. Every now and again, there would be a prickle of surprise and even astonishment, but they rose and fell like leaves floating on the top of waves. For the most part, she was just enjoying being stroked and nurtured and in turn, she was feeling her love for me. Just as our sexual passion had escalated both of us into a frenzy as I responded to her rapture, her pure happiness inspired me to a deep and profound joy as I caressed her.

As blissful as I was feeling, I couldn't help but think again of how much _better_ it would be if we could be fully bonded, always knowing the other's feelings. There would be – there _could be _– no more distrust or fear between us if that happened. We would always know the truth of what we felt for one another. Even better: the naturally existing loving feelings would be exponentially strengthened by the existence of the bond. Feelings of love, fed by the shared bond, could only grow stronger.

Basking in the warm glow of our lovemaking made me long to be that close to Sookie forever.

Of course, rubbing her tanned skin also made me want to make love to her _again._

I began by kissing the soft arch on the bottom of her foot and then with deliberation nibbling my way up the inside of her ankle. "Mmmmmm," Sookie murmured as my lips snuck up the inside of her leg, exploring the backs of both of her knees before my tongue began to lap a wandering pattern up the inside of her thigh.

With a sigh, Sookie let her thighs fall open wider and began to trace the edges of my ears with her fingertips. "Is that the end of my TLC?" she breathed. I raised my eyes to hers before leaning in and kissing her very chastely on her center.

"I'll never be finished with showing you how I feel, Sookie," I whispered before using my fingers to gently spread her lower lips apart and slipping my tongue inside her. With a thick groan, Sookie arched her hips against my mouth and clutched at my hair. Arranging her thighs over my shoulders, I took my time worshipping her with my mouth and my fingers until she coiled up on herself, quaking, her flushed flesh shivering, hot and wet, her only sounds incoherent whimpers.

As I soothingly kissed her thighs with my juice-coated mouth, she fell back in the chair and said with a breathless laugh, "Well, that's _another _first."

I paused in my tender ministrations and looked up at her in surprise. "What do you mean?" I asked, my tongue still tingling with the delightful taste of fairy.

She blushed and sighed, "Well, I had never tried _that_ before, either." She smiled like a satisfied cat. "Glad you did, though." She made a noise that sounded remarkably like a purr.

I stared in astonishment. Not to be treasonous or anything, but my king-Sookie's-ex-boyfriend was evidently a _fucking idiot_.

I shook my head and nuzzled against Sookie's knee, resting my cheek in her lap. I didn't care if I never had to move from this position the rest of my undead life.

"Eric?"

"Mmmm?" I glanced up at Sookie, who was regarding me rather shyly for a woman who had just had me buried face first between her thighs for several minutes.

"What about _you_?" One of her small feet traced up my thigh to find my still firm erection where it jutted out. She playfully stroked the surface with the edge of her foot, making it bobble and making me groan. "Isn't it 'your turn'?"

_Sookie wanted to please me. _I smiled and straightened up to kiss her full on the mouth. "What did you have in mind for me, my sweet, generous lover?" I whispered.

Sookie reached out to take my silky hardness in her hand, running her thumb over the accumulated moisture at the tip. "Well, what would _you_ like from _me_?"

_Your blood, freely offered with love, so that I can do the same in exchange and we can be One. _

I stifled the thought immediately. I could feel her love and desire for me, but I knew that was not what she was offering. I smiled, and I was glad she couldn't feel my tiny hint of melancholy. Focus on _now_, focus on what we _have_, not what I _want_, I reminded myself.

And then I knew what would make me happy right in that moment.

"Let me sit on the chair, sweetheart," I murmured. I took her hand as she stood and continued to hold it as we swapped placed and I dropped into the damp seat. I tugged her towards me. "What I want…" I said softly, "…is to see you _do_… whatever _you _want to do." I interlaced the fingers of both our hands together, palm to palm, and then drew one hand to my mouth to kiss her softly on the pulse on her wrist. "I want you to be in control of how you move. Without worrying about me," I added firmly. I could feel her hesitancy, as if she were afraid that whatever she chose would not be enough for me. "Sookie, what would be exciting to me is to see what you _choose_ to do when you are free to do _whatever you want._"

For some reason, the thought of Sookie exercising her free will made me hard as a rock. I suspected this was verging on kinky for a vampire, but I didn't care. Of course, I _really, really_ wanted her to _choose me_, but what would make that choice so sweet was that it would be _hers_.

"Okaaaaaaay," she answered with a raised eyebrow. I could feel she was uncertain of what I was asking as if wondering what the catch might be.

I let go of her hands and playfully dropped my arms to my sides so that they hung off the chair, and let my head fall dramatically limp to one side, with my eyes nearly shuttered. "Have your way with me!" I said melodramatically. I opened one eye to peek at her as I 'waved' my erection at her by flexing. "Look, I'm throbbing for you," I said with a grin. "Surely you can think of something you want to do with poor, _old_ me…" I threw my head back against the chair, baring my throat to her affectedly.

Sookie laughed, but it didn't take her long to determine (quite solemnly) that what she wanted to do was to straddle my lap and slide down onto my jutting shaft. I happily followed her lead, responding eagerly to the physical signs of what she wanted me to do and the emotional hints rolling towards me from our connection. I let her ride me freely, using my mouth and hands to kiss and stroke and brush the various surfaces of her body, responding to her every signal willingly and completely, lost in helping her find her own pleasure. Her motions were tentative at first, but as she relaxed and accepted that I was enjoying _whatever_ she did, she began to move more unreservedly, experimenting with various angles and speeds and depths.

At one point while she was rocking her hips around me, her eyes closed in intense concentration, her vaginal walls beginning to show the first fluttering signs of another orgasm, I felt her finally give into the freedom completely. It was like something that had been bound up tight inside for all of her human years had finally been set free, and I felt her embrace her own sensuality and power and pleasure completely and with a profound sense of safety.

With _me_. I couldn't help it; I showered every inch of her body I could reach with fervent kisses as she bucked on me, impassioned by the flowering of her trust in me.

It was her most intense orgasm of the night.

And as I felt the waves shake her body and her soul, I exploded within her in response and it was the most intense orgasm of _my_ night as well.

**~*E&S*~**

When we finally made it upstairs to Sookie's bed, we did not rest right away; rather, she pulled me to her on her clean, patterned sheets, and began kissing me with lustful intent yet again. Conscious that Sookie had to be getting a bit sore from our numerous encounters (although she hadn't complained), I flipped her onto her stomach in a position that would only penetrate her slightly while giving me full stimulation along my entire length. I drew her legs together and, from behind, carefully found her sweet spot. As I began to move inside her again, she arched her back towards me and I couldn't help but stroke the glorious expanse of the lovely skin along her shoulders, awed and voracious to simply _touch_ her.

I could never have enough of being with Sookie. _Never._

When I finally slid my hand beneath our entwined bodies to stroke her most sensitive area, she curved back against me languorously and her orgasm triggered mine, leaving us both finally sated, at least for the moment.

I fell at an angle onto my back across the bed beside her, letting my hand absently stroke the beautiful curve of Sookie's ass as she caught her breath. Her skin was sweat-slicked and I could feel how the surface was cooling as the dampness evaporated from her body.

"Sookie? Are you cold?" I ask solicitously, running the back of my hand along the small of her back.

"Mmmphhmmmphhmmmmphh," Sookie said from where her face was half-buried in the quilt beneath us. She raised her head and laughed, "I don't know _what_ I am after all that. Still shaking, for sure."

I smiled up into the dark, my hand continuing to brush her skin. I would _never_ get enough of touching her. I rolled over and curled along her back. "Let's get under the sheets," I whispered in her ear. "I don't want you to catch a chill." With pleasure, I felt Sookie's casual acceptance of my concern for her; no _surprise_, no _shock_. We had come so far since she had found me on the road and been terrified of me. I sat up and helped her pull the sheets back, my hands much steadier than hers, and arranged them around our bodies.

Slack with relaxation from our lovemaking, but still tremulous, Sookie collapsed on her side of the bed, propped exhaustedly against her pillow. When I'd stayed with Sookie two nights before, I had discovered the hard way that it was impossible for someone my size to actually stretch out full length on Sookie's double bed comfortably; fortunately, I was far more interested in lying close to Sookie than I was in lying flat. I curled against my lover, my head pillowed on her chest and my hands slowly stroking the outline of her beautiful legs through the cotton sheets. To my joy, she was contentedly fondling the bare skin of my shoulder as we lay together; I wasn't the only one who wanted to stay in physical contact. I could feel her _satisfaction_ and _happiness _and a pleasantly banked – but not extinguished –smolder of _lust_.

I could feel the chill finally fading from Sookie's skin thanks to our coverings when Sookie suddenly commented, "We left our clothes in the woods," her voice rumbling with laughter.

At the moment, I didn't care if I ever wore clothes again in Sookie's presence, but I asked nonetheless. "You want me to go get them?"

"Don't you dare move!" she responded firmly, her wonderful little hand continuing to caress my back.

I smiled at her affectionately commanding tone. I was humbled that she wanted me to remain beside her as much as I wanted to do so. If only I could never leave her side…

As I shifted my head against her breast, I realized how clearly I could hear her heart in this position. And if I was _very still_, and _very quiet…_

"You still there?" Sookie asked curiously after a few moments of my absorbed silence.

"I'm listening to your heart beat," I whispered. "I can feel it. Every pulse. Through your skin into mine." I closed my eyes, not only listening, but feeling the vibrations of her heart. "If I lay still and think about nothing else—" I focused on the rhythmic thumps transmitting from her body to mine and for a moment, it almost seemed as if, _as if_ – "—it feels like my own heart is beating," I finished, my hushed voiced thick with wonder and wistfulness.

I suddenly realized that some part of me _missed being human_. Not just being able to be in the sun, but all the other things that Sookie awakened in me; a desire to be honorable; to protect her; to be playful; to feel and show love freely. Things that I believed Sookie was coming to love in me.

Things that I somehow felt were not part of my experience as a vampire, at least if the reputation of my "normal" self was accurate.

Somehow, I suspected the Other Eric had never wanted those things. _What the fuck was I going to do if I got my memory back and no longer wanted them either? _

If my heart could still beat, it would have clutched in fear at that moment, and for a moment, I hated this other self who seemed entirely capable of fucking up _my life_, the life I wanted with Sookie.

"I feel like mine's still racing," Sookie said referring to her still trip-hammering heart. I could hear the laugh in her voice as her fingers continued to play affectionately along my back. "At least there's _some things_ you haven't forgot," she said playfully.

_But so much I had. _ And so much of it sounded like things I didn't _want_ to remember, either. But what if I had no choice? Would Sookie still want me once I knew who I used to be?

I shifted in our bed, putting my head up on the pillow beside Sookie's so that the hand that had been toying fondly with my shoulders was curled comfortingly beneath my neck. My beautiful fairy rolled towards me, snuggling in so that we lay together face to face. I could feel her love for me embracing me through our existing one-way bond. It gave me the courage to speak.

"Sookie." I whispered her name seriously. I hesitated, reluctant to disrupt the love and happiness flowing towards me, but unable to enjoy it completely unless I understood whether I had even the remotest chance of keeping it. I asked in a low voice, "Do you want me to remember again?"

I felt her surprise. "Stop it! Of course I do," she said automatically. She considered for a moment before adding, "I mean, I wouldn't want you to _change_ any. But I do want you to get your memories back." She continued to look into my eyes as she spoke and I could see and feel her earnestness.

"Yeah, but that would change me," I responded quietly. "Once I know who I am, everything I've done, I…I couldn't possibly be the same."

_I could be a monster. _

Sookie had told me the Other Eric was not so bad. But did she believe that enough to want to be with me if _he_ was who I became if my memories came back?

"Would you still want me then?" I asked.

I saw her gulp and felt her _uncertainty_ and her _fear._ I already felt my heart sinking in disappointment before she stuttered out her answer. "I…I don't know." Her words were stumbling. "You did a lot of terrible things to me and people I love," she confessed, her emotions zinging with _revulsion _and _disgust_ for those things (for Other Me, for _me_). "But then, there's the you who's so good and kind and sweet." I waited as she sifted through her feelings. "I could _never_ have let the old you into my bed. God knows you tried." Her little chuckle was humorless.

I wondered bleakly if _biting asshole me_ had ever realized how little chance he had had with her. Obviously, if my memories came back and he was all I was…Sookie would not love me any longer.

I grimly wondered if I could exert my will over this hateful prick that was going to screw up my happiness, if I could continue to be the man Sookie had fallen in love with even when my memories came back.

Maybe he –_I—could change_. If I could fight this Other Me and make him do _my_ bidding, not _his_, maybe Sookie could still love me. I may not have a thousand years of memory behind me to draw on, but I had my love for Sookie to motivate me. And if I had her love for _me_, for _me as I was now_, to hold on to…

I _knew _I could do it, or die trying. Life without Sookie wouldn't be worth living, anyhow.

"Sookie, _would you still want me?_" I asked more insistently, trying to read the answer in her eyes and feelings and willing her to know whether she was even willing to take a chance on me, on _us_.

"I hope I would," she said hesitantly and then said, after a moment's consideration, but more firmly,"I…I _hope_ I _will._" She licked her lips nervously before continuing, " 'Cause …that day's gonna come, and I wanna be still feeling _this_." I felt the deep pleasure and happiness and love flow towards me and I could feel how much she really wanted to keep feeling that way, how much she _wanted_ to love me. "Yeah. I want to so, _so_ bad."

And I suddenly realized, I didn't need to fight Him alone. If Sookie and I became One, we could fight him together. She would be _inside me_, with _me_, and the two of us could make the change happen. _Biting asshole me_ wouldn't stand a chance.

I would chance it. I reached up and lovingly caressed her face. "That's all I need to hear," I said with relief. I brushed her beautiful blonde hair off her face and leaned in to kiss her softly.

I determined that when the time was right, I would ask Sookie to become One with me, and if she accepted, together _we_ would fight for our love. Together, I knew we could _win._


	9. Silver and Sunlight

**Chapter 9: Silver and Sunlight**

Before we had settled in for the night, Sookie had insisted on our showering. I had worked shampoo into her long blonde hair and rinsed it before using my long fingers to scrub her from head to toe. Naturally enough, that had evolved into more lovemaking that ultimately required us to cleanse ourselves all over again, but by the time the water turned cold, we were damp but immaculate. We crawled back into Sookie's bed, still naked, and she asked me to stay with her until sunrise.

We lay nestled together in the moonlit bed, Sookie spooned behind me, an arm flung around my waist and her breath warming my back with each exhalation as she slept. I might have been able to close my eyes and fall into rest myself despite the time of night, but instead I was lying there enjoying the experience of Sookie being wrapped around me. I smiled in the semi-dark as I felt her emotions, subdued but still coursing through her dreams, flowing in generally happy ways: _Lust. Surprise. Happiness. Pleasure. Love. _Her dreams must have been good ones.

The sudden pain came from another direction, jarring me from my blissful immersion in Sookie. _Pam:_ _Agony. Disbelief. Fury. Bitterness. _I opened my eyes in the dark and then carefully, reluctantly slipped out from under Sookie's cradling arm.

The cell phone was in the kitchen, plugged into a charger. When I picked it up, a message warned that there were five messages awaiting Sookie's attention. I didn't know how to access Sookie's messages – and was reasonably sure she wouldn't want me to listen to them, anyhow – but I could scroll the list of names that had called, apparently while we were too distracted to hear the phone. Jason. King Bill. Pam. King Bill twice more.

I called Pam's number by using the redial function.

"Sookie, you got my message?" Pam's voice was harsh and I could hear the undercurrent of pain in it when she answered.

"No," I replied. "_I_ am answering your _other_ kind of call. Are you alright?" I felt Pam's brief moment of surprise that I was the one on the phone and then her immediate relief.

"As alright as I can be after having _my flesh stripped from my body_," Pam growled. "But Dr. Ludwig assures me the treatment will at least keep me from getting worse. But, Eric, that's not important right now. _Did Bill call you_?" I could feel Pam's distress through our connection. That Pam's urgency about King Bill outweighed her own pain made my spirits sink. Whatever the news was, it had to be grim.

"It looks like he tried, but we were … otherwise occupied and didn't pick up."

Despite Pam's pain I felt the amusement roll through our connection. "I wondered if that was what I was feeling. You'll have to tell me when the crisis is over what it was like for you to finally fuck your fairy, but for now, you need to get as much silver as you can –"

"What? Silver for what?" I interrupted, confused.

"The witch. She's loose. And Bill thinks she may try to pull another suicide by sunlight spell, just like Logroño."

Pam said the last bit as if I was supposed to know what she was talking about, but that particular piece of general information wasn't in my head. "Uh, what happened at Logroño?"

"I am going to _kill _that fucking witch for what she did to you," Pam hissed with frustration. "Four hundred years ago, a witch in Logroño, Spain, cast a spell that made all the vampires in the region rise during their day rest and meet the sun. It was a fucking vampire _genocide._"

Well, fuck. "And King Bill thinks this new witch may do the same thing?"

"He's concerned enough about the possibility that he has ordered all vampires to leave the state if possible, and those who can't are expected to go to ground in silver for the day to prevent our walking into the sun." Pam groaned, obviously still in pain from whatever treatment the doctor had ordered. I winced; going to ground in silver on top of that was not going to be easy or pleasant for Pam.

"Do you have someone to assist you?" I asked.

"Ginger is here. She will take care of me. _You _worry about _yourself._ I suspect Sookie doesn't keep silver on hand, so you may need to go to Bill." Pam paused for a second before continuing. "When he called to give me instructions, I asked if he was going to arrest you again. He said he had no plans to do so at this point, so I think you will be safe approaching him in this. " She snorted. "Of course, he's probably hoping you _will_ end up walking into the sun, which will save him from having to get his own hands dirty. If he put you back in his cells, he'd _have_ to keep you safe. At least until he got another execution warrant from the Authority. Just _be careful_ in dealing with him, Eric."

Filing Pam's advice away, I wished her well before we hung up.

"Eric?" Sookie stood in the doorway of the kitchen, wrapped in a short ice-blue bathrobe. "What's going on?" She was still quite sleepy and I felt her concern. "I woke up and you were gone. It's only five-thirty in the morning and I didn't think you'd need to go back to your cubby just yet."

"Sookie," I said, turning to my confused lover, "Do you have any silver?"

**~*E&S*~**

After Sookie listened to the messages – one of which was from Jason, telling Sookie that he had gone back home after figuring out he wasn't going to turn into a werepanther, a bizarre expectation I couldn't even fathom – she responded to the missed calls from King Bill. He insisted on coming over in person to explain the situation and bring silver, although Sookie, her face flushing hot, asked him to give us a short period to prepare (_i.e., dress_) first.

Sookie had changed into a pair of white shorts, a red cotton sports bra and a thin white cotton top, and I had just pulled on one of my new plaid shirts and a pair of jeans when there was a knock at the door. It wasn't yet six a.m., so we still had an hour and a half before sunrise, but Sookie fairly sprinted to open the door.

I heard her greet the King as I searched fruitlessly for my shoes before remembering they were still in the woods. Given the circumstances, I hoped the King might be willing to forgive my bare feet despite the lack of proper decorum. I padded into the living room and bowed as I acknowledged him. "Your majesty."

"I don't know why you let Eric go," Sookie began joyfully, "I'm not sure I _wanna _know but – I'm glad you did." I felt her genuine gratefulness for my release pour through me. It also struck me that since she had once been the King's human, he might still feel it as well, should any blood bond remained between them. _That _was somewhat awkward – but if Sookie and I became One, all other blood bonds would be eradicated, so I wouldn't face a future of my ruler always knowing what my beloved was feeling. Assuming I had a future after today, that is.

"It appears the reunion was, uh, a happy one?" the King asked politely.

"Yes. Very much so," I said with equal politeness. Given Sookie's elation, I figured there wasn't much point in dissembling, as the King would be able to feel Sookie's responses anyhow. Indeed, he most likely already had, just as Pam had known Sookie and I were now lovers.

"Eric, shush!" Sookie said, and it didn't my quick glance in her direction to realize that she was embarrassed by my frankness. She wasn't embarrassed of _me_, that much I could feel, but she didn't want to rub our changed status in the face of the King. Which was probably just as well; until we were One, I wasn't going to feel entirely secure in my relationship with Sookie. He could still find a way to separate us if he chose to do so.

"Thank you," I concluded, turning my eyes back towards my regent. Appropriate gratitude for his having given me my night with Sookie – even if he was going to haul me off again in future – seemed the most politic choice. His eyes did not meet either mine or Sookie's and it made me wonder exactly what he was hoping to come of this day. I was grateful for Pam's reminder that I needed to tread carefully where William Compton was concerned.

Sookie was staring at the sizeable black velvet bag the king held at his side. "Is that the silver?" she asked. "Bill, I still don't understand how silvering Eric is going to help with some spell."

"Not just Eric, Sookie, _all_ vampires in our area," King Bill said. "Sookie, may we?" He gestured to the living room and Sookie nodded. When we entered the room, the King placed the dark velvet bag on the coffee table and sat in one of the chairs, while Sookie and I took seats side by side on the couch.

Then the King continued. "Eric no doubt does not remember this in his condition, but in 1610, a sorceress named Antonia Gavilán de Logroño in Spain was burned at the stake for her witchcraft. She was a necromancer, Sookie; a witch who could control the dead through magic. As she was being burned on the stake, she worked a powerful spell that forced all the vampires within 20 miles to rise from their day sleep and walk into the sun. They all burned along with Antonia."

"Why kill all the vampires?" Sookie interrupted. "What did they have to do with this witch being burned at the stake?"

"There would have been vampires among the priests that controlled the Church of that time and place," King Bill explained. "They would not have taken kindly to a necromancer working in their midst. They would have had the witch executed promptly because of her threat to our kind, probably under the guise of protecting other humans from her dark magic."

"So these Shreveport witches are like that Antonia? Necromancers?" Sookie asked.

King Bill sighed. "Sookie, we have reason to believe that the head witch of the coven, a woman named Marnie, has somehow been taken over by the spirit of Antonia Gavilán. I interviewed this Marnie myself and determined that she did not have the power or knowledge necessary to be a threat to vampires. But somehow, while she was waiting to be further examined, the spirit of Antonia appears to have possessed her. The witch was able to influence one of the Sheriffs and use him to kill one of my guards. The witch has not been seen since."

While Sookie had been listening to King Bill, I had seen by her face that she was mentally putting together some conclusion. Even so, I was not expecting it when Sookie stated, "She's a medium. That Marnie woman. It has to be how she could have the spirit of that Spanish witch inside her."

"How do you know this, Sookie?" I asked in surprise. King Bill looked equally astonished.

"I went to her store, Moon Goddess Emporium, to see if I could find anything out," Sookie replied. She reached out and put one hand on my knee. "I thought maybe I could find out something about the spell she put you under," she said. "But I didn't find out much besides that my Gran thought she was dangerous."

"She channeled your grandmother?" King Bill asked.

Sookie flinched internally, but her face didn't reveal whatever it was that bothered her. "Not channeled, exactly, no. Marnie started passing on messages from my Gran to me, but I could actually _hear_ my Gran's voice speaking in her head. When my Gran told me she was a dangerous woman and that I was to run, I did exactly that."

I looked at Sookie. While she was speaking, I had felt an ache in her heart as she remembered the incident. She was holding something back and whatever it was, it was not a good thing. I wasn't going to ask in front of our guest, though.

"You went to Moon Goddess by yourself? Sookie, how could you do something so foolish?" King Bill's jaw was tight.

_Foolish but brave._ And Sookie had done it for my sake? Before we had become lovers? I was deeply touched. I placed my hand on top of the one that rested on my knee and squeezed.

"Bill, never mind that right now. It's done and I was _fine_," Sookie said. I could feel her irritation with his majesty. "So, if Antonia is in Marnie, you think she might try to get all the vampires to walk in the sun? Like she did in 1610?"

"Yes," the King said.

"I can't believe a witch could make vampires _do_ that," Sookie said.

I remembered my first memories in the candlelit witch store in Shreveport: the circle of hostile faces around me, the power that had left the stink of ozone in the air, the abyss of emptiness left inside me after the chanting. "Well, I believe it," I said heavily.

"Of course, it would be safest if Eric were to come with me, but the choice is his." The King looked at me, waiting for my decision.

If I left with the King, I might be safer – for a while. But who knew what he would decide to do with me once circumstances had changed? And if I _was_ facing the True Death when the sun rose in a few hours, I'd much rather spend my last hours with Sookie than a bunch of strangers in the royal mansion.

"I'm not leaving," I said, rubbing the back of Sookie's hand with my thumb. I felt a small knot of tension in Sookie relax.

The King nodded. "I thought not. I'll leave you with this then." Reaching for the black velvet bag he had brought with him, he dumped out a large pile of silver chains, all of a heavy gauge, onto the coffee table between us.

"_Are you kidding me?_" Sookie burst out. I could feel her horror as she regarded the quantity of silver the King found necessary to subdue me. Remembering the discomfort that mere handcuffs had caused, I was regarding the pile of links with trepidation.

"If we do not chain ourselves, then we will all meet the sun together. I am going home where Jessica and I will do the very same thing," said the King. He rose to leave, looking at Sookie as he added, "If you care anything for him, you will do this. Or it'll be his last day on earth."

In the hallway, the King had final instructions for Sookie. "When you place the chains on him, I suggest you lay them across his ankles, across his waist and wrists, and then on the throat. It should be sufficient to hold him but will limit the number of silver burns if not the severity."

Sookie shuddered. "Thank you. I think." My lover looked and felt grim.

The king nodded his goodbyes as he left.

The moment the door closed behind him, Sookie came to me and pressed herself against my chest, her arms wrapped tightly around me. I could feel her trembling and I kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry to have brought this burden on you, Sookie," I whispered.

She looked up into my eyes. "Protecting someone I care about is _never_ a burden, Eric."

I pressed my lips to her forehead. "If you put the silver in the bag for me, I'll carry it down. It looks too heavy for you."

Sookie pulled away from me reluctantly and went back to the pile of silver links in the living room. As she worked them bit by bit into the dark bag, I felt her apprehension. When she was done, I bore my chains down into the dark of my cubby.

**~*E&S*~**

I was lying on my bed preparing for my imprisonment when I felt Pam's pain, but I tried to focus on the fact that it meant she was doing what she needed to do to be safe. And then Sookie began to place the silver on me and my progeny's pain became only a faint counterpoint to my own.

Sookie had placed the silver restraints across my ankles and the air was full of the smoke from my burning flesh. I grunted as Sookie continued to lay the heavy links across my waist, pinioning my arms at my sides. Even I had been shocked at how much silver it had taken before I began to feel the weakening effects. The pain was unspeakable and in that moment, I was glad that Sookie and I were not yet bonded in a way that made her share in my suffering.

"I must be pretty strong," I gritted through my extended fangs.

"You're the strongest vampire I know," Sookie responded.

"It's like I've – I've been – drained," I choked out.

"I know," Sookie said before bending to the floor to gather up another length of metal. This would be the worst of all – the links that needed to be placed around my throat. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice full of regret.

I groaned and cursed, closing my eyes for a moment, unable to bear the sight of the silver which Sookie intended to place on my neck. She had the chain looped several times against itself so that it would form a thick collar against my flesh.

"I've lost too many people in my life," Sookie said, her voice choked with emotion and tears beginning to dampen her eyes. "I _can't_ lose you, too."

I felt her reluctance to cause me pain struggle with the need to hurt me in order to protect me. She could so easily have allowed me to take my chances with the unknown power of the spell. I took heart in the knowledge that she loved me enough to fight for me even when the circumstances were hard. "I understand," I said, nodding my agreement for her to add the silver to my neck. I raised my chin to let her easily place the thick coil of links against my bare skin.

I couldn't help but scream at the pain as smoke wafted up from my throat. Sookie suppressed a tearful sniffle and tried to gather her self-control. "It'll be dawn soon," she said. "I hope – no, I'm _sure_ this is enough."

The silver at my neck had drained me to the point I could barely keep my eyes open. My voice was as weak as my body as I tried to ignore the relentless pain. "Will you…please stay with me?"

My bed was not truly designed for two, but Sookie coiled up against me on the narrow space available. She kissed my face tenderly before placing her arm across my chest and putting her head beside mine on my pillow.

Having Sookie beside me comforted me somewhat, but I quickly realized that silence left me too attuned to the feel of the silver melting its way into my skin. I needed to be distracted.

"Normally –I would be pleased – to know I am a strong vampire," I labored to say. "But – I'd give up some strength – to have less silver on me," I feebly joked.

I felt Sookie smile just the tiniest bit. "The only vampires I met that were stronger than you were Godric and Russell Edgington, but they're both gone now. I wonder if that makes you the strongest vampire left in Louisiana?" Her hand absently began to brush my hair from my face.

_Fuck. _

So much had happened so quickly since the king had released me from my would-be execution that I had forgotten all about the news about Russell Edgington.

"Sookie," I grated out. "Russell Edgington — is not dead." I heard her heart leap in her chest. "Pam told me—that King Bill and I did not kill him – but that we imprisoned him. Chained him in silver—and buried him in cement." I was finding it more and more difficult to speak as the poison of the chains pressed down on me.

"W-Why? Why would you do that, Eric?" _Shock. Fear._

"I don't know," I whispered. "I just want you to know the truth— in case he ever escapes." I closed my eyes for a moment, exhausted. I opened then again when I realized what I was feeling from Sookie was _anger_. "I'm sorry, Sookie," I murmured. "I wish I could explain—what I was thinking— but I just don't know."

"Eric, I know _you_ don't remember," Sookie said, her hand stilling on my cheek. "But Bill told me that he had ended both Russell and you that night. I knew he hadn't killed you when you showed up on my doorstep, but it never occurred to me that he might not have killed _Russell_ either."

"King Bill seems to spend a lot of time – trying to kill me," I said with a faint lift of my eyebrow.

"Well, not since that night, I'm sure," Sookie declared with confidence.

I stiffened in surprise. She didn't realize I had nearly been executed just 24 hours before?

She frowned as she felt the tension in my body. "Or _has_ he?" She leaned up on her elbow to look into my barely open eyes at very close range.

"Last night…" I was too weak to go on with the details for a moment. "They stopped my execution. Just barely."

"They who? You mean Bill?" I could hear Sookie's heart pounding at how close I had come to death.

"No…the Authority. Wouldn't give the King permission." I grinned a little. "Lucky for me." I moved my head just the tiniest bit to press my lips against hers very lightly. "If I meet the True Death today, I will die happy because of you."

"No, you won't, Eric Northman," Sookie said sternly. "You be happy if you _live_, not if you die today." I could still feel a hot core of anger from her.

"Why so angry with me, Sookie?" I asked.

She pinched her lips together before beginning to press them in light kisses across my face. "Not you, sweetie," she said. "Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it later, when this is all over."

After we had fallen quiet for a moment – which was allowing Sookie's anger to continue to percolate – I suggested, "You could tell me about Jason thinking he was going to become a werepanther."

Sookie groaned and settled in to tell me the story, her hand resting across my unbeating heart. It proved a good distraction for both of us.

**~*E&S*~**

Being under silver was excruciating. The corrosive metal had burned its way into my flesh wherever it contacted bare skin and I could feel where links had embedded into the angry red furrows they caused. It was best not to move in order to keep the half-buried links from shifting against the raw edges of my wounds. Fortunately, I was too weak to want to move anyhow.

Sookie and I talked off and on, but I was finding myself too exhausted and worn down by pain to think clearly after a while, so I gradually grew less and less responsive. As the agony wore on, I began to wonder why I was making myself suffer like this when there was so little guarantee that it was necessary. Or, if a spell truly _was_ coming, if our preparations would even save me. This could all be a wasted effort.

I hated to think that if I ended up meeting the sun anyhow, my last hours with Sookie would have been spent in such endless pain and helplessness. If I was going to die today, I'd much rather spend it free and enjoying myself with her, not restrained like Prometheus waiting for the eagle to come and eat his liver.

Sookie had stayed curled against me for hours, one hand always touching me, either caressing my face or resting on my chest. As time had gone on, I had sensed her increased discomfort, which she finally confessed was a need to use a bathroom. She had been reluctant to leave me even for the few minutes necessary, but I had insisted once I realized.

My ears had been leaking blood as I fought my need for day sleep and when Sookie rose to go upstairs, I could see my blood had smeared all over the front and sleeves of her shirt where she had nuzzled against me.

While she was gone, I made my decision to broach the subject of not just _lying here_, waiting for my fate.

She had returned quickly, and settled back into her space beside me, her head sharing my pillow, her hand once again resting on me. She felt much more comfortable again.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"It must be past noon by now," Sookie answered.

"The spell hasn't come," I observed, my eyes closed in fatigue. "It may not come at all."

While the thought made me feel as if my suffering might be pointless, I felt Sookie experience a little leap of optimism at my words. "Maybe not," she said hopefully.

I opened my eyes. "Sookie – do you think you could – remove the silver?" I suggested.

She was _shocked_ I would ask. I both felt the emotion and heard it when her heart skipped a beat. "I can't take that chance," Sookie insisted. "There's still a half a day of sunlight left yet. If I let you meet the sun, I'd never forgive myself." Her hand clutched at the fabric of my shirt as if she would hold me back using her own strength if necessary.

Longing to put the anguish behind me, I whispered, "King Bill said the witch is very powerful. So who knows? I – I may meet the sun anyway. I'd rather you didn't remember me – like this." _Weak. Pathetic. Oozing blood. Helpless. _

"There was one other time I saw you under silver," Sookie said, seizing the opportunity to redirect the conversation away from my request. "You were in a church full of people who hated vampires. You said you'd give yourself up in exchange for Godric – and for me." I felt the surge of her love for me. "Didn't sink in at the time, but even then, you were willing to die for me."

I noticed the shift in how she referred to the vampire I was with my memories – not as if I were some other person, 'the real Eric,' but as if she was finally thinking of him as _me._ I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that.

"And still, you didn't love me," I stated, unable to hide the hurt the thought gave me.

"There was all that other stuff that kinda blotted it out for me. I'd rather not think about it." Sookie shook her head as if to clear away the bad memories.

"But you love me now?" I could feel her feelings, but I wanted – no, _needed_ to hear her say it.

She didn't hesitate. Stroking my cheek, she whispered, "Yes. I love you," before touching her lips to mine.

"And I love you," I answered. "If I do not survive today, Sookie, know that I truly loved you." In my intensity, I tried to lean closer to her, heedless for that moment of my chains, and gasped with pain as my silver bindings chafed my wounds.

"Shhh, I believe you," she said, urging me into stillness again.

"I wish – you could feel my feelings for you," I grated out. "Then you wouldn't just _believe_ – you'd _know_."

"I'd love to feel your feelings for me," she said, cupping me cheek as if to soothe me. "Maybe it would be more fun to be an empath than a telepath; at least I wouldn't hear the nasty words that go through people's minds, and I'd always know what they were really feeling, which has to be easier than knowing their thoughts."

I was quiet for a moment. "Will you set me free—so I can show you how much I love you—since you can't feel it?"

Her hazel eyes met my blue ones solemnly. "Eric, I would _love_ to have you show me how much you love me. But it's _because I love you_ that I am _not letting you out of the silver._ I want to keep loving you as long as I can, and I will _fight_ to keep you alive. You hear me?" She kissed me on the mouth this time, with more passion than gentleness, but careful not to disturb my position much. "Even if it means fighting with _you_."

**~*E&S*~**

It was sometime in mid-afternoon when I heard a car approach and then footsteps on the front porch.

"Someone's at your door," I said in a low voice to Sookie.

"Be right back," she assured me, jumping up and hurrying towards the ladder to the upstairs.

As she climbed quickly up the steps, I heard a key turn in the front door and then a male voice call out, "Hello?" The footsteps moved from the dining room towards the living room. "Sookie?"

I heard Sookie's tennis shoes beating across the floor as she ran to greet whoever was here. "Hey. I'm a little busy. What's up?" my lover panted.

"I was gonna come and tell you the good news that I didn't turn into a werepanther after all," said the male voice. "I left a message for you last night but never heard back."

_Jason, Sookie's brother. _

In the distance, I could hear a rushing sound, like a mighty wind.

"Yeah, actually I asked. It doesn't work like that, but it must be a relief," Sookie said rapidly. I could feel her happiness for her brother warring with her anxiety for me.

"It is." I could hear the confusion in Jason's voice. "But what the hell's with the blood?"

The sound of the wind drew closer.

"It's kinda complicated. Eric's under silver and I got a little bit of him on me," Sookie said with increasing urgency.

"_What?"_

Now the rushing window had begun wuthering around the house, and even though I was below ground, far from windows and doors, I felt a hot air current swirl down the shaft towards me, ruffling my hair. I could feel the magic behind it, dark, menacing – and very, _very_ powerful.

As the wind in the cubby rose and began to churn around me, I faintly heard Jason ask Sookie what was happening and her response. "There's a witch spell coming. It's supposed to make all the vampires walk out into the sun."

The spell was not coming; _it was here_.

As the wind howled around my chamber, I felt my body strain—against my will—against the shackles binding me. I couldn't help but scream as the acid-like links cut into my raw flesh and the alien force within me relentlessly tugged against the destructive metal. The white-hot, molten pain and my own screams drowned out whatever Sookie said to her brother until I heard her shout, "Go on! I'll be fine!" Within moments she was back down in the cubby with me, and had jumped up onto my bed.

The sun. _The sun._ I could think of nothing else, _want _nothing else, and as Sookie put both hands on my chest and leaned her full weight onto me to hold me down, I couldn't help but shout my need to her. She needed to free me, _now!_ "To the sun! The sun!" I bellowed in frustration and pain. "_Sun!"_

"_No!_ Eric, please! Hold on!" Sookie yelled into my face as the magical wind whipped her hair wildly.

"Take off the chains. _Take them off!_" I demanded, my fangs fully out, as I struggled against my bonds.

"Listen to me! You'll die if you go out there!" Sookie tried to reason with me.

"I don't care!" I roared at her. " _I. Don't. Care!_"

"Well, _I. Do!_" Sookie shouted back at me, her eyes filling with tears.

"Sookie! _Let. Me. Go!_" I growled.

"No! I won't let you go! I won't! _I can't!_" She was sobbing now and I could smell the saltiness of her human tears.

"Sookie, _please!_" I strained upwards and I could feel her fighting to maintain her position on me and yet avoid my fangs. I didn't want to hurt her, but I _had_ to reach the sunlight. If only I could find a way to throw her weight off –

And suddenly the roaring wind faded to nothing. Sookie's hair, which had been swirling around her head like a halo, fell down around her tear-streaked face. The cubby grew silent except for the sound of Sookie's weeping.

"Eric?" she whispered, her hands still pressing firmly into my chest.

I stared at Sookie, suddenly aware of my fully erect fangs. Jesus, _had I tried to bite her?_

"Sookie?" I choked out. "Did I hurt you?" I was trying to scan her body for injuries, but I couldn't see anything and the only blood I smelled was my own.

"No! No, you didn't hurt me," Sookie said, biting her lip. "Are _you_ okay?" I felt her concern for me and felt both ashamed and grateful that she could care so much when I had been threatening her with my fangs just moments earlier.

I fell back onto my pillow, aware that my wounds seemed worse. I knew Sookie had stopped me from going to meet the sun, but the memory was hazy and dream-like.

"I think so. Are you _sure_ –I didn't hurt you?" I studied her anxiously as she finally shifted her weight off my chest to kneel on the bed beside me.

"You didn't lay a hand – or a fang – on me," she answered. "I'm _so _glad we had you chained up, though, or I never could have stopped you –" She stopped, her voice choked with emotion, and wiped her eyes with a hand. "Too strong for your own good, you big old Viking."

"You saved me," I whispered. "Thank you, Sookie."

"I love you," she replied. "I love you, Eric. And you've saved me, before, too." She bent down and kissed me. I felt her love flow towards me and despite the escalated pain of my deepened wounds, I felt calmer.

"It may not be over," I said with regret. "I should stay chained up."

"You bet you will," Sookie said firmly. "Eric, do you think you'd be okay if I ran upstairs and grabbed something out of the fridge? I just realized I haven't eaten since yesterday and if I have to try to hold you down again, I don't want to fail just because I've been stupid and didn't eat anything."

"It's fine. I think – I need to rest," I said, closing my eyes.

"I will be back lickety-split," Sookie said, giving me a quick kiss before scrambling up the ladder again.

I had actually dozed off for a bit when she came back, smelling of peanut butter and bananas. As she snuggled in beside me again, I opened my eyes. Even the little bit of rest had done me good; I felt less worn out. "You're not afraid to be so close after what happened before?" I asked with surprise.

"Of course not." She kissed my cheek. "Even when you were shouting at me and showing those big fangs of yours, I felt like you weren't going to hurt me to get what you wanted. I can _trust _you, Eric. I know it."

"I love you, Sookie."

"I know," she said, soothingly. "Why don't you try to get some rest, sweetie?"

"In a bit," I replied. "I just want to be awake with you for a while longer." I closed my eyes. "Maybe you can tell me more about Jason. Have I ever met him?"

"Well –" She drew the word out as if considering what to say.

I opened an eye to see if there any clues to why I felt hesitancy from her. Had I had a bad relationship with her brother? Had I done something to him as I had to the mysterious Lafayette?

"You met him when he was using V," she finally confessed. "Although he hasn't done that in a long, _long_ time. At least, not as far as I know."

Sookie's brother had used _vampire blood_? That was a very serious crime.

"Did I – torture him?" I asked reluctantly, but I knew that V use and distribution merited very harsh punishment under vampire law.

"No! No, you never did anything like that," Sookie replied. "You just had a little talk with him and I think he had enough bad experiences with it that it made him quit." She was quiet for a moment. "Eric, can I ask you something about you all's blood?"

"Of course, Sookie." I was starting to get sleepy at last. It was very comforting to have Sookie curled up against me.

"Jason once told me that when he did V with his girlfriend, they had some kind of shared vision where it was like they could see things and feel things together. How is that possible?" She tilted her head up to look at my face. "I mean, I understand how drugs can make a person high, but how can they make two people have a shared experience like that?"

"Our blood is magic, Sookie." I looked into her hazel eyes. "I mean that literally. When humans take vampire blood into their bodies, they are ingesting magic. If people take vampire blood together, that magic can take them places."

"Real places?" Sookie put her head back on the pillow, listening to me.

"Yes and no," I answered. "Not physical places, no. But astral places, mystical planes. It's more than just imagination. It's magic." I fell silent again.

"No wonder y'all are so protective of it." Sookie began stroking my chest. "I thought that was just because it can heal people and you wouldn't want people to try to – I dunno – drain you all in the service of medicine or something." Sookie's hand stilled as a yawn caught her unaware. "Do you think it would be safe if we slept a bit? I think the night and day are finally catching up to me."

"I'll go to sleep if you give me a good day kiss," I said with a little smile.

Sookie chuckled, but she leaned up and delicately gave me a more thorough kiss than I had been expecting, before settling herself back into the curve of my body. "Good day, Eric," she said softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And we both drifted off.


	10. Blóðfesta

**Chapter 10:**_**Blóðfesta**_

Despite my lack of satisfying rest, I woke up with the sunset. Sookie was breathing quietly beside me. As much as I enjoyed listening to her sleep, I desperately wanted to be released from my silver bonds now that the threat of the sun spell was past. I could not begin healing until the irritating metal was pried away from my skin.

"Sookie."

She stirred and slipped an arm further around me as if to snuggle in more deeply. She was exhausted.

"Sookie." I spoke louder and this time, she startled awake.

Her first feelings were confusion and fear, but she quickly oriented herself. "Has the sun set?"

"A few moments ago."

She leaned up on her elbow and I could see that the faux fur of my pillow had left a pattern of tiny hatch marks across her cheek. "So we can get that silver off of you so you can start to heal?"

"I think so, yes."

"Thank God," she said fervently, giving me a quick kiss and then rolling up off the bed. She went to the foot of my bed and began with the lengths of chain that lay across my ankles, carefully pulling them up and away from where they had fused with my flesh, removing them link by link.

I screamed. The only good thing to be said about it was that the silver itself had been continuously tortuous; its removal was excruciating, but as soon as the silver was no longer in contact with my flesh, the burns felt better. I tried to suppress my moans of pain for Sookie's sake, but every now and again, she removed a particularly deeply buried link and I couldn't help but shout with the pain of it.

By the time Sookie had moved to the lengths across my waist and wrists, she was shaking with horror. She pulled these chains away even more slowly and delicately as a result and I realized to my dismay that her gingerly technique was making the pain _worse._ As she dragged bloodied links out of my stomach, I gritted my teeth but couldn't help but roar and moan at the slow, painful progress.

By the time she got to the links on my throat, I knew had to say something or risk passing out from the drawn-out pain. I expected it to hurt like a motherfucker no matter how the silver was removed, but a quick, hard jerk would be best. Sookie had braced herself with one hand on my chest and the other on the last remaining bundle of silver when I urged her, "Yank it off – it's better."

I felt her confusion and anxiety. "Oh...won't it…pull some of _you _off with it?" Her brow was wrinkled with concern.

"Yeah, well, that's okay," I reassured her in a low voice, closing my eyes so I couldn't see to anticipate her motion. Some things hurt worse when you can see them coming. "It doesn't hurt as much as the silver. And it heals faster," I explained. I lifted my chin slightly so that she could pull freely.

For all my calm preparation, I still wasn't ready for the blazing agony when Sookie ripped the silver from my throat. "_Helvetes jävla fan_!" I roared in agony. Realizing Sookie had hoped for a less intense reaction, I gasped, "Thank – thank you," to reassure her she had done the right thing by me.

Sookie had recoiled when I cursed, clenching her hands upright in fists as if fearful of touching me again. "But – _you said it would heal faster_!" she burst out, dismayed.

I groaned at the pain. Because of my age, I had expected my wounds to begin healing rapidly as soon as the irritant of the silver was removed, but I could still feel the weeping, red burns across my neck. Lack of rest might slow the process down, as would failure to feed.

_Oh. _

I hadn't fed from Sookie while we made love, nor had the King fed me while I was in custody. Counting back, it had been three and a half days since I last consumed any blood. Certainly I could _survive _for a long time without feeding, but _healing_ required the energy that feeding gave me.

"Yeah," I grunted in discomfort. "I'm just realizing I haven't fed since…"

"Since my fairy godmother?" Sookie interrupted.

"Right," I murmured in acknowledgement. I braced myself to sit up; every movement seemed to rub the open edges of my wounds against one another. I managed to prop myself up, elbows behind me, but I couldn't go any further for the moment. Not only was I in a great deal of pain, I was exhausted from the long ordeal. How the fuck was I going to feed in this condition? I doubted I was going to be able to get up the ladder to the living room, much less go out and hunt something.

Sookie leaned over and stroked my arm. "You want a Tru-Blood?" she suggested.

Tru-Blood, for all its touted "basic nutritional value" for vampires, not only tasted like crap, it lacked the essential magical component – _the sacred life force_ – necessary for anything but mere sustenance. I needed _real blood_ to heal; unfortunately for me, the only real blood in the vicinity was in my lover, from whom I had sworn not to drink. I had kept that promise even during lovemaking, an effort even I considered heroic but a demonstration of my love for Sookie. I was not about to break my vow just because of a little pain.

Okay, maybe a _lot _of pain.

"Oh, no. Tru-Blood isn't gonna help with this." I closed my eyes; as strong as my commitment to my vow was, I didn't want to test my will unnecessarily. Not only did it seem foolish to torture myself by staring at Sookie's untouchable neck, but I was afraid she might see the longing in my eyes. No, the only alternative was to see if sleep helped me to heal, albeit more slowly. "I just need a rest." I edged back onto my pillow, fighting through the pain.

"You need to _feed_." Sookie stated very matter-of-factly.

I turned my head away from her, eyes closed to minimize the temptation. "There is no one," I said, as much to remind myself of my promise as to point out the reality to her.

"There's _me_." I could feel her love for me pulsing behind the suggestion.

The only thing that would press the limits of my self-control: Sookie willingly offering her blood to me, giving it to me in love. Her fairy blood would be alluring to any vampire, but few humans realize that the flavor of blood is subtly influenced by the emotions of the donor. Sookie's blood, enhanced by her love for me, could only be exquisite.

If I had a functioning heart, it would have skipped a beat.

Although I could feel the sincerity behind her offer, I opened my eyes and turned back towards her to verify her emotions. I studied her hazel eyes, but I saw no hesitation, no fear. "_Please_ don't say this if you don't mean it," I croaked. I didn't think I could stand the disappointment if she offered so much and then didn't carry through with it.

Sookie's expression was resolute. "I do mean it."

Sookie was offering her blood to me _voluntarily._

Sookie who _loved me_.

Not only were Sookie's feelings going to enhance the taste of her blood, but her offer opened up a possibility I hadn't even dared hope for. If she accepted my blood in return – accepted _me _– we would be One. And it was happening _now_.

My mouth was actually dry with expectation. I licked my lips.

Sookie brushed her hair away from her neck, instructing me, "Now, you know my blood's special, like…"

"…like the fairy goddess," I finished for her. I remembered the mouthwatering taste of the fairy, but that wasn't what was important now. It was the meaning of the act.

"Just a fraction of that, and I'm _trusting you_ not to lose control," Sookie said firmly.

"Take something silver, hold it in your hand, and silver me should I do anything unwanted," I suggested. I hoped I would not; I would make my best effort. But I was honestly so excited that I wasn't sure _I _trusted myself to maintain full control.

Sookie leaned down beside my bed, picked up a length of silver chain and then wrapped it around her fist. As I watched her wind the links around her hand until they formed a thick shield of silver, I was determined that she would have no cause to use the corrosive metal on me.

"I'm trusting you, Eric." Sookie held up her silvered fist to me, but I felt no fear from her. Despite the proximity of the silver, I couldn't take my eyes off the pulse beating beneath the tanned skin of Sookie's throat.

"I won't betray you," I promised. "_Ever_."

"I may remind you of that someday," Sookie said with a smile. Placing her silvered hand against the downturned collar of my shirt, careful not to let the links brush against any exposed skin, she gracefully swept her hair behind her head and bared the side of her neck to me. As she leaned in closer to me, I took my time inhaling her scent, savoring the enticing perfume of her blood. After brushing my lips along the edge of her lovely jaw, I popped my fangs with calm deliberation, determined to maintain my self-control despite Sookie's heady aroma.

My eyes closed in order to focus on every sensation I was experiencing, I slipped my fangs into her neck as delicately as I could. Sookie gasped and flinched, but I could feel that she was more startled at the intimate pressure of my mouth against her sensitive skin than in pain. As my lips and tongue began to move at her neck, I could feel her surprised pleasure.

The moment the drops of her blood hit my tongue, I was hard. _Intoxicating. Delectable. Exhilarating._ No words in any language could do justice to the wonder that was Sookie's fairy-enhanced blood, especially when flavored with her feelings for me. I wrinkled my brow as the sweet and salty elixir filled my mouth, and with a passionate groan, I slid my right hand up her back and slipped my fingers into the tumble of her blonde hair. I could feel my wounds close and my flesh knit together as I nuzzled at her throat, gulping and sucking, and when I felt a flicker of anxiety from Sookie, I slipped my hand forward along her delicate jawline in order to comfort and reassure her.

The taste of her was fucking _amazing_, and I clutched at her hair again as I drew more deeply on the bite, greedy to have _more._ Sookie began to whimper, her fear at my intensity escalating to the point that it overwhelmed her erotic pleasure, so with one last gluttonous swallow of her nectar-like blood, I pulled away abruptly. My feeding had lasted only a few seconds, so I was not truly satisfied, but I would not hurt her, especially not in_ this. _

I growled in frustration, my cock hard, my fangs full erect, wishing I could have more of Sookie's blood, but knowing that it was not possible without harming or frightening her.

What _was_ possible, however, was to offer her _my_ blood – to offer her _me_. _All of me_.

Sookie's eyes were wide with uncertainty even as I pulled away and I saw her gulp as if she was afraid I would suddenly latch onto her throat again and drink her dry, as I had the full-blooded fairy. If we were One, she would know my intent and lose that fear.

I let go of her silky hair and I could feel the tingle of Sookie's curiosity as she watched me bring my hand slowly to my mouth. My eyes never leaving hers, I bit into my palm, my fangs leaving two deep puncture wounds that began to bleed freely.

I held out my hand in invitation.

Sookie stuttered with confusion. "But I'm – I'm not injured."

"We will be One," I explained. No longer would the bond between us flow only one way; she would know my feelings as intimately as I knew hers, and the shared love between us would grow stronger, fed by our united cores. Our bond would be the deepest kind known between a vampire and another being, deeper even that that between Maker and progeny.

Sookie stared at me and I felt her emotions churn_. Confusion. Curiosity. Love._ _Desire._ And then, what I had longed for: _trust_. She tucked her hair behind her ears and, her eyes fixed on mine, she pulled my hand to her mouth and began to drink. I was transfixed as I watched her lips and tongue suckle at the twin wounds in my palm, the visual making the sensation of her soft mouth against my flesh doubly erotic. Sookie's eyes closed in languorous pleasure as she consumed me, and as I felt my essence begin to swirl through her system, I groaned with enjoyment.

As the wounds in my hand began to close, Sookie lapped at the sensitive marks, licking them clean. Not only was the sensation of Sookie's warm tongue against my palm intensely arousing, but I could feel our blood moving in one another's bodies, weaving the magic of our bond between us, and as Sookie and I became One, I shuddered in a spontaneous orgasm against the fabric of my jeans.

Sookie's eyes fluttered open in surprise as she sensed my climax through our emotional connection and I could feel her bewilderment at what she had just experienced. Ecstatic to realize that she was _finally_ feeling my emotions as I had hers since we met, I pulled my hand away and instead explored her blood-stained mouth with my own, tasting the intoxicating mix of our unique flavors together.

As I fell back onto the bed, I pulled Sookie with me, and her silvered hand shifted and brushed against my bare skin. We both gasped at the sudden pain, my experience a direct one and Sookie's a reflection of my own through the bond. "Eric! I'm sorry!" she blurted, jerking her hand away to hastily untangle the silver and toss it to the floor.

"It's okay," I said with a breathless laugh. "Look, healing already," I whispered before pulling her for another deep kiss. That I had felt her feel my pain made me dizzy with ecstasy. We were One, truly.

"Does exchanging blood with a human always feel like this?" Sookie said, pulling her mouth away from mine, her eyes heavy-lidded with desire for me.

"No…This is special. It requires that both share their blood willingly and that there already be love between the two, or the magic doesn't happen." I brushed her hair away from her face, studying her beauty. "God, you are _so_ beautiful."

"So are you," Sookie whispered in return, blushing.

"I want to make love to you," I said. It had been amazing before; I couldn't even imagine how it would be with our new connection.

Sookie laughed. "Uh, I think we might want to clean up a bit before that, sweetie." She ran her hands through my hair and pressed a kiss against my temple. "I want you, too, but I at least need to get out of these nasty clothes. Come on." Sookie sat back up and tugged at my hand. "Let's get upstairs and do this _right_."

Once we were on the main level of the house, I started to go up the stairs to Sookie's room, but she pulled me in a different direction. "No, Eric! Let's use the guest room downstairs." She glanced sideways at me with a smile. "The bed's bigger and you'll be more comfortable."

The bed in the downstairs bedroom was considerably larger than Sookie's own, and there was an attached bathroom with a shower, just as there was upstairs. We helped each other undress, pausing along the way to scatter caresses and kisses on one another's skin. Sookie curiously brushed her fingers across my neck and wrists where the marks of the silvering had been until I took her blood. "How is it healed so fast, Eric?" she asked. "You took so little blood from me." She frowned a little as if puzzled as she peered closely at the unblemished skin of my throat before pressing her lips to the hollow there.

I shrugged. "I don't know; I suppose it must be your fairy blood. Or maybe it's a side effect of the blood exchange." I stroked her cheek with one finger, tracing the curve until lightly brushing my fingertip over her lips. "Thank you for giving yourself to me, Sookie," I said. "I'll make sure you never regret it." I could feel as she experienced my joy and gratitude and felt her own trust and pleasure in return.

"Let's get that shower so I can _really_ give myself to you," Sookie said with a saucy grin.

"I'm just going to get you all dirty again," I teased. I pulled her close and kissed her, running my hands along her tanned flesh. I could feel that, just like me, she was beginning to float on the waves of emotion that were flowing around and between us through the bond, but she stepped into the tub and tugged at me to join her, intent on having her way. My eternally stubborn Sookie. I smiled, buoyed by the swelling bliss rising inside us.

As I joined her in the shower, I realized that I could detect a faint, pearly glow from Sookie, and then noticed that I, too, was emanating a similar light from my skin. As we moved closer together, the light from both our bodies brightened, flared and then merged into one, forming a single halo of radiance around us. Not only could I see a myriad of colors rippling in the aurora of light surrounding us, I felt as if each unique color had a scent, a sound, a taste, even an _emotion_ attached to it.

"Wow," I breathed, astonished at the kaleidoscope of colors and sensations shimmering around us. Sookie's hands ran over my bare shoulders and then slid up to my face, which she was studying with an expression of wonder. I could feel her awe, although it wasn't clear to me exactly what she was responding to.

"It's a miracle," Sookie whispered. Her hands drifted across my chest and along my jawline, but her rapt regard never left my face.

"What is?" I asked as I twisted a silky lock of her hair in my fingers. I was astonished to realize I could _feel _the sunshine that had lightened the fair strands, a pleasant sensation of heat and comfort.

"You. Your blood." Her low voice seemed to be shot through with strands of green and violet light. I smiled as I felt her wonder encircle us. "It's amazing," she murmured.

"So is yours," I responded as I coiled another strand of her hair around my fingers. I could not only feel the sunshine, I could _see_ the honeysuckle scent of her shampoo, throwing off its own signature sparks. As I pulled the length of silky hair through my fingers, the sparks flickered like sparklers against my skin. _Sunlight and flowers_. It was if I was experiencing them just by touching Sookie's hair.

As we explored each other with our hands, the emotions and sensations swelled gently around and through us. Instinctively, we began to kiss as if the point where our mouths met served as an anchor point against the sensory onslaught.

_Synesthesia. _Both of us had stopped trying to make sense of it logically; we were just letting the magic flow through us.

Remembering our original intent in getting into the tub, Sookie turned in my arms and as I kissed the back of her neck, she casually turned the handle for the shower.

I had been so intent on what my lips were doing to Sookie's skin that I didn't realize until she called my attention to it: instead of water, a fine spray of snowflakes began to drift down around us. "It's snowing!" Sookie laughed with amazement; snow was so rare in this part of the country that I suspected she could count on the fingers of one hand the times she had seen more than a trace of the white stuff.

And there was definitely more than a trace. I drew back the shower curtain to reveal that what had been the guest bedroom now resembled a snow-covered forest lit by moonlight. In the middle of a clearing stood a naturalistic looking bed made of knotty Scandinavian wood and covered with soft furs.

Sookie giggled beside me. "Why is there a bed?"

The bigger question was why there was a forest and snow in what had been a bedroom, but somehow, those questions didn't seem important at the moment. I dimly recalled that the book about blood bonds I'd browsed my first night with Sookie had mentioned shared mystical experiences as the _blóðfesta _took hold, but I had only skimmed the entry. I would have to read it more closely at some point.

But right now, I was thinking about naked Sookie standing beside me and a bed covered in fur – a bed large enough to hold both of us comfortably – in front of us.

"I want to make love to you in it," I announced. "_Now._"

"Mmmm, well, only because it might disappear at any minute…" Sookie said with a teasing grin. "Then you'd have to make love to me in the snow."

"I'd make love to you anywhere," I replied as she giggled and ran towards the bed. I followed behind and together we tumbled onto the pillows and furs. I knew this had to be a vision, but I swore I could smell the snow and the pine trees and feel the thick pelts beneath our naked bodies.

Although my rational mind insisted that our forest bower was an illusion, making love to Sookie in that rustic bed seemed like the most real thing I could or would ever experience. As we brought one another to ecstasy time and again, it felt as if not only our bodies but our very souls had become one.

**~*E&S*~**

We lay on the bed, both partially covered by the furs although it wasn't noticeably cold.

"It's still snowing," Sookie observed, looking up the blue sky. As we had made love, the moonlight had gradually evolved into sunshine, almost as if the motion of our united bodies had created the stronger light.

I smiled as I felt tiny crystals of snow land on my bare body. "Feels good, doesn't it? When it melts on your skin." I added _snow_ to my mental list of things I loved.

Sookie shifted. "But there aren't any clouds. And I can feel the sun on my face. How is that possible?"

I smiled. "Because _anything_ is possible for us. Together, we're invincible." I turned my body towards her. "Whatever it is that someone else thinks we're supposed to do, supposed to _be_ –" I shook my head. Even if that someone else was _me._ "—Now that we're together, we can make our own reality. We'll be strong enough." I reached out to trace the curve of Sookie's cheek. The synesthetic sensations had begun to fade and I could only enjoy the singular feeling of my fingertips grazing her soft skin. It seemed very simple after what had gone before, but it was enough.

"I've never felt like this before," Sookie said. "I know vampire blood can make you feel more, _sense _more, but I never knew it could do _this._" She turned her head to meet my eyes. "I feel so…good. So peaceful…so loved…And _you_…" She smiled. "I feel like I can see into the very depths of your _soul_, Eric Northman. And I like what I see there."

For that moment, it was as if my worries about my past, my choices, who I _was_, had faded away into nothing. I felt Sookie's love for me and _knew_ she felt mine for her; and now that we were One, we could face anything together.

"I'm glad," I answered, gazing steadily into her hazel eyes. "Because my soul is yours now, Sookie. All. Of. Me." I caressed her lips with my thumb. "_I. Am. Yours._"

I pulled her into another kiss and began to make love to her again.

**~*E&S*~**

We had fallen asleep under the fur blankets, Sookie snuggled tightly against me. When I opened my eyes, I saw that our vision had faded – we were lying on the large bed in the downstairs bedroom. The covers were mussed, but we were still on top of them.

The shower was running. Shit.

Although I tried not to wake Sookie when I got up, I felt her come into the bathroom as I was turning the water off. While the sensations were not as intense as they had been during our shared vision, her approach brought with it warmth, joy and great pleasure. I shivered as the swell of emotions rushed over me. _So satisfying._

"Eric?"

"The shower was still on," I explained. "No damage to the floor or anything else though," I answered in reply to her sudden unspoken anxiety.

"We never did get cleaned up before walking through that shower curtain into Narnia," Sookie snorted. "Are you up still up for a shower before bed?"

"So long as I get to scrub you clean," I grinned.

"Well, you do have those talented fingers," she said pensively.

I turned the water back and on and pulled her into the shower.

We were both immaculate when we finally went back to bed and slipped together under the crisp sheets of the bed. As we fell asleep together following some doting good night kisses, I felt the new bond settle comfortably within us, wrapping us both in happiness and satisfaction.

**~*E&S*~**

"Eric Northman, _venite ad me. Ego te voco._"

Sookie was lying beside me, nuzzled into her pillow, sleeping deeply.

Too deeply.

"Eric Northman, _venite ad me. Ego te voco._"

The voice was coming from the front porch of our house. I felt my limbs stir and I began to rise, my motions strangely smooth given that _I was not in control of them_.

"Eric Northman, _venite ad me. Ego te voco._"

Sookie never moved as I left our bed and I dimly realized that our connection felt uncomfortably heavy and still on her end, as if she were submerged beneath a thick layer of something that smothered her consciousness, leaving her unaware of what was happening to me. I felt a jolt of fear for whatever was being done to her as well as relief that she was evidently not being compelled to follow me into danger, but even those thoughts began to slip away from me as I left the bedroom.

I could smell the stink of the magic in the air as my feet led me down the hallway to the front foyer of the house. I struggled weakly against it, but I was a prisoner in my own body, far more bound by whatever was controlling me than when I had been under silver.

I unlocked the front door and threw it open. The person on the other side hastily drew back, only to come forward again when I stood silent and unmoving on the threshold.

"Fuck! He's _naked._" Sookie's friend Tara stood under the porch light, a chestnut-haired woman standing half in shadow behind her. Tara had a light-weight silver chain draped around her neck. "Fucking vampires. I do _not_ want his bare-naked ass riding in my car. Can't you make him put some clothes on before we take him?"

The chestnut-haired woman made a motion with her hand. "_Vestio! Cito!"_

I obeyed. I had no choice. I was still conscious of my actions as I hurriedly dressed, but it was as if I were a mere passenger in my own mind, observing my actions passively. I could feel my hard-won sense of _me_ slipping away as the control of the witch tightened on my body.

As the two women led me to a car and drove me off into the night, I could feel the bond with Sookie stretch out between us, the only lifeline I had to what remained of my own soul.

**A/N: Yes, I made up a word, and in Old Norse, too. **_**Blóðfesta **_**("blood fast" or "blood marriage") is related to the Old English term **_**hand·fast**_**, an archaic term for "A handclasp used to signify a pledge, such as a contract or marriage." Check out the history of "handfast"****: "****From Middle English ****hondfast****, past participle of ****hondfesten****, **_**to betroth**_**, from Old Norse ****handfesta****, **_**to strike a bargain, pledge**_** : ****hönd****, **_**hand**_**festa****, **_**to fasten, fix, affirm**_**; see ****past-**** in Indo-European roots."**

_**Synesthesia**_**, however, is a real word, not one I made up. It is defined as:**__**"A condition in which one type of stimulation evokes the sensation of another, as when the hearing of a sound produces the visualization of a color."**

"_**Venite ad me. Ego te voco**__**"**_** = "Come to me. I call you." With the help of treewitch703, who knows people who know non-Google Translate Latin! **


	11. Sic Semper Tyrannis

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, favorited and reviewed this story and the first part of the series, **_**She's Not There**_**. If you like it, please leave a review! It's so lovely to get feedback. Special thanks to my regular reviewers who keep me encouraged in working on this, especially as I venture into my own turf away from strict canon. You inspire me, truly. What a great bunch of Sooric lovers you are! XOXOXOXOXOX**

**Chapter 11: Sic Semper Tyrannis**

They put me in a closet.

Granted, it was a walk-in closet, but it was still a fucking _closet._

I was having a tremendously hard time staying focused on what was happening to my body; everything seemed distorted and distant, and yet I was still dimly aware of what was occurring around me. Riding through the night in the car; arriving at a low, flat mobile home; being met by a small knot of people, including a short, bearded man who invited me in so that I could cross the threshold. The group gleefully shepherding me towards the closet off what had to be the master bedroom.

When they had thrown the door open, a light had come on and I had seen another figure standing silently inside the cubicle, light hair pulled back into a ponytail and dressed in a casual tracksuit.

Everything inside me was muted, but I could still feel the faint echo of Pam's terror and helplessness. And, oh, yes, her _fury_. It was a good thing for the witches that my progeny was unable to move or they would have been reduced to a mound of disarticulated body parts.

"Jesus fucking Christ," grunted the dark woman (_Tara, Sookie's friend Tara_), waving a hand in front of her face and stepping backwards. "Antonia, she stinks to high heaven. I am down with the justice of the spell you threw at her and all, but if we have to have her here, can we do something about that reek? I do not want to spend the next 24 hours smelling a dead body."

The chestnut-haired witch (_Antonia_, I filed away) stepped closer and studied Pam. "I cannot scent her," she said with a hint of a Spanish accent. "But for your sakes' I will restore her to her _unnatural _self. She will be gone from this world altogether soon enough." The woman raised her hands in some mystical mudra position and began to speak in Latin. Even within the confines of the small room, I could feel gusts of air begin to circle around our bodies and a green light began to crawl slowly and steadily around Pam's form until she was enveloped. As I saw the damaged areas of her face begin to transform into her previous beauty, I felt a rush of relief flow from her through our bond.

The wind and the light died together and the sorceress dropped her hands. "Better?" she asked the huddle of humans in the doorway.

"Wait!" The bearded man left for a few moments and then returned with a spray bottle of some kind and proceeded to puff its scented contents around the tiny space. "Sorry. I just want to be sure she didn't permanently stink up my stuff. A little Febreze ought to fix it, though." He squirted the spray a few more times. "Yeah, that's better."

"Then we must plan for tomorrow," Antonia said, turning as if to leave.

"But shouldn't we have someone stand guard over them?" Tara asked, frowning.

The witch cocked her head. "Do you not have faith in my power? We have brought two _strong_ vampires to this home with almost no effort. They are bound to my will now. They can harm no one unless they do it at _my _order."

Tara still looked uncertain. "But what if someone else comes looking for them?"

"No vampires can enter this human home without Roy's permission," Antonia replied. "We have nothing to fear here. We are much safer than we would have been at the magic shop."

"Wasn't vampires I was thinking about," Tara muttered beneath her breath.

The necromancer shrugged slightly. "If you are so concerned, then _you _may spend the night here in the bedroom guarding the door."

Tara looked at Pam and me and raised her chin defiantly. "Fine." She pulled out a small gun from the pocket of her jacket. "Although if either of them gives me an excuse to use these wooden bullets, I'm going to do it, to hell with whatever you got planned for tomorrow."

"Fair enough. But only in _extreme_ circumstances. We need at least one of them to survive until the event tomorrow night," Antonia replied before gesturing for the others to follow her.

Tara stood in the doorway of the closet looking at Pam and me as we remained motionless, trapped by the spell of the necromancer. "If you weren't both fucking psychopathic killers, I'd almost feel sorry for y'all," she finally said. "How does it feel to not be in control for a change, huh? Bet you're enjoying it as much as we humans do, you motherfuckers." She spit very deliberately into Pam's face and then mine. "Enjoy what I hope is your last night on this earth, you fucking monsters." She flipped the light switch off and plunged Pam and I into the dark.

And through our bond, I could feel that if Pam survived this situation, she was going to _kill_ Sookie's friend Tara in as painful and horrible a way as she could contrive.

**~*E&S*~**

In another room of the house, I could hear the witches planning. The conversation came to my vampire hearing like fragments of a dream and I kept finding myself losing the thread of the conversation as if my short-term memory was not working correctly. Nonetheless, I was able to piece together the rough outline of the coven's plan. Pam and I were to be used to _show what vampires are really like._ We were to kill the King and some female vampire at a public event, preferably in as gory and shocking a way as possible. It would _make the news_ and people would _see the truth._

When one of the witches had asked if humans might be killed or injured, the doublewide trailer owner, Roy, had protested that anyone at this "Tolerance Rally" would be a vampire collaborator and consequently fair game. I suspected the silence that followed this pronouncement meant that not all the witches agreed with that callous assessment, but I didn't hear any of them protest or leave the house, either.

Perhaps it was my spell-fuzzed thinking, but I didn't understand how vampires killing vampires was supposed to do anything but create transitory fear in any human witnesses. Surely vampire-on-vampire brutality would be seen as a way for our own kind to reduce our numbers without the humans even having to exert any effort. We'd be doing any eradication work for them.

The only way a vampire on vampire attack would make any strategic sense was if collateral damage (i.e., _dead humans_) gave the world the excuse to imprison or kill us all. To make the witches' point about the danger we presented, we would _have_ to kill humans.

Perhaps the witches were too naïve to have thought of that, or some had and – like Roy – just didn't care. Possibly some of them were even under Antonia's influence and thinking no more clearly than I was.

The coven's plot seemed rather pointless to me. And yet I was probably going to die for this foolishness, if not at the hands of the King's guards, then at the hands of the Authority, who I imagine would not appreciate unauthorized regicide.

_I was so fucked._

Tara was right. Being stripped of my free will, of my ability to direct my own actions was torture. I wanted nothing more than to be home with Sookie instead of standing here waiting to be used as an automated weapon by the witches in an ultimately meaningless gesture.

As I stood silently in the dark, feeling helpless against my apparent fate, I reached out to feel for Sookie.

_Worry. Fear. Anger. Determination._

Although her emotions were not happy ones, it was pure joy to feel the strength of the newly formed link between us. _My Sookie. Mín blóð__frig__._

My love for her welled up inside me and I tried to direct it towards her despite the magic binding me. If I was going to die in the next 24 hours, I wanted her to _know_ – to _feel _through our mystical tie_ – _how strong my love was for her. My will felt disjointed and weak, like an atrophied muscle, but I concentrated on sending the waves of my emotions, and although they still felt like faint ripples to me, I could feel their delicate vibration along the bond. Too delicate. I could have cried with frustration; as intense as my love for Sookie was, it was as if I could only just barely nudge the feelings in her direction, like feathers that might drift in a wrong direction on the wind at any moment.

As curtailed and disconnected as my feelings seemed to me, they must have been more discernible than I realized, because when Sookie sensed them, her reaction was instantaneous and palpable.

Her love for me rushed back along our tie like a tsunami wave. It was as if upon detecting my tenuous supernatural touch, Sookie had thrown herself at me, grabbed at the thread of my emotions and followed it to embrace me, sending me reassurance and deep, boundless love that suddenly immersed me in a sea of passion and tenderness. It also seemed to amplify my own emotions, strengthening my outflowing energy as well.

At feeling the full power of our connection, something in me relaxed a tiny bit, knowing that at the very least, even if I never saw Sookie again, she would finally have experienced the depth of my love for her first-hand, even if only for a short while. I could face the True Death more easily knowing that my desire for Sookie to _know_ my love was true had finally been satisfied.

Overjoyed as I was at the rush of feelings from Sookie, it took me a few moments to realize that she was now moving towards me in what felt like a steady, deliberate fashion. I felt a flicker of hope as it dawned on me; our _blóðfesta_, much like my maker-progeny bond with Pam, could _lead Sookie to me._

I was torn; wh_i_le I did not want Sookie to put herself into danger, I knew that she had the heart of a warrior and I had to think she would not be willing to give me up without a fight. My instant fear for her safety was tempered by the knowledge that my Sookie, while sometimes courageous to a fault, could also be careful and cautious. I was going to have to trust her not to do anything unnecessarily risky to herself. I hoped she would choose to enlist reinforcements such as the King to liberate Pam and me rather than attempt a rescue on her own.

As I waited for Sookie to locate me, I realized that my mind seemed to clear bit by bit as she drew closer. Somehow, Sookie's increasing nearness was making Antonia's enslavement spell less effective.

As my mind cleared, I became aware that when I had been overwhelmed the bliss of my connection with Sookie, I had also been able to feel Pam's attachment to me react in a kind of domino effect. As my feelings had blossomed, I had felt Pam's own emotions respond, first with _curiosity_ and _confusion_ then a surprising mixture of _disgust_ and _hope_.

With a pang of guilt, I realized that Pam didn't yet know what Sookie and I had done and that she might be…_distressed_ at the change in my relationship with Sookie. I knew that Pam and the old me had been very close and my taking Sookie as my _blóð__frig_– especially given the circumstances – might be hard for her to accept. If we survived the day, I felt I owed my progeny an explanation, even if my feelings for her were not what the other Eric's had been.

By the time I could sense that Sookie was somewhere near the house, I was still physically paralyzed, but the haze over my mind felt considerably lighter. She was somewhere to the east of me, and her feelings were like a beacon. _Relief. Confusion. Wariness. _

I felt her move around the house, but she didn't get any closer and I could feel her increased frustration. Whatever was vexing her, she must have had a sudden idea how to change it because after several minutes, I felt an increasing sense of resolution. And then my Sookie was _inside me_, flooding me with reassurance_. She loved me. She knew where I was. She was going to get help._ These were not thoughts; they were more like emotional impressions: _Love. Found! Helpfulness. Rescue._ It was like a new language, one without words, but Sookie's soul and my soul spoke it intuitively.

I sent her _acknowledgment. _I _knew she was there_ and I _trusted her to come back for me_. She responded with _shock_ that was in turn followed by an emotional reaction that would have made me laugh if I had any control over my body: it could have been translated as, roughly, _Whatthefuck! _

She must have felt my amusement but her own response was not so delighted. My Sookie's first response was _fury_, quickly banked and smothered over by the _need to get help_.

Well, that was unexpected.

I had been ecstatic at realizing the newfound power of our bond, but apparently Sookie was not quite so happy with it. I felt a little pang of disappointment – and felt Sookie feel it as well. _Confusion._ _Whatthefuck,_ a little more subdued this time.

"Did you hear something outside?" It was one of the witches, whispering to Tara. "I swore I heard something. Maybe it's the other vampires!" I didn't need a mystical connection with the woman to hear the terror in her voice.

"My gun has wooden bullets and I know how to use it if is," Tara answered grimly. "I'll go look." I heard her move carefully in the next room, probably to look out a window.

_GoGoGoGoGoGoGoGoGoGo! _I ordered Sookie.

And as my _blóð__frig_ fled from the witches' headquarters – escaping successfully, to judge by her relief – I allowed myself to feel a tiny bit of worry for what her anger had meant. But as Sookie traveled further from me, the clouding aspects of the spell overcame me again and I found myself increasingly confused and dazed, unable to remember in detail what had happened. I was able to cling to one little crumb of certainty: _Sookie was going to try to help me._ I didn't know how or when, but I trusted that it was true.

A few minutes after Tara had determined that nothing seemed to be outside, the closet door opened and reflected moonlight shown into the impromptu prison Pam and I shared. Tara, flanked by the other witch, a timid-looking blonde, peered into the dark at our still forms. As Tara listened to the eerie silence of Pam and I standing immobilized in the gloom, I felt the prickle of Pam's hatred for Sookie's friend.

"Freaky dead motherfuckers," Tara muttered before slamming the door shut, apparently satisfied that we were not the source of whatever had alarmed the other witch. I heard the coven members consult and agree that they should take turns standing guard for the rest of the night, keeping their eyes and ears open for activity in the surrounding woods. That they hadn't been doing that already deepened my sense of doom; I was being sent into battle by fools.

For the rest of the night, I hoped for Sookie's return with reinforcements to give the witches something worth waiting for, but I hoped in vain. I could feel that Sookie was working on a solution, and she seemed to cycle regularly between a range of feelings for me: _Worry. Love. Fear. Hope._ Most troubling of all, _anger_, always quickly suppressed.

When dawn came, I discovered a side effect of the spell I hadn't expected. Despite my age, I no longer had the strength of will to fight the call of day sleep. As soon as the first rays of sunlight rose over the horizon, Pam and I both lapsed quickly into unconsciousness.

**~*E&S*~**

"Who the hell schedules an event with vampires to begin at 7 p.m. when the sun doesn't even set until nearly 6:30?" a female voice was grumbling when I woke. "We're going to be late if they don't wake up soon."

"Better to be late than early," said Tara's voice. "If Bill Compton knows we took them last night and spots them, it'll be over before it starts. Better to be late enough that they are all too caught up with their lame-ass speeches or whatnot to notice us come in."

"According to the app on my phone, the sun just set in Shreveport. We should check on the vampers." Roy's voice was eager.

The closet door opened and a small ring of faces peered in from behind Antonia. Tara, Roy, the blonde and another woman with hennaed hair. I was surprised to see so few; I remembered a large group of intimidating faces when they had cast that first spell that had left me, well, _me. _I wondered why the number in the coven had been reduced; I didn't hear anyone else in the house but this handful of people. Perhaps the others were elsewhere?

"We will prepare these two here. When we are at the event, we will have other work to do. First, the vampiress. _Pamela, come with me,_" Antonia said.

Such a simple command, but I shivered at the magical weight Antonia's voice carried. She could do _anything_ with Pam and me and we would be utterly compelled.

It didn't matter how few of the coven remained, clearly; the power was all inside Antonia.

In the bedroom outside the closet, I heard the witches begin to chant and felt the now-familiar gusts of wind that accompanied Antonia's magic as they rattled the hangers at the sides of the closet. My connection with Pam began to hum with a sort of mystical static; it was still there, but Pam…the signature mix of emotions that I had come to know as _Pam-inside-me_ … had vanished. Instead, I felt only my progeny's single-minded resolution to _kill._

And whatever the witches had done to Pam, I would be next.

_Where was Sookie? _

I felt for my _blóð__frig_ and knew she could feel my desperation. She responded with a powerful wave of _hope_ and _determination_. My Sookie apparently had a plan.

I could also feel her fear, though. And I knew she felt mine when Antonia finally commanded me to come from the closet into the room.

As the witches began to chant, raising the malevolent wind around me, my befuddled mind coalesced and focused on an overwhelming desire_ to kill my King._

**~*E&S*~**

We were a caravan of two vehicles when we finally left the house. I rode with Antonia, Roy and the henna-haired one (_Casey_), who appeared to be the only one of the three witches who had a car and could drive it. (Roy apparently got around by bicycle most of the time.) Pam was taken by Tara and the blonde. As we rode, Antonia gave me further instructions. I was to lure any other vampire I could to the kitchens, where she would be waiting with Roy and Casey. Only then was I to seek out the King and perform my primary mission.

"I assume you are a good strategist, Mr. Northman, or you would not have survived 1,000 years," Antonia said grimly. "You will put your battle skills to use _for me_ fully. I will give you _that_ much freedom of action, but _only in my service._"

"Yes, Antonia," I answered obediently.

We parked behind a large hotel, and as we got out of the vehicles, I felt her. _Sookie was here. _

I could feel my mind clearing again somewhat thanks to _mín blóð__frig_ but I said nothing to Antonia. I was still under the witch's control, but at least I could _think_ for myself a bit more if not _act. _It was as if a tiny piece of _me_ – hopefully undetected by Antonia – remained an island floating amidst the sea that was the witch's will acting in my body.

It was quiet outside the hotel, but I could hear the rumble of a crowd inside and faint sounds of applause. The event had started.

We split up: Tara and the blonde taking Pam; Antonia, Roy and Casey searching out the kitchen, and me vamp-speeding up the outside of the hotel to seek out other vampires for Antonia. As I expected, three vampires were standing guard outside the front doors, a female, a tall, dark-skinned male and a curly-haired blond man. They were all considerably younger than I was, and now that I knew my own strength following the sun spell, I suspected I could easily handle all three of them if they attempted to capture me.

I made sure they saw me. Their reaction was as predicted – they gave chase, although I had to move a bit more slowly than necessary to ensure they kept up with me. I led them inside the hotel, first into the catwalks above a stage where I could see King Bill and an icy-looking blonde vampire seated with a young girl and another young female vampire; and then through an access hallway into the kitchens, easily locatable by the smell of human foods.

Hidden out of sight around a corner beyond a line of ovens were Roy, Antonia and Casey, their combined scents overlaid with the reek of whatever magic they were already working in their little huddle.

I came to an abrupt stop just beyond the edge of the wall where the witches were hidden and turned to face the trio of pursuing vampires. "You have cornered me. I surrender," I announced flatly.

As the witches stepped out of their hiding place, their chants increasing in volume, the three vampires turned in confusion. They didn't have long to process the nature of the trap before it snapped shut on them. Even from behind them, I could see from their postures the moment when Antonia took control of their bodies and they became mere drones, their wills as imprisoned as my own. When the male witch Roy laughed with elation at the vampires' enslavement, the tiny part of my mind that was still outside Antonia's control took grim note and I decided that if I had the chance, this was one witch who would pay when I was myself again.

Maybe the Other Eric wasn't so far from me as I had believed.

"Come, vampires. Let us see what these 'tolerant' humans have to say when they see your true nature," Antonia said, nodding her head towards the kitchen's exits.

We followed like automatons, the witch Roy practically capering in his giddiness.

**~*E&S*~**

As soon as we entered the area of the ballroom where the rally was taking place, I could feel Sookie's physical presence.

We had entered the room on an upper level, along a ring of balconies that ran above the main floor. Across the way on the same level, I could see King Bill's dark-clad human guards, armed with weapons, discreetly standing back from the upper rail and positioned so that the crowd below was less likely to notice them.

I could sense that Pam was beneath us on the ground floor, somewhere close to the stage, which was festooned with streamers and a shiny array of metallic balloons spelling out "TOLERANCE." In a hushed whisper in Latin, Antonia directed the three other vampires towards their mission on the other side of the auditorium while I stood, passive and hidden behind a curtain in a balcony close to the stage, waiting to act on Antonia's order. Antonia, Roy and Casey selected a centrally located balcony to my left from which they could oversee their magical operation, like generals directing their troops.

Sookie's presence drew me like a magnet, and although it was a challenge, as soon as I was alone I pushed the limits of the magical restraints on me to peer from behind the curtain and scan the crowded room for my _blóð__frig_. I found her at the back of the crowd, with two men, one short and dark-skinned and the other of lighter complexion. It was a shock to realize that I could I could _feel _the dark-skinned one inside me as well as Sookie; not as strongly as I felt my _blóð__frig_ or even Pam, but a steady little pulse of fear and determination. _Who the hell was that?_

Sookie felt me as well and I saw her eyes search the balcony where I was trying to hide myself. For a brief moment, our eyes met and I felt the explosion of her feelings. _Joy. Terror. Resolve._ From behind the wall of Antonia's will, I sent out a feeble pulse of _love_ and _regret._ And then I dropped the balcony curtain, unable to sustain my momentarily shifted attention. I felt Antonia's imperative tug impatiently at me again. _I needed to kill William Compton. _

Below us, the blonde female vampire introduced the King, who began speaking about the evils of hatred and intolerance, just as Antonia and her witches began to chant. With a sudden blur of violence, the three vampires across the room struck the row of human snipers on the opposing balcony, disemboweling them at lightning speed and displaying the mutilated bodies at the balcony rail before launching the corpses into the crowd below.

Chaos erupted as panicked humans fled in all directions, screaming with terror and horror, and the three vampires across the way leaped to the main ballroom floor and began to cut a bloody swath through the human crowd. Bodies and parts of bodies were flung out of the way as they made their way towards the scaffolding at the front of the room.

At a signal from Antonia, I leaped over the balcony onto the stage like a vampire John Wilkes Booth, fangs at the ready. King William Compton, his attention focused on the three blood-soaked vampires moving towards him and the others on the platform, didn't notice me until I landed in front of the podium, which I tossed out of my way like an empty cardboard box. The King scrambled backwards, stumbling over the wires that had torn free from their taped positions on the floor when I threw the podium aside, and fell awkwardly to the floor, his arms and legs flailing as he tried to regain his balance.

In the distance, I heard Sookie scream my name and felt the rush of her panic, but the emotional noise dimmed in comparison to my need to fulfill my mission. I seized Bill Compton by the shoulders and prepared to rip his head off. _Sic semper tyrannis._

**A/N: Yes, I made up another word: **_**blóð**__**frig**_**. I'm not going to be specific on what it means just yet, but there are some hints if you look up **_**Frigga**_**. It's a stretch, but I know what I was trying to get at, so please indulge me. **

**For those who may not be familiar with US history, actor John Wilkes Booth leaped from a balcony onto the stage at Ford's Theater after assassinating Abraham Lincoln, shouting **_**"Sic semper tyrannis,"**_** translated "Thus always to tyrants." Booth broke his leg in the process since he wasn't a vampire. **


	12. Ballroom Blitz

**Chapter 12: Ballroom Blitz**

The blasts to my chest threw me backwards, off the stage and onto the marbled floor. _Silver bullets, two of them. _Bill Compton had come to the rally prepared.

I heard the gun go off twice more, knocking back both the petite female vampire under Antonia's control and the taller of the two males to the floor. With the sound of a third shot, the third vampire in the trio exploded into a messy pile of goo.

With a growl, I fumbled against the fabric of my shirt, feeling for the bullets, which were already working their way out of my skin. When the small, toxic pellets were finally free enough for me to remove them, I tossed them aside, ignoring the sting to my fingers. As I lost physical contact with the silver, whatever minor impairment of my strength it had caused vanished and I rose to my full height, prepared to finish my mission against King Bill.

Near me, I saw Pam attacking the blonde vampire from the stage, who batted my progeny away like she was nothing, but Pam went back for more, screaming with determination. As the two began to tumble across the ballroom floor, a string of pearls broke free from the older vampire's neck, causing a couple of the remaining fleeing humans to slip and slide on the beads. As Pam struggled with the blonde, William Compton raised his gun and fired again, and Pam's body flew backwards across the polished floor.

I was just breaking a handy flagpole in half in order to send the king to his True Death when I felt the now-familiar sensation of magic energy swirling around me. I hesitated, confused, as King Bill took advantage of my disorientation to seize his own impromptu staking weapon, a slim wooden support for one of the rally banners.

From across the room, from where Sookie stood with the two men forming a small circle, I heard Godric's voice, coming from the dark-skinned man at a volume that only a vampire could have heard over the uproar. "Eric, as your Maker, I command you: _Do not harm your king." _

It was no magician's trick; my body's involuntary response told me that. Godric's blood inside me responded to his call. My hands fell limply to my side and I froze where I stood, paralyzed by the conflicting commands of my Maker and the witch. From her oversight on the balcony, I heard Antonia shriek in frustration and then began to chant some new phrase. As the other witches joined in her words, I felt a war begin inside me, and I was nothing but an observer as my maker's blood and the witch's necromancy battled for control of my body.

Whatever other conflicts may have been happening in the room faded as, with a groan, I dropped to my knees as the opposing magics wrestled within me. My limbs flailed, throwing me off balance so that I fell forward to my hands and knees on the floor, and I felt as if my head was going to explode with the struggle of the outside forces to control my will. I hadn't been nauseated in a millennia, but I felt as if my insides were going to spill out of me as everything spun around. Even without looking, I knew when Sookie ran towards me, the energy of our bond once again growing stronger as she drew closer.

If it hadn't been for the _blóðfesta_, I would have had no frame of reference, nothing to cling to, but as I was twisted and turned inside my own body, I reached out for my link with Sookie and held on for dear life. Not that what my _blóð__frig _was feeling was _good_; _fear for me _and _horror _were roiling inside her. But as the conflicting wills clashed inside me, I could feel Sookie's love for me and her sudden, intense desire _for me to be myself_ strengthening the little island of _ME_ inside the vortex.

And yet it wasn't quite enough; with despair I felt Antonia's will begin to overpower both Godric's and my own. Sookie felt it as well, and it was with a sudden, fierce rush of her need to _make the fighting stop—_both that inside me and the battle that was happening all around us _– _that I heard my Sookie scream, _"Enough!"_ I looked up at her just in time to see a bright white ball of light burst from her hands in my direction.

When the ball of energy hit me, it was like falling into a well of white light. I was drowning in it, inhaling it, swallowing it, taking it into me through my very pores, and it filled me from the inside out.

And as Sookie's light poured through my body, it raced through my mind, sweeping away all magics but its own, and like a torrent, everything that _made me ME_ flooded back into me in its wake. My memories, both human and vampire; the tens of thousands of choices I had made in a millennium of existence; everything I had believed, everything I had fought for, everyone I had loved – my family, Godric, Pam, others – and Sookie.

As I stared in shock at Sookie, fully myself for the first time the initial spell was cast on me, I realized two things.

_I had loved Sookie for a long time_; certainly since before Russell Edgington had come into our lives by snatching Bill. I hadn't been able to admit to myself that what I felt for her was love then, but I knew now that what had driven me to protect her from Russell, to hold vigil for her return for that tortuous year, and yes, to try _anything _to make her mine short of forcing her, was that _I loved her. _

And I also knew that her love – and the _blóðfesta_ we shared – had _changed me_. I was not the same Eric Northman I had been before Antonia's spell and the mystical bond with Sookie. I could never go back to being that vampire now because some part of Sookie was now inside me. _Forever. _And I _wanted that._ Even fully restored to myself, I wanted to be One with _min blóð__frig. _

Sookie was staring back at me, her face unreadable, but her emotions in tumult: _Hope. Relief. Joy._

And _fear. _

"Sookie, stand away! I will finish this." Bill Compton was suddenly over me, his improvised stake raised overhead.

"No! What! No, Bill, I think he's –" Sookie stuttered in panic.

In a flash, I was on my feet and holding Bill's arm up and away from me. "I don't think that will be necessary, Your Majesty," I said shortly. The King's face slackened with surprise. "It seems the spell Antonia cast has been broken, at least the one controlling me." I let him go and the flimsy stake fell to his side. "What about the others?" I glanced around the room, assessing. I wanted desperately to talk to Sookie, but it was clearly going to need to wait until this crisis was over.

Near us, I saw Pam lying on the ground, Nan Flanagan standing over her with a high heel on my progeny's chest. "You're lucky we're in public and that I have an image to worry about, because I would be _thrilled_ to fucking stake you if we were alone, de Beaufort," Nan hissed, pressing Pam with her shoe threateningly.

"Miss Flanagan, she's no longer under the spell," I snapped out. Through the restored state of our bond, I could feel that Pam had been freed from her compulsion to wreak havoc. Well, more havoc than normal. The older vampire removed her foot from Pam's chest, but not without giving Pam a lightning fast little kick in the ribs with the tip of her pump as she did so. Pam snarled at the Authority member but did not retaliate for the assault.

Towards the center of the ballroom, the two remaining Louisiana sheriffs, Kirsch and Duprez, were struggling to their feet, also apparently themselves again.

Around the room, a scattering of humans remained – fewer dead than I had feared, but several injured. A small girl was sobbing over the still figure of her mother, shaking the dead woman's shoulder and begging her to "wake up."

Above us, something was happening on the balcony where Antonia – _Marnie_ – had been chanting with Roy and Casey. Marnie appeared to be on the floor, crumpled in a heap, Roy hovering over her, trying to encourage her to get up and keep the magic flowing, while Casey was leaning over the balcony screaming in horror at the carnage below. "You killed people! You said you weren't going to kill _people _and _you killed people_!"

"Marnie's blacked out, and I don't hear anyone else in her head," Sookie said from beside me, her physical closeness giving our bond a warm, pleasant hum. I was disappointed when she stepped away a bit further with a little rush of _nervousness._ "I think Antonia must have left her body." She glanced across the room. "Although it looks as if Lafayette and Jesus are still working on getting rid of her for good," she said with anxiety.

I looked in the direction of the two male witches for the first time since I heard Lafayette speak with my maker's voice. _What the fuck _was that about, anyhow? I had had past experiences with seeing visions of Godric, but never before had someone _else_ been involved in what I thought were my delusions. It was very disconcerting.

At the far end of the ballroom, Lafayette was having an impassioned conversation in Spanish with the air as his lover Jesus held his hand. My Spanish was rusty, but I was able to follow Lafayette's words: _"You were a healer during your life. But see the injury that has come from your hate and your vengeance! Is this the influence you wished to have in this world? Let the vampires be the ones with blood on their hands, not you." _

"He is talking to the witch's spirit?" Bill asked in confusion.

"I think so," Sookie said. "Lafayette just found out he's a medium and he and Jesus invited Jesus's Uncle Tio's spirit in to help them fight Marnie – Antonia – _whoever_ she is." Sookie shook her head. "And since I know Lafayette doesn't speak Spanish, I'm thinking that's Uncle Tio talking. He was some kind of white witch when he was alive."

Lafayette fell silent, but his head was turning as if he was following a conversation between two unseen people.

"_The vampire speaks wisely, sister. Will you continue the war between humans and vampires or do you want to contribute to a new peace?_"

I didn't miss the word the unfamiliar relaxed and warm voice used. _El vampiro._ Godric?

Lafayette continued in the soft-spoken voice._ "There are those even in this room who would be key to such a development between the races. Will you strike them dead before they can fulfill their fates?" _There was another moment of silence before Lafayette smiled beatifically. _"There is no punishment beyond the veil, sister, there is only understanding and love."_ Another pause as Lafayette glanced at the third party in this invisible conversation with spirits. _"See, even the vampire knows this to be true, and even he knows peace. Will you not know the same?"_

"Eric, do you know what he's saying?" Sookie asked, noticing how intently I was listening. I could feel her curiosity and an unexpected uneasiness towards me.

I told myself she was just feeling shy now that I had my memory back. That was all. Once we talked when this was all over, she'd realize that the vampire she had bonded with was still inside me – _was still me_ – and everything would be fine.

"He's trying to persuade Antonia that the peace she seeks cannot be found in continued war but rather in moving on to the next life," I said quietly.

Bill raised his eyebrows. "Do you think it's working?" I tilted my head noncommittally in reply.

Lafayette's scarf-covered head finally nodded approvingly. _"Then welcome, sister."_ He threw his arms open gracefully – only to collapse on the floor like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

"Oh my god!" Sookie exclaimed. Jesus was immediately on the floor beside his boyfriend, cradling Lafayette, speaking softly to him and running his hands over him as to verify that the medium was okay. Lafayette looked a little tired, but he was already trying to sit up on his own.

"I think the witch has departed, hopefully for good," I said glancing at Bill. "And the helpful uncle as well."

Nan Flanagan was suddenly beside me. "Northman, if you're _recovered_ –" She glared at me. "We need to get this clusterfuck under control now. You take care of apprehending the witches while they're still in disarray. Bill, you come and help me with the humans." She stalked away, Bill shooting a frustrated look at Sookie and then striding away behind the AVL spokesperson.

"Eric?" Pam had waited until Nan Flanagan had walked away before drawing closer at vamp speed. "Is it really you?" The hopeful note in her voice didn't begin to touch the depth of her feelings as she asked the question. Nothing mattered to her more than my answer to what she had asked.

"I am restored," I said, lightly caressing the curve of her face. "But we can talk about it more later; first let's take care of this."

"Yeah, let me kill those fucking witches," Pam hissed.

"No!" Sookie said sharply. "Bill says that the Authority _ordered_ y'all not to kill any of 'em, so unless you want to get into trouble with _them_, you _Can't. Kill. Them_."

_Shit._ I could feel the warning through our connection. Bill was evidently still looking for an excuse to have me executed and I could easily have provided it without thinking. I sent my _blóð__frig _a wave of gratitude and saw her react as she felt it, her eyes meeting mine and studying me as if trying to decide something.

Pam had started to scoff at Sookie's warning, but I gestured at her to be quiet. She looked surprised, but obeyed.

"Kirsch! Duprez! Arrest the witches – but don't kill them," I directed my fellow sheriffs. "Pam, make yourself useful."

"Oh, doing what, exactly?" Pam drawled. "I'm not a nurse _or_ a housekeeper." She looked pointedly from an injured young man to Blackburns' sticky remains as if interacting with either was equally distasteful.

"Then go glamour some humans. I suspect Nan isn't going to let any of them leave here with their memories intact."

Pam was reluctant, but she did follow my suggestion.

Sookie went to help Lafayette and Jesus as I flew to the balcony and snatched up the unconscious Marnie myself, while the other two sheriffs seized Roy and Casey and brought them down to the main floor.

Casey collapsed to the floor, babbling in terror, as soon as Kirsch landed with her on the main level. Duprez had to keep a firmer hold on Roy, who was struggling in vain against the tall Haitian vampire. After a few moments of ineffective tussling, Duprez apparently grew impatient and knocked Roy out with an elbow to the head and a growl. Roy sank to the floor as Duprez stood guard over him.

Once I reached the main floor myself, I continued to hold the limp coven leader in my arms, not wanting to turn my back on her until we found a way to secure her against performing more magic. Across the room, I saw Sookie gave Lafayette a hug and then began to move among the wounded humans along with the two men.

Looking at what remained of the Moon Goddess coven – two members unconscious and one catatonic— it was hard to believe such pathetic creatures had held us all in thrall so completely for as long as they did. The only person among the coven besides Antonia who seemed to have a forceful character had been –

Shit.

"Where's Tara?" I asked. "And the timid blonde?" I scanned the perimeter of the room quickly, but didn't detect Lafayette's cousin or the other witch.

"Tara?" Sookie, who was kneeling nearby beside a young man with a bloody nose, looked up, shocked to hear my question. "How is she involved in this?"

Hearing his cousin's name, Lafayette came over to us, Jesus following close behind. I could feel that Lafayette was still uneasy coming anywhere near me, but I made a point of nodding to him and to his lover in a respectful acknowledgement. Whatever both male witches' role in the original spell, they had just saved all our asses from a much worse catastrophe. I considered our scales balanced.

Pam had heard my question and leaving a glamoured young woman with a black eye behind, sped back over towards me. "Who the fuck do you think led that goddamn sorceress to Eric and me?" Pam grated, glaring at Sookie. "Your _BFF_ took my maker _right off your doorstep_." I could feel that Pam was nearly as angry at Sookie as she was at Tara for that and I shot my child a warning look.

Sookie scrambled to her feet, stunned at my progeny's words. "Tara ledMarnie to _my house_? Was she _here_, too?" Sookie asked as she anxiously began to look around the room.

Interestingly, I could feel through our bond that she was looking for Tara with both her eyes and her mind. I was startled to realize that I could feel a faint echo through her that let me identify the _number_ of minds present if not their thoughts.

Twenty-three. As I glanced around the room, I realized that the count had to include the vampires in the room. I raised an eyebrow. Well, wasn't that an intriguing side effect of our connection? I wondered if that little trick worked only when we were in the same place?

Pam answered Sookie's question with pursed lips. "Yeah, she and that little blonde mouse of a witch brought me to the stage area before things got rolling. The blonde ran away the moment the guts started flying. Got more than she bargained for, I guess." Pam looked at Lafayette. "I get that I owe you for whatever you did to get rid of that fucking Spanish witch, but I still owe your bitch of a cousin _some_ payback." She glanced dourly at me. "Even if I don't _kill_ her." I heard the unspoken "_yet"_ in her tone.

"As your maker, I command you to not hurt her in retaliation," I ordered sternly. I could feel both Lafayette's and Sookie's impending panic over Pam's threatening tone and knew that meting out justice to Tara was going to need to be handled delicately if I didn't want to unnecessarily upset Sookie.

_Unnecessarily _being a key word. I sent Sookie a wave of reassurance that I would _take care of things._ And although Sookie hadn't asked, that meant trying to handle the consequences of Tara's betrayal in person rather than automatically passing off her punishment to the Authority as was my right.

And frankly, if it had been anyone but someone that my Sookie loved like a sister, Tara Thornton would already have been dealt with according to my understanding of justice. _Vampire _justice, but _justice_ nonetheless.

Pam rolled her eyes and I felt her disappointment in my response. "Can I at least go find the skank before she gets away?" my progeny grumbled. I nodded my assent and she was off at vamp speed.

"Thank you, Eric," Sookie said quietly. Her heart was still pounding with fear for her friend. "I know she was mad about things, but I still don't understand how she could be involved in something like – like _this._" She looked at the carnage around us with dismay. "I just can't believe that this was what she expected to happen."

"Well, not to the humans, maybe. But, Sookie, she fully intended to have vampires die. Me included." I could feel her disappointment in her friend and her desire for what I was saying not to be true, but while I felt for my bonded, Tara was going to face serious consequences when she was captured and Sookie needed to be prepared for the aftermath.

Not that I needed to explain in detail what that might mean just at this moment. We had more personal things to discuss first.

Just then Marnie stirred in my arms and her dark eyes opened. At seeing who held her, she began to scream, but then hastily began to stammer out a phrase in Latin. I felt the tingle of energy that accompanied her words as the magic began to gather again.

_Fuck._ I had been afraid of very few things in my long life, but at that moment, I was truly _terrified_ of losing myself again. I couldn't kill her, but I _had_ to stop her somehow –

I made the decision and acted with vampire speed. I dropped the witch to her feet and seized her face in one hand, thrusting the fingers of the other hand into her mouth before she realized what was happening.

The blood gushed from where Marnie's tongue had been as I threw the offending organ away, but the magic disappeared instantly, as if it had never been.

Jesus and Lafayette both recoiled in repulsion while Sookie and Roy, who had been roused from his stupor by Marnie's screams, cried out in shock.

I felt Sookie's horror and glanced at her. "I didn't kill her," I said defensively. "But I _had_ to remove her ability to cast spells. _Urgently,_ Sookie, before she could do more damage."

_Mín blóð__frig_'s hand was over her mouth, trembling slightly, and _dread _swelled within her.

Was she afraid of_ me?_ I frowned, confused. She had _no_ reason to fear me; didn't our bond reveal that to her?

Marnie was sinking to the floor at my feet, in shock. I wiped her blood absently onto my shirt, distracted by the feelings I was experiencing from Sookie. I started to move towards her, and was stung when she flinched away, moving in closer to the two male witches, who were also cringing with trepidation.

"Personally, I think you should have killed that fucking sorceress, but good call with the tongue removal, Northman." Nan Flanagan's voice was brisk as she appeared at my elbow along with my King. "I've called the Authority and they are on their way to take the witches in for questioning." Nan nicked her finger with a fang and thrust it roughly into Marnie's mouth. "There, that should keep her from bleeding to death before they get here."

"No! You have no right to take me anywhere!" Roy shouted, struggling against Duprez's imprisoning hands. "I'm going to call the ACLU! I'm going to tell everyone what you did to Marnie!"

"Oh, for God's sake," Nan snarled before deftly snatching Roy's own tongue from his mouth and tossing it aside in disgust. "You just had to go and make threats, didn't you?" She followed the same procedure as she had with Marnie, giving Roy a few drops of blood to close the wound at the back of his mouth as he gawped in stunned disbelief.

"Well, that's going to make it hard for either of them to be questioned by the Authority," I said drily.

"What about her?" Nan pointed down at Casey, who had gone entirely silent and was staring blankly around her, shivering.

"I suggest you just glamour her," said Jesus, who was still standing protectively close to Lafayette. "She's got no magical power or skill on her own. Neither does Roy, actually, although it's kind of late for me to point that out to you." Jesus looked sickened as his eyes trailed involuntarily to the raw lumps of flesh on the floor nearby. "I know that I'm in no position to comment on vampire justice in this situation, but I suggest you glamour all of the coven members that can be glamoured, along with the human witnesses. It's easier and much cleaner than killing all of them. Without Antonia, I swear to you that they are _no threat._" He was clearly desperate to avoid the fates of his two coven mates, but he was making a good point.

"And you? Are you a threat?" Bill Compton asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Magically? No, _no!_" Jesus said emphatically. "No one in our coven had any real power to speak of until Marnie invoked Antonia. And what Lafayette did—" He reached out and put his hand on his lover's shoulder. "—he's only a medium and a novice one at that. We just knew of a spirit to channel who might be able to fight a witch like Antonia. _That's all._ We are _not_ necromancers and we do _not _wish to control the dead."

"_Fuck,_ no," Lafayette muttered. "And if I ever have another motherfucking spirit inside me, _ever,_ it will be too soon. I'm not particularly happy with just getting their goddamn _messages,_ you feel me?"

Nan regarded the two men calculatingly and I could see her weighing her options.

"You're not going to take Lafayette and Jesus in for questioning, are you?" Sookie asked Nan anxiously. "They _saved _you all with what they did," she said emphatically. "You owe them better than to turn them over to the Authority."

"I agree," I said firmly. "They clearly were not involved in the necromancy of the other witches and in fact, fought against it once it was discovered."

Nan looked mistrustful, but she pinched her lips together and shrugged. "Fine. Less paperwork to fill out. So, we take only the main witch in, and the rest we glamour. That's acceptable." She regarded Lafayette and Jesus coolly. "But you are on our radar now, witches, and I wouldn't rely on our showing mercy a second time if you fuck up."

"You can glamour us with the others," Lafayette volunteered. "I don't really _want_ to remember this goddamn clusterfuck." Jesus nodded numbly beside him.

I could feel some of the tension leak out of the air among the humans, although I remained uneasy with what Sookie was feeling. _Subdued. Dark. Grim._ I tried to probe through our bond, only to find that she appeared to be trying to put up a shield around her feelings. Against _me._

_What the fuck? _I looked at her, trying to meet her eyes, but she avoided looking at me.

I wanted more than anything to pull her aside and ask her what the hell was going on, but from behind us, I could hear the sound of boots; the Authority had arrived. The heavily armed guards, accompanied by glamour squads in civilian dress and several EMTs, gravitated immediately towards Nan, who ordered (rather petulantly) for Roy and Casey to be glamoured and taken to the hospital. They were going to remember they had attended the rally as pro-tolerance supporters, only to be attacked by anti-vampire radicals who had tried to disrupt the peaceful assembly. They would have no memory of _being_ said anti-vampire radicals.

Marnie, on the other hand, was quickly bound in what appeared to be barbed-wire handcuffs. Unless Marnie wanted the iron tips of the wire to dig more deeply into her skin than they already did, she had to remain still and cooperative. Despite her physical trauma, I could see angry fire in her eyes. She was not going to make this easy on herself. Sure enough, she tried to strain against the cuffs, which dug bloody punctures into her wrists.

At least we couldn't hear her scream. It was more of a gurgled moan.

Sookie had fallen silent as she watched the "clean up" operations commence, but she finally spoke. "Eric, are those really _necessary_?" Sookie said, our bond filled with a revulsion she didn't bother to hide. "That's just plain ol' _torture_, looks like."

I didn't even have to open my mouth. The witch Jesus answered, his voice grim. "They're to bind her from performing magic, Sookie. Regular handcuffs would be pointless. The barbed wire shape is intended to symbolically 'tangle' up any magic she tries to do. It's not pretty, but I can understand it." He looked away from Marnie, who was glaring at him with contempt and disappointment as the guards manhandled her. She tried to drop to the ground limply to slow down their attempt to remove her, but these were not Bill Compton's human troops; these were vampires and the witch's passive resistance attempts had no impact. She was literally dragged out of our sight, Bill briefly following.

"We should probably fan out and help Pam look for Tara," I suggested in a low voice to Sookie, Jesus and Lafayette. "I'm concerned she hasn't returned with her yet. And you will want of us to locate her first, not Nan's troops." I tried to look meaningfully at Sookie, but she was still avoiding my gaze and trying to block me out.

And this time, I knew she felt _my hurt_ for whatever the fuck was happening between us. In response, her face grew stony.

Across the room, I saw Nan consulting with her minions just as Bill rejoined us. With the EMTs and glamour squads spread throughout the ballroom, she approached us with half a dozen armed guards immediately at her side. I frowned. That didn't bode well, since the witches had already been removed from the scene. I tensed.

Bill had apparently realized the implication of the remaining muscle. "Are we free to go now? I can see that Sheriff Northman and Miss de Beaufort are escorted home following debriefing –" he began calmly, as if certain the reinforcements had nothing to do with _him._

"No," Nan said tersely. "You're actually going to be busy being debriefed yourself, Compton."

Well, that could account for two or three of the guards, but there was no way Nan had only Bill in mind. I don't know if Sookie felt my wariness and responded or whether she was independently suspicious, but our bond flared with shared anxiety. Well, at least she was willing to let me in when there was a mutual threat, I thought.

When the fuck would this fiasco be wound up enough so I could talk to her? The frustration was killing me.

"I'll be happy to answer any questions the Authority has about the situation," Bill answered stiffly.

"Mostly I want an explanation of why you shot Sheriff Blackburn," Nan rasped. "And why you were armed with wooden bullets in your weapon."

"What?" Bill looked startled. "I was not the one who shot Blackburn. And I only had silver bullets in my gun. Look, can you can see for yourself." The king pulled the gun from his waistband and popped open the chamber, cursing as he dumped a lone silver bullet out into the cradle of his hand, where it burned his palm as it rolled across the skin. "I had no wooden bullets," he said insistently.

"Well, then who shot Blackburn?" Nan said in confusion. "Miss Stackhouse, maybe you can fill us in? Using your … special talents? I mean the telepathy, of course, not that intriguing little light show. Although I'm _very _interested in that as well." Nan's eyes were steely. Behind her, I saw the guards shift as if preparing for movement.

_Fuck._

I finally got it. They were going to take _Sookie. _

"I – I don't know what you mean," Sookie stuttered out. She obviously too caught off guard to realize that she had no hope of denying what everyone had seen with their own eyes.

"Oh, please, Miss Stackhouse," Nan said impatiently. "It's obvious to me that you are some kind of supernatural creature and I have my suspicions about what that may be. We just want to have a little … chat with you."

"No!" Bill cried out, prompting the guards to finally grab hold of him physically. I knew better than to react and confirm Nan's suspicions so easily. I was still hoping that we could deflect Nan's interest somehow.

"Bill's right," said a voice from above us on one of the balconies. "I don't give a shit what you do with the vampires, but _you ain't taking Sookie with you_," Tara growled, her handgun held over the railing, pointed down at our cluster of humans, vampires and witches.

And as Nan Flanagan looked up, startled, Tara pulled the trigger. The national spokesperson for the AVL and member of the Authority exploded into a messy red pile of entrails, sinew and power suit.

"Well, I guess now we know who shot Blackburn," I observed, raising my eyebrow.


	13. Half True Confessions

**A/N: Sorry this took an entire month to update, but if you are curious about my whiny excuses, you'll have to check my Wordpress blog. (And if you are spoiler adverse, you will want to visit with caution. I am a total spoiler whore and while I try to hide spoilers from the front page, stuff may sneak through.) This was meant to be the last chapter in this particular story, but it got so long that I have once again, chopped it in half, with the rest to come later - hopefully faster than this one did. And I've started drafting the outline for the third part in this series, which will pick up exactly where this leaves off and will, for the first time, include Sookie's POV. Thanks for hanging in there with me, faithful readers. You know who you are. XOXO  
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**Chapter 13: (Half) True Confessions**

One downside to being a verbal smart ass: the wrong comment at the wrong time can attract the wrong attention. As soon as I spoke, Tara's weapon hand pivoted towards me and she snarled, "Let's see if you think it's that funny if I fire a wooden bullet at _you_, you –"

I didn't get to hear her insult of choice before Pam slammed into her from behind, breaking the arm holding the gun with a quick snap the sent the weapon skittering away, and then tumbling both of them over the balcony railing to the ballroom below. Tara screamed in agony as her injured arm took the brunt of the landing, with Pam's weight from behind her more than doubling the force of the impact. Pam used the momentum of the collision to roll onto her own back, one arm around Tara's throat in a chokehold and the other restraining the human's uninjured arm. "I'm sorry, did that _hurt_?" my progeny asked sweetly. "Because I only intended to _disarm_ you."

Trust my Pam to figure out a way to get around my command as her maker for her not to hurt Tara _in retribution_.

Two of the Authority guards moved in to take custody of Tara while a third went to secure Tara's deadly weapon from where it had landed on the upper balcony.

On seeing what his cousin had done, Lafayette began to shout tearfully, not at the guards who surrounded her or at Pam, but at Tara. "What the _fuck_ you do that for, hookah? _Why? Why_ you have to be so fucking _stupid_, bitch? What'm I gonna tell your mama _now_, huh? _Huh?_" I could feel that he was grief-stricken and genuinely angry with his cousin, who refused to meet his eyes.

Jesus grabbed his partner and held him back, trying to calm him, as the guards whisked Tara away. The moment she was out of the room, Jesus had taken Lafayette into his arms as the black man sobbed and swore. "What they gonna do with her?" Lafayette finally asked, looking in my direction, his voice raw with dread.

I was impressed that while he was clearly upset, he was not foolishly venting his anger at those who remained in the room. He was playing it smart – unlike his cousin.

Given what he had done for us – for _me_ – tonight, I felt I owed him the little bit of consolation I could give him.

"In a sense, your cousin staked the right vampire, Lafayette," I said frankly. "With a vampire of Nan Flanagan's prominence, the Authority will have to handle her death – and her killer – with some finesse. Tara has bought herself some time in that way. Unless they want to create a PR disaster, the Authority is going to have to put on a show of some kind of justice process."

And a _show_ it might be, but it would keep Tara alive, at least for a while.

"That _fucking stupid bitch_," Lafayette muttered to himself, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

Bill had quit struggling against his captors, who nonetheless retained their hold on Louisiana's sovereign, while the final guard, a vampire who looked like a bulldog, was clearly debating on whether or not to follow through on Nan's apparent intent to have Sookie arrested. He looked at me questioningly and I suddenly realized that with my king in Authority custody and Nan no more, I was, for all intents and purposes, the highest-ranking vampire in the room.

I hated political hierarchy, but I was not above using it to my advantage. And as much as Bill annoyed me, his influence as monarch of Louisiana could be useful in protecting Sookie if the power of his rank was promptly restored. He may be my enemy, but I trusted him to keep Sookie from the malignant clutches of the Authority.

"Since Miss Flanagan intended to question the king about the shooting of Sheriff Blackburn and the real culprit has been discovered, I see no reason to keep him in custody," I said indifferently to the guards. "Of course, if you feel you need the permission of the Authority to act on that recommendation – well, you're the ones who have to fill out the paperwork." I shrugged. When one couldn't issue orders and expect them to obeyed, the next best strategy was to make "helpful" suggestions that lead in _your_ desired direction.

The guards holding Bill looked at one another and then to the bulldog, who nodded at them. They released my king, who straightened his disheveled clothing and murmured his thanks. Apparently, the Authority troops hadn't quite mentally accepted his return to full royal status, however, as they still addressed the next question to me.

"And the blonde that Miss Flanagan wanted to be held for questioning?" Bulldog asked, looking at Sookie, taking her in from ponytail to tennis shoes.

I felt Sookie's panic and sent her a wave of calm. Beside her, Jesus and Lafayette also tensed as they realized that Tara might not be the only one taken away tonight. I could feel through our bond that Pam was rather enjoying the possibility that Sookie might be seized by the Authority. I shot her a chastising look and she stifled her anticipation. Marginally.

"Well, that's somewhat more complicated, as I am not sure I understand _why_ Miss Flanagan would have wished to speak further with Miss Stackhouse," I said, frowning with feigned bewilderment.

The fact that the Authority guards had not been present when Sookie had used her light powers was a huge point in our favor. So long as her allies were willing to lie for her, the only other witnesses to Sookie's use of her fairy magic were either dead or having the memories glamoured out of them even as we spoke. The only person who could have been counted on to betray us was now a pile of messy red entrails on the floor. _Good-fucking-bye, Nan._

I glanced around to assess who might be listening and then leaned in closely as if to take the guard into my confidence, keeping my voice low. "If it is concerning Miss Stackhouse's ability to read human minds, _that_ is a known quantity here in Louisiana. However, that we have such an asset is not something we like to advertiseoutside our area. Not even to Miss Flanagan." I raised an eyebrow meaningfully. "Did she say_ why_ she wanted the girl questioned?" I probed.

If Nan had already reported Sookie's suspected status as a fairy, we were screwed, but if I could persuade the guards that Nan's interest was in something as benign as Sookie's being an unreported telepath, we might have a chance.

For once, I was grateful for the culture of secrecy and manipulation that characterized vampire politics. It was common knowledge that most kingdoms, if they had people with "unusual" talents in their service, were careful to keep those advantages quiet – even from the Authority, when possible. If we could act is if Louisiana had simply been less than forthcoming about having a telepath in its midst, we might throw the Authority off the scent of the more important knowledge of Sookie's fairy blood.

"Well…no, Miss Flanagan was not specific about what piqued her interest," the guard replied. "Although the word 'telepath' did come up," he added begrudgingly.

"If the Authority wants our official acknowledgement that Miss Stackhouse is a telepath in the service of Louisiana's crown, we can supply that," Bill volunteered smoothly. "And I will take full responsibility for the failure to disclose that information. She is only able to read human minds, no others."

"Knowing the Authority, they are probably aware of Miss Stackhouse's particular talent already," I admitted, giving the guards a rueful smirk. "But I don't think it is necessary for our asset to be inconvenienced with a personal interview concerning something so minor. Especially since she was particularly helpful in tonight's situation." I looked significantly at Bill, hoping he would follow my lead.

He did, addressing the guards. "Of course, you were not present during the earlier skirmish, but Miss Stackhouse was instrumental in arranging the presence of the two witches who assisted us in defeating the necromancers. We have _much_ for which to be grateful to her. I would hate to reward her kindness towards us with unnecessary delays in her safe return home."

"Yeah, it if wasn't for her, we wouldn't have been able to come here and break that spell over the vampires," Lafayette interjected, his voice still thick after his tears. I could feel his determination to _save who he could_ if he couldn't save his cousin. "She's the one who told us what was going on and asked us to help. Y'all _owes her_ big-time or you'd be cleaning up a whole _fuckload_ of human and vampire bodies tonight." The medium looked down pointedly at Nan Flanagan's remains.

The guards looked from speaker to speaker, and then at Sookie, who was standing quietly to one side, eyes wide, her expression artless. I could feel her anxiety and just kept sending calmness to her, as if lending her my own ability to maintain a poker face. "I just wanted to stop the witches from hurting any of my vampire friends, like Mr. Compton and Mr. Northman," Sookie finally said in a soft voice. "And I'm _real_ sorry about what happened to Miss Flanagan."

I could feel that _min __blóð__frig_ felt some genuine remorse that Nan Flanagan had met her true death. I had to stifle a temptation to smirk; I was reasonably sure she was the only person in our little huddle of the living and undead who felt badly for the late AVL representative. Nan might have been feared or even respected in some quarters, but she was not well-liked thanks to her questionable interpersonal skills. I wonder what Nan would have thought to know that the person she had wanted arrested was probably the only person who felt sorry for her death.

After a moment's consideration, Bulldog nodded in approval. "Fine. Miss Stackhouse need not be detained." I saw Pam purse her lips in disappointment. "But, your majesty, you and any of the vampires affected by the witch's spell will need to be debriefed before we allow you to return home." He looked at the witches and Sookie. "And I would suggest that _all_ of your kingdom's _assets_ be glamoured before they are released." I saw the two male witches twinge at being classified as among Louisiana's assets but they wisely said nothing.

"Naturally. The Sheriff, Miss de Beaufort and I will take care of that and remain here until you wish to speak to us," Bill said, smiling agreeably as the troops finally moved away to see to other cleanup activities.

"Your _asset_?" Sookie said when the guards were at a sufficient distance away, shooting me a dark look that reflected quite accurately her irritation over being referred to as if she was little more than property.

"Our _very much valued asset_ that we want to keep _right here_ in Area 5," I said pointedly. I pushed a sense of warning towards her that now was not the time to quibble about unfortunate turns of phrase, softening my caution with a warm rush of my love for her. For the moment, she was safe and I would have said or done anything to make that happen, even if she was offended in the process.

"We should take care of the glamouring so that Lafayette and Jesus can get on their way," Bill said. _While they still can_; both Bill and I were well aware of the capricious nature of the Authority. The sooner the witches were gone, the better.

Shit. There was one thing I needed to know before the witches' memories were wiped out. "Before we glamour them, one question," I said, turning to Lafayette. "How was it that my Maker spoke through you?"

I could feel Lafayette's trepidation. "Honestly, I don't fuckin' know," he answered. "Jesus's Uncle Tio was there and trying to fight Antonia's magic, and then suddenly, I saw this sorta _little_ guy, real young, dark hair, all kinds of tattoos on his neck and his arms." Lafayette gestured with his fingers as if to indicate the patterns against his own skin. "And I know he was trying to tell me something to do with you, but there was so much goin' on with Tio and Antonia that I couldn't really pay attention to him. And then suddenly that motherfucker – 'scuse me, your vampire friend – _he_ was _inside_ me and Tio was _outside_ me, and he was talkin' to _you_." Lafayette shook his head. "I didn't even know he was a vampire until he started commandin' your ass."

"You mean to tell me that was _Godric's ghost _talkin' through you?" Sookie asked in astonishment. Lafayette threw his hands up in response.

"Since when do vampires become ghosts when they die?" Pam asked skeptically.

"I've never heard of it," Bill said. I raised an eyebrow, as I suspected there was a lot that a vampire as relatively young as Bill Compton had not "heard of" yet.

But at a thousand years, I had to admit I'd never heard of a vampire ghost, either. And yet, I knew my Maker's call when I felt it.

"It was Godric," I said unequivocally. "When he spoke, his blood in me responded."

I felt a pang as I realized that even from beyond the veil of the True Death, Godric had tried to save me from what would have been disaster. As the deep love I had for my Maker surged inside me, leaving in its wake a renewed grief for his loss, Sookie spontaneously touched my arm in comfort. I could still feel the fear and anxiety I had detected in her earlier, but I could also sense a powerful need for _min __blóð__frig_ to console me despite her wariness.

The consolation turned out to be more concrete than expected: as her fingers gently squeezed me through the fabric of my shirt, I felt the bond between us flare with a flow of energy that calmed and soothed both of us, easing both my grief and her fears.

Slightly startled by the distinct impact her touch was having, I had turned towards her only to notice that an Authority guard was staring at Sookie's hand lingering on me. He frowned as if weighing whether it was a suspicious circumstance or not.

_Shit._ For a moment, I had been so lost in the solace of the bond that I had forgotten we were supposed to be merely sheriff and asset.

I stepped away from her casually, breaking the contact, instantly experiencing Sookie's confused and surprisingly indignant emotional reaction. "We should get the humans on the road," I said briskly. "Jesus and Lafayette, when we have completed the glamour, can you take Sookie home with you to Bon Temps?" I asked.

Bill looked surprised, but approving, as the witches agreed that they would escort Sookie home safely.

I also felt Sookie's surprise at my request –and her sudden rush of relief, which stung a bit. She _wanted_ to be away from me? I stifled a flush of anger, not against Sookie, but against the goddamn Authority and their goddamn debriefing. Sookie and I needed to talk so I could understand what the hell was upsetting her, but we weren't going to be able to say what we needed to until we were away from all of this political bullshit.

"I'll glamour Sookie," I growled, unable to hide my frustration. "Your majesty, perhaps you can see to Lafayette while Pam takes care of Jesus."

Bill looked unhappy that he was not the one who going to "glamour" my unglamourable Sookie, but he pulled Lafayette to one side and began to speak in a low, melodious voice.

I could feel the tension and sorrow that had been percolating in the medium dull to a minor sense of concern as Bill spun the tale of how Lafayette had attended the Tolerance Rally and been witness to an unfortunate and unprovoked attack on vampires by Marnie's coven. Tara, Bill insisted, was still in New Orleans with her new girlfriend and hadn't been seen in Bon Temps in several months.

Nearby, Pam was implanting a similar story in Jesus's head, although as she did so, I felt a tingle of uncertainty from my progeny. I didn't pursue it, as I had my own "glamouring" to do.

I placed my hand lightly on the curve of Sookie's cheek and looked into her eyes. The moment my fingertips brushed her face, the energy of the bond blazed again. I had to close my eyes for a second to adjust; the expansiveness of our connection was almost dizzying as my skin touched hers directly.

Yet, as overwhelming as the new sensation was, still I wanted more. I wanted to run my hands along every inch of Sookie's skin, to take her home and make love to her while fully myself for the first time. Even more, I wanted to root out the cause of the fear and anxiety that kept rearing up between us, to banish it completely and have the bond feel the way I had dreamed it would.

On the other hand, I welcomed the chance to get Sookie the hell out of this clusterfuck before any of the Authority minions changed their minds about who could stay and who could go.

Aware of the prying eyes and ears around us, I steeled myself against betraying my personal attachment to Sookie and composed my features into a business-like mask.

"Miss Stackhouse," I said, dropping my voice low. I was pleased to feel that even if we were merely play-acting for the benefit of others, Sookie had experienced a frisson of desire when I spoke. I proceeded to dictate what had come to be the official narrative of the night for the benefit of any Authority guards who might be listening in. As I spoke, I subtly stroked the pad of my thumb against her cheek and sent her deep waves of my love, all while carefully controlling my expression to be one of polite disinterest.

Sookie's eyes never left mine and, in fact, grew slightly unfocused in a way that would have looked like regular glamouring to the ignorant observer, but which I realized was her submitting to the seductive lure of our bond. Even the tiny bit of physical contact between us had opened the connection into a deep, wide flow of peacefulness. It took a massive exertion of will to keep my concentration on the illusion of insignificance I was creating when all I wanted to do was find somewhere quiet and private so that we could explore this tantalizing new magic between us together.

"Eric!" Bill said my name sharply, breaking my focus, and I realized that for the past several seconds, I had gone silent, lost in the connection with Sookie. "If she's ready, Lafayette and Jesus are ready to go." Beyond him, I could see the suspicious guard looking our way again. Staring. Damn, I had been taking too long to "glamour" her.

While it was pleasurable, slipping into a distracted state as I just had was going to be dangerous as fuck if it happened in a challenging situation again. Maybe the sensations were something we would grow accustomed to as we spent time together. I dropped my hand abruptly from Sookie's cheek and she blinked dazedly at me.

"Go home with your friends," I said firmly. "Don't stay up." I raised my eyebrows at her and she nodded numbly. I suspect the debriefings would take hours; I'd rather have her try to get some rest, especially since I suspected she'd been up most of the night before and the day as well.

After the past few days, it very strange to part without at least a kiss or caress, but instead, _min __blóð__frig_ simply turned and left as if there were nothing between us.

As she left with Jesus and Lafayette, I could feel the bond tugging at me and it was hard not to watch her as she walked away, but I deliberately looked in another direction as if she was of no importance to me now that I had wiped her memories. Apparently, my king had no such reluctance, as I saw his eyes follow her behind me until my senses told me she had left the room.

"Who was glamouring who there?" Pam said at my shoulder. She apparently had noticed the prolonged gaze between Sookie and me.

"It was mutual," I said, glancing at her. "How did the witches capture you?"

My progeny sighed. "I was working on paperwork in the office after feeding to heal from the _lovely_ day spent in silver when someone knocked on the door. It was the male witch with the beard and that fucking sorceress. I still don't know who let them come in our own fucking front door, but when I find out, I'm going to rip off his fucking head. You'd think the crunchy granola outfits would have set off some warning bells to whoever was checking IDs. Not exactly the usual fangbanger gear."

"There will be no head ripping," King Bill said flatly, overhearing Pam's comments. "The Authority has been very clear about human casualties. No need to compound things."

"I suspect it is one of our vampire staff. Is it okay to slaughter him or her then, your majesty?" Pam asked with false obsequiousness.

Bill didn't dignify her snarkiness with an answer but continued to watch the actions of the Authority guards. One of them gestured for him to come join them across the room. Apparently our debriefings were about to begin.

As Pam and I waited our turn for interrogation, we stood together against a wall. I could feel that my progeny wanted to ask me something but was reluctant to do so. The curiosity hung between us, rising to a peak every now and again only to be smothered and then eventually creep upwards again. Rinse, repeat. After a few minutes of our silently watching Bill talk to Authority guards, gesturing at different areas of the ballroom as he related the story of his evening, I finally sighed. "What? Your anticipation has to be more irritating than the question, whatever it is."

"What the _fuck_ were you and Sookie doing before the witches moved in and snatched you? Or is _fuck_ the operative word?" Pam looked bemused. "Because for someone who should have been recuperating from being silvered like the rest of us, you felt like you were having an _awfully _good time."

I paused, considering how much to explain. What Sookie and I had done in forming our bond seemed still very intimate and private, and yet…I needed to explain to Pam what it meant for me. I expected my life was about to change because of my new relationship with Sookie, and I felt I owed my child honesty about that after the century we had been together.

"Sookie and I exchanged blood," I began.

"The fuck you did not," Pam exclaimed. "Voluntarily? She _willingly_ let you drink from her." Pam less asked than stated her words, as if Sookie choosing to let me feed on her was the most far-fetched possibility she could imagine.

"Yes."

"During sex?" Pam smirked. "I would have thought that pussified version of you was a virgin who didn't bite during sex."

I was annoyed at her characterization of the more innocent me – even if there was some truth to it. In my thousand years, I had never been tempted to become One with another being until Sookie, so yes, I was like a virgin in what we had done. And no, I hadn't bitten her during sex yet, although I expected that would change now that we were together.

"Actually, no, not during sex." I said stiffly. "Although there was plenty of sex afterwards."

Pam stared at me. "So you just exchanged blood and _then _fucked? What was the point? The best part is the fucking while drinking." She was confused.

I licked my lips. "_We bonded,_"I said very softly in Swedish. "_Blóðfesta."_

I felt Pam's shock. And then she laughed. "That is _not_ funny," she said, shaking her head. "You shouldn't be such a prick to me when I've just got you back."

I looked steadily at her.

Her spirits quickly sank when she realized there was no humor in my face. "Holy fucking Mother of God, you're not joking." She was aghast. "Eric, why on earth would you do that? Why would you _bond _with her? Holy fuck, _how_ did you bond with her? She fucking hates you, the stupid twat. How was it even _possible_ for you to create a _blóðfesta_ with her?"

"We love each other. You know that the bonding magic wouldn't have been possible without that." I said resolutely.

"You mean she loved who you were when you were fangless," Pam said flatly. "Eric, are you out of your mind? Now that you are back to yourself, that Eric is gone." She studied my face anxiously. "Isn't he?"

I was quiet as I thought about how to explain. "Pam, the me that was with Sookie…that was still a part of me." I looked at her. "A part that has been missing for longer than I've been a vampire. Even before that, I think. Maybe since my human family was murdered. But still, a part of me." Pam's blue eyes were watching me, unblinking. "A part of me I want to keep."

When she spoke, her voice was strained. "So what? You're going to mainstream now? Drink only bottled shit and never kill another human? Even if they deserve it?" I could feel her sense of betrayal.

"I don't know," I said tightly. "I just know that I want to do things differently now."

"All because of that fairy cunt." Pam's voice was cold.

"No," I said sharply. "No, not just because of Sookie." I finally broke our locked gaze. "For _me._ Maybe for Godric." I glanced back at her again. "Pam, ever since Godric met the sun, I've been trying to understand _why_ he did it." I shook my head. "When I didn't have my memories, when I heard the things I had done in the past…I didn't like what I heard. I _didn't want to be that vampire_. I think Godric may have felt the same way before he ended his life. For the first time, I understood why he felt that way." I felt the sudden pang of Pam's fear. "Not that I'm going to follow in his footsteps in meeting the sun," I said insistently. "I have things to live for. But I do want to live differently now."

"And how do you know it isn't the bond with Sookie that is making you feel that way?" Pam asked. "Doesn't all that 'you will be One' shit change who you _are_?"

I shrugged. "Maybe it does. Although I felt this way before Sookie and I bonded. I just think that being bonded with Sookie is going to make it easier for me to do what I – what _**I **_–" I emphasized the word. "—wanted to do anyhow."

Pam was silent for a few moments, digesting what she had heard. At least the shock seemed to have worn off, although I could feel her sadness and disappointment.

"So, you gonna go play house with Sookie in Bon Temps now? Become a rural vampire? Maybe be _neighborly_ with our king?" Her tone was acerbic.

"Fuck if I know," I answered. "I haven't talked to Sookie yet about what happens next. There hasn't been time."

Pam turned towards me. "You haven't talked to Sookie yet?" She raised an eyebrow. I felt a tingle of hopefulness through our connection. "Well, then maybe I'm concerned over nothing, because I'll believe your little fairy princess means business with this bond when I see it." She folded her arms in front of her. "If she tells you she's changed her mind now that you have your memories back, what are you going to do?"

"She won't," I answered decisively. "I felt her feelings and she felt mine. There is no reason for her to change her mind. The bond makes everything … _clear_… between us."

Pam shook her head with frustration. "A thousand years old and you still have things to learn about women." She glanced sideways at me. "If she breaks your heart, I hope you get over this noble vampire bullshit so I can kill her." She held up a hand. "Don't command me; I'm only joking." I raised an eyebrow at her. "Sort of," she conceded.

"Pam, you don't have to like her. But I will expect you to treat her with respect." I watched as the Authority guards began to move in our direction. "Respect for _my blood_ that flows in her veins."

Pam shrugged. "You are One," she drawled. "I know." She gave me one last level look. "We won't have any problems so long as your fairy shows as much _respect _for your blood as _I_ do."

I didn't have a chance to reply, as the Authority guards arrived. "Sheriff Northman, Miss de Beaufort. We're ready to speak with you now."

"Good," my progeny said. "I want to get out of this outfit soon. I reek of _Febreze,_" she sniffed.


	14. Where Hopes and Fears Collide

**Chapter 14: Where Hopes and Fears Collide**

It was still nighttime when Pam and I were free to go, with several hours to go until sunrise. As I related a carefully expurgated version of events to the Authority guards, I had periodically probed for Sookie. Despite my suggestion for her to get some rest rather than wait up for me, I could feel that she was still awake and restless.

And full of a bewildering plethora of feelings.

Love. Lust. Worry for me.

Confusion. Frustration. Fear. Anger.

She seemed to be cycling through the positive feelings and then the negative regularly. I had sent her soothing feelings as often as I could, and each time, I could feel her respond and relax, but before very long, the negative emotions would begin to swell again.

By the time the Authority representatives had cleared me to go, I was having a hard time hiding my impatience with them. As soon as I was free, I told Pam I'd see her later and then launched myself into the dark sky over the hotel. I recognized Shreveport below and changed direction towards Bon Temps, but even if I hadn't known where I was, I would have been able to locate Sookie; the connection between us was like a magnet finding true north, leading me to her.

As I flew through the night, I could feel my link with Sookie hum with increased energy and almost _pull _me towards her. I couldn't help my emotional reaction; I felt a surge of what could only be described as happiness.

Sookie had not been quite right in describing me as a "happy" vampire. I was generally satisfied and contented with my life the past several decades, that was true. I had enjoyed my roles as business owner, as area sheriff, as Pam's maker. I had not been interested in the increased burdens and complications that more political power would have given me, and being tucked away in Northern Louisiana had allowed me to control much of my life far from the interference of vampire hierarchy. Especially after the Great Revelation, the little delights of vampire life – namely, feeding on and fucking humans – were more readily available than ever. I had created a generally satisfying life for myself that had a great many pleasures to offer, with relatively few headaches. If it was sometimes a bit dull and unchallenging, well, after a thousand years and with living in the open as vampires now did, whose life might not be?

I was not _un_happy, not at all. But my time with Sookie had shown me that there was still more to be had, to be experienced. There were joys I had forgotten in my thousand years of existence. Not just the pleasures of sunlight, as intoxicating as that had been, but subtle pleasures that I had forgotten from my human life. Pleasures that had a lot to do with having life in my _soul_, not just in my body.

Being with Sookie had reminded me how I had once – as a human, as a child, even as a Viking warrior – embraced virtues that were not generally held in high regard among vampire kind: Honor. Integrity. Loyalty. Love. Even _goodness. _

Virtues that were generally reserved for humans. The only vampire I had ever known to pursue these qualities had been my Maker, Godric, and much as I had loved him, his desire to "evolve," as he had described it to me when we last saw one another, had been baffling.

In a thousand years, I had not entirely lost those qualities that had once inspired me as a Viking warrior, but it had been many years – centuries – since I had _embraced _them. My desire to be with Sookie had given me a concrete reason to be that better _me _– but more than that, my time under Antonia's spell had reminded me of why I would want to be that person for _myself._

As fulfilling as my life had been up until now, I could envision even more satisfying things to come with Sookie beside me – and some part of her _inside_ me through our bond – and that made me _happy._

When I finally drew close to the farmhouse, I flew around once trying to see where she was inside, peeking into windows, working from the top down. Not in her girlish pink bedroom upstairs, where the sheets were still jumbled from our first night of passion. Not in the downstairs bedroom, where the bedclothes were in equal disarray. I was beginning to hope that she might have gone down to my cubby to wait for me, when I saw she was on the couch in the living room. She appeared to have been trying to get the rest I had suggested, as a crocheted afghan was still half-draped across her legs. I saw her shift as if to sit up, arms supporting her body from behind as she tilted her head, listening.

She knew I was coming. I could feel the increase in her excitement – and her anxiety.

I landed in the front of the house and sped up onto the porch at vamp speed, eager to finally be alone with _min __blóð__frig_, able to talk freely, to plan for what would come next for us. I turned the doorknob, only to find it locked.

It was night and we had already had intruders at the house. Of course Sookie would have locked her door. And I didn't have my keys with me.

I rapped softly on the door. "Sookie, it's me."

I heard her pad towards the door and then hesitate for several seconds before she turned the lock. She opened the door and then stopped, her body half-tucked behind the plane of wood as if sheltering herself. "Hey, Eric," she said, her voice strained.

I wanted to step across the threshold and just sweep her into my arms, but it didn't take our bond for me to realize that she was feeling wary. Her body language was shouting that loud and clear. "Are you okay?" I asked, studying her. She hadn't changed out of the clothes she had worn at the hotel, although her feet were now bare. It bothered me that she hadn't gotten ready for bed. It made me feel like…company.

"As okay as I can be, given the circumstances," she said in a cool voice, her shoulder shrugging slightly.

She hadn't moved from behind the door and she was staring at me as if weighing what to do next.

"Can I come in?" I finally said, my concern beginning to grow. Something was clearly wrong here. If I had hoped for a warm welcome, I was clearly not getting it.

She was silent for a moment and then stepped back from the door for me to step through, only to shut it firmly behind me. I noticed she didn't flip the lock.

I guess she didn't consider us in for the night.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, reaching out to take her by her upper arms.

As soon as my fingers touched her, the bond swelled with energy and I couldn't help myself; I pulled her against me, encircling her with my arms until she was curled against the front of my body, her blonde hair tucked under my chin, her reluctance seemingly diminishing. A profound sense of contentment surged between and around us, creating a warm and comforting bubble of pleasure and heat around our nestled bodies.

I raised one hand and tilted her face up to mine, brushing her lips with my own, causing a tingle of pleasure to ripple through both our bodies and our connection. My kisses were soft and coaxing at first, as I could still feel some tentativeness inside her, but as my lips caressed hers lightly, I felt her start to open up to me, not just physically but emotionally.

When her warm mouth finally parted invitingly to mine, I delicately probed it more deeply with my tongue, and slid my hand from her jaw into the thick glory of her hair. Entangling my fingers in the soft strands at the nape of her neck, I used the leverage to tilt her mouth for deeper plundering and simultaneously slipped my other hand behind her back to pull her more tightly against me. Groaning, I began to grind myself against the soft curve of her belly. "God, _min __blóð__frig_, I will never be able to have enough of this. Of _you,_" I muttered thickly before burying my lips against the pulse of her neck.

Although I could feel that Sookie had been as swept away by the feelings of the bond as I had until that point, I felt a rush of panic well up inside her as my mouth nuzzled the side of her throat. Breaking free of my embrace, she put her hands against my chest and stiffly pushed herself out of my arms, avoiding my eyes. "We need to talk," she said, turning away and walking into the living room, where she dropped onto one end of the couch. She curled her back against the end of the couch and pulled one of the red, decorative throw pillows into her lap as if to put up a shield between us.

As I dropped down beside her, I automatically reached for her, wanting to keep up the blissful connection that touch brought with it. "No!" she said sharply, twisting away from my hands. "Please don't touch me while we discuss this, Eric." There was a note of pleading in her voice. "I can't _think _when you touch me."

Well, fuck. I leaned back, wary now. "Okay," I finally said. "Sookie, what's going on? Why are you so upset with me?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but my own increasing unease may have raised my volume a bit. "Are you worried that I might not remember everything? Remember _us_? Because I _do. _I did as soon as you hit me with your light. You restored me completely to myself." I looked searchingly into her eyes, but instead of relief at my statement, I saw – and felt – increased guardedness.

"Well, if you remember everything, then you definitely have no excuses, Eric," she said frostily.

"Excuses? For what?" I was confused.

Sookie's lips pinched tight as she gestured back and forth between us. "For whatever the fuck_ this _is. What did you _do_ to me? Why can I _feel _your feelings and why can I _sense_ you and – and _find you_, and why, when you touch me, does it feel so – _so_ –" Her emotions were spinning up into a hard knot of anger and anxiety and fear.

"Sookie," I interrupted, anxious to put her at ease. "Those feelings are just the normal effects of our bond." I shook my head. "I admit, I wasn't aware of some of the side effects –" I thought of the strange echo I had been able to sense through Sookie of how many minds were in the ballroom earlier in the night. "—but I'm sure that what we're experiencing is normal. We just need to get used to the different way it feels." I instinctively sent her a wave of reassurance, trying to soothe her even if she wasn't ready to have physical contact.

Sookie's cheeks reddened with anger despite my attempt to console her. "Eric, what bond are you talking about?" she demanded. "Is this because I took more of your blood?"

I frowned at her, bewildered. "Sookie," I said cautiously. "We _exchanged_ blood. _Voluntarily._ I told you before we did it that we would be One." A feeling of dread was now creeping up inside me. What the fuck was going on? We had talked about it before I gave her my blood. Hadn't we? I tried to recall in detail what we had said to one another, but all I could remember was thinking that the circumstances had aligned to form the bond I had so desperately wanted, and that I had made a point of confirming her willingness before I offered my hand to her.

Sookie's breathing had quickened with anxiety. "I remember you saying that," she admitted. "But I thought you meant we would both be – be, well, _high together_ or something. Just for that night. Until the effect of your blood wore off." Her voice was ragged and I could feel her very real confusion.

Well, _fuck me to hell and back._ "You didn't realize that our bond would be permanent?" I asked uneasily.

"_Permanent_?" Sookie rasped. "You mean this won't _ever _wear off? Even after some time for your blood to clear out of my body?"

If she had physically slapped me across the face I might have been less stunned. The _blóðfesta _was a mystical bond of _commitment _between two lovers, not some one-shot V trip. Her question was like asking if human wedding vows "wore off" a few hours after the wedding ceremony.

"Sookie, the _blóðfesta _is a sacred bond, not some fucking casual _drug high_. So, no, it doesn't _wear off_," I said tightly.

"The _blued-fessed—_what? " She stumbled over the ancient term.

"_Blóðfesta_," I repeated. "The word is from Old Norse, although other languages have other names for this kind of bond. It means 'blood union' or 'blood pledge.'"

One of the other translations was 'blood marriage,' but, given Sookie's already irritable mood, I suspected mentioning _that_ would bring any chance of a rational conversation to a halt, so I decided to skip that particular detail for the moment. The bond was the bond, whatever it was called.

"And we formed this bond when we exchanged blood?" Sookie asked tersely.

"The actual blood exchange is only part of it, Sookie, or vampires would have bonds with many of those they bite and then give their blood to," I explained. "_Blóðfesta_ can only happen if the blood is offered freely and if love already exists between the two who offer their blood to one another." I looked into her eyes. "The magic of the bond wouldn't – it _couldn't _– have happened if we hadn't already loved one another." As I felt her increasing tension, I was clinging to that reassurance for my own sake: the bond _wouldn't have formed if she didn't love me._ The magic itself was my proof of her feelings for me.

Unless, of course, Pam was right and Sookie had only loved the "other" me.

Fuck. I tried to remain calm and focus on Sookie's feelings. She was definitely pissed off, but I could also feel the undercurrent of love for me.

Which _me,_ though?

Sookie raised her chin at me. "How do I know you're telling me the truth about any of this?"

_Jävla fan._ Now I had my memories back, Sookie apparently regarded me with the same suspicion she always had. But that had been one point of my wanting the bond with her, hadn't it? I had believed that if she could know my true feelings, she would no longer be suspicious of me.

So much for that being a given.

"Don't confuse me with Bill Compton," I said flatly. "And one of the effects of our bond is that you will know whether or not I'm being truthful with you. So _feel it_, Sookie. _You_ tell _me _if I'm lying to you," I challenged her.

As she probed my sincerity on this point, I felt a tiny knot of her fear loosen as she concluded that I was, indeed, being honest with her. In turn, I relaxed a fraction at this little piece of progress between us.

"Okay, I guess what you've told me so far is true," she begrudged. "But if you want to keep my trust, Eric, you need to tell me what else this _blóðfesta_ thing does," she warned. "I know we can feel each other's feelings and I can find you anywhere, like I did in Roy's trailer last night. And there is the creepy emotional rollercoaster thing when you touch me, but what else?"

"_Creepy emotional rollercoaster thing"? _ Ouch. Ecstasy must be in the eye of the beholder if the emotional bliss we experienced when we touched felt "creepy" to her.

Trying not to let her harsh words get to me, I shook my head. "Honestly, Sookie, I don't know what else to expect. There are some books in my cubby that mention the bond, but I don't know everything there is to know about it and I'm finding that I'm already surprised by some things. Including the _creepy emotional rollercoaster thing_, as you put it." My tone was dry.

"Eric, did you think that falling under some kind of seductive spell every time you touch me _wouldn't_ freak me out?" Sookie snapped. "Is that some—some _vampire way_ for you to control me with your blood since you can't glamour me?" I felt a tingle of fear creep through her, underlying her outward belligerence.

"_Control_ you?" I growled. What the fuck? Even before I had lost my memories, I had not wanted to _force_ her to do anything, although I easily could have. "Sookie, I can't _control _you with the bond. Why would you even think that?"

"Well, you can control Pam," she replied. "You just have to command her and she has to do what you say because of your blood, right? How is this any different?"

"I am Pam's Maker. There _is_ an element of power that runs only one direction in that kind of bond. But you and I –" I hesitated as I prepared to explain what made the _blóðfesta _different even from other blood bonds. "In this kind of bond, we are _equals._"

For this very reason, it was rare for vampires to bond with humans in the _blóðfesta_. Unlike when making a human a pet, the magical influences of the _blóðfesta _ran both ways. Few vampires liked giving what many considered a lower life form that much equality in a relationship. Some might even consider it blasphemy.

It was a good thing I didn't really care what other vampires might think of my choice to bond with Sookie.

"So you aren't creating those hippy-dippy bliss feelings to control me?" Sookie asked skeptically.

I waved a hand back and forth between my head and heart with a raised eyebrow, silently reminding her that she could verify the truth of what I was saying on her own. "As far as I can tell, the _bond itself_ is making those _hippy-dippy bliss_ feelings between us when we touch," I stated. "I don't know why, but I speculate that it is to bring us closer together." _And that was working so well._

"And with this bond…do you consider me _Yours_?" she demanded. I could feel her irritation. My Sookie, never fond of the vampire language of claiming, even when such a claim was in her best interests.

"Yes," I replied evenly and then raised an eyebrow as she pursed her lips with annoyance. "As _I. Am. Yours." _I leaned closer to her. "We gave ourselves completely to one another, Sookie. As equals."

"Well, 'equals' except for the part where you didn't make it clear to me _as your equal_ that we were entering some kind of permanent bond, Eric!" she snapped. "If you really loved me, how could you have done something like that to me without my permission?" Her voice was choked. "I trusted you. My God, you had _just _promised not to betray me before you apparently _did._"

"_No!_" I said emphatically. "Sookie, I _never_ intended to betray you. I _asked_ you if you wanted to be One with me. I thought you understood what we were doing." My own frustration with how this conversation was going was beginning to spiral upwards, but I tried to tamp it down by focusing on the _facts_, not the emotions.

I began again, careful to keep my tone composed. "Look, I'm sorry that we…_misunderstood _each other when we exchanged blood. But I think the important thing now is that this bond exists between us because we _do love each other._" I studied her face intently. "Don't we?"

Sookie stared at me before she spoke, hesitantly. "Eric, I _did _fall in love with you – with the other you –"

I felt my heart drop as she made the distinction between me without my memories and my restored self. Was Pam right? Had Sookie only loved the "other" me?

"Sookie," I interrupted. "I am still _me._ The me you fell in love with _is_ a part of me. I admit, I haven't let that part of me _come out_ in a long time. But the 'other Eric' is _still me._ And _I still love you. Completely._ Can't you feel that through our bond?"

I could feel her silently assessing my emotions. I did not try to push anything at her, although it was a challenge not to let my increasing fear and desperation control that choice; I just let myself _be_ as she explored inside me, trusting in the thought that once she _knew _my love for her, all would be well.

"Yes," she finally whispered. "Yes, I can feel that you do love me." I could tell she was faintly astonished at the fact, but I didn't mind that, so long as she _knew_ I loved her. The tension in my shoulders began to ease a bit, at last. What was there to stop us so long as we both loved one another?

Then I felt her steel herself with resolution. "But, Eric, that doesn't change anything," she said. "Even if we love each other, this –" She motioned her hand between us. "—is all just too much, too _fast _for me. I don't know how to handle finding myself mystically bonded with someone I don't really _know._"

"So, we'll get to know each other better," I said firmly. "If we're together we'll be able to –"

"No!" Sookie's voice was sharp. "No, we're not going to just suddenly be 'together.' We _can't _– Eric, _I _can't, not yet. Not like this."

"But you love me." I said stupidly. "Sookie, I can feel that _you love me_."

"Yes, I do," Sookie said and for the first time, I felt sorrow in addition to her frustration and suspicion. "But, Eric, this has all happened _so fast_. While I was in Faery, what was a year for you was only a few minutes for me, so, in my mind, it was only a couple of weeks ago that the whole thing with Russell happened and Bill betrayed me. And then, the next thing I know, you've bought my house and then you're in my car and half-dressed and all sweet like I've never known you to be until now. And then with Bill arresting you, and the sun spell, and the witches grabbing you and Marnie almost killing you – my head is still spinning!"

She stopped and shook her head. "I can't deny that I love you. I do." My heart leaped with hope, until she continued, "But I just don't know _who it is_ I fell in love with. Which Eric is the _real you_. And while maybe you didn't _mean_ to trap me into this relationship – "

I snapped my head back, stung. She viewed it as a _trap_?

"—the fact is that I do not want to be in some – some _permanent_ bond with you until I'm sure that's what I want. And at the moment, I am _pissed as hell_ that you put me in this situation without my consent, Eric."

My jaw tightened. I could feel her anger and I knew she could feel my own disappointment and hurt. "What are you asking of me, Sookie?" I asked finally. "What do you want me to do about this?"

If she asked me to find a way to break the bond, I wasn't sure if it was even possible, but I would do my damnedest to do as she asked. My motivations were not particularly noble: I suddenly imagined being emotionally bound to Sookie while she chose to live her life with someone else and my experiencing her feelings as she did so.

I'd for fuck sure find a way to break the bond before subjecting myself to that particular emotional torture.

_Min blóð__frig_ folded her hands into her lap, twisting her fingers together. "I guess – I want some time. Some space to think things through. To figure out what I want and what I feel." She reached out with one hand and placed it on my own and the bond between us roared with fulfillment. "Without _this_ influencing me." When she pulled her hand back, cutting off the pleasure of the energy flow, my only consolation was that I could feel how difficult it was for her to do so. "Cuz, Eric, feeling _that _every time we touch when I don't know what I want just isn't _fair._" She shook her head in vexation.

I was suddenly aware of how physically and emotionally exhausted I was and how much I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my cubby with my _blóð__frig_ and rest in the rapture of our connection.

I might as well be wishing for another day in the sun.

Everything I had hoped for when I had exchanged blood with Sookie little more than 24 hours before seemed to have crumbled around me like ash, I realized grimly. Even _knowing_ I loved her, Sookie still had doubts about me, doubts about whether she could love me – the _real me_. Instead of resolving everything between us as I had hoped, it was as if the bond had repeated the painful lesson of my fairy-blood-driven day in the sun: I had been given a tantalizing glimpse of what could be, only to have it all yanked away again, thrusting me right back into the darkness where Sookie felt I belonged.

I was too tired to deal with the disappointment and the hurt, so I just shut it all down. _Vampires are never at the mercy of their emotions. _

Of course, Sookie could sense the dark turn of my feelings. I felt a pang of pity from her, which made it all that much worse. She pursed her lips and tilted her head. "You're tired," she stated. "You should probably go so you can get some rest." She stood up and started for the door.

I followed her numbly, trying to get my head around the clusterfuck that our conversation had become. I paused at the threshold, suddenly aware that once I stepped over it, this time with Sookie –this interlude – was truly going to be over. And while I had some small crumb of hope that it might not be over forever, I had no guarantee. Just a heart heavy with love for someone who didn't know whether she could love more than a part of me.

I took one more long look at her as she stood there in her front hallway, her golden hair hanging down around her fatigued face. "Sookie, I only wanted to bond with you because I loved you," I said simply. "I thought if you could feel my feelings – if you could _feel _the love I have for you – you would finally let yourself trust me. I just wanted you to know how much I loved you. Nothing more."

She stood silently looking at me for a moment, and then said quietly as she opened the door. "Eric, sometimes just loving each other isn't enough." She shook her head and I felt a wave of sorrow and regret swell through our connection.

God, I was so fucking tired. Especially of _feeling _shit. It wasn't natural to me and it hadn't been in nearly a millennia.

"I'll be gone for a few days while the Authority decides what to do with Tara and the other witches," I finally said in a business-like tone. "I'll let you know what I can, when I can."

"Thank you," Sookie said softly.

As I stepped over the threshold onto Sookie's porch – and at the moment, it once again felt like _her_ house, not _ours_ – she placed her hand on my arm to detain me. The bond swelled again, hungrily, but she didn't yank her hand back the way I half expected her to. "Eric –" I felt what she wanted to say before she formed the words with her mouth. "This hurts me, too. Please don't think that it doesn't." She was telling me the truth; I could feel her pain and sadness, competing with the pleasurable rush brought on by her fingers against my skin.

Fucking feelings. Fucking bond. Fucking Sookie.

Suddenly it was just all too much. She was right; the _creepy emotional rollercoaster_ ride had to end.

I carefully removed her hand from my arm and let it drop, impassively.

"Sookie," I said, my voice cool and composed, "Please don't ever touch me again unless you mean it."

And then I took off into the dark night, but not before I heard her lock the door behind me. And while I flew towards the lights of Shreveport in the distance, the bond tugging unhappily at the ever-increasing distance between us, I knew Sookie was crying, but I was too worn out to care.

A/N: Before you consider giving me the True Death for this chapter, remember that dead writers don't keep writing. *cough* As promised, this is where this part of the story ends, but it will pick up – with Sookie's POV – in the third story in my trilogy, _**The Real Me,**_ and I am committed to our Sooric resolving their _**temporary differences of opinion**_. Special shout outs to treewitch703, sweetmg and eys1214 for giving me feedback on this particular chapter, and to all my regular reviewers who have inspired me to keep plugging away at this story. XOXOXOXO Here's to our Sheriff saving the day in the season 5 finale! Team Eric all the way, baby.


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